


When you move, I'm moved

by grace_and_lucidity



Series: The Bonds We Can't Untie [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Torture, smut but not super pornographic, things are complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22932058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grace_and_lucidity/pseuds/grace_and_lucidity
Summary: This is not a romance, but there is a relationship between Clarke and Bellamy. If you're looking for hearts and flowers, look somewhere else. It's dark, but there will be light at the end.Clarke has been driven into Lexa's arms through her sadness and desperation at losing Bellamy in Mount Weather. Bellamy has been held captive, tortured,  and sexually abused by the Mountain Men. When Lexa announces to Clarke that she has a present for her, Clarke doesn't know it will be Bellamy, and that she will have to keep his identity secret to save his life. Lots of anguished Bellarke. Takes place after the attempt to free the Delinquents from Mount Weather. Clarke has a difficult choice to make between her feelings for Lexa and her feelings for Bellamy. Mount Weather Delinquents are still hoping for rescue. Bellamy will always try to be a hero.TW:\\ many chapters contain flashbacks or descriptions of violence and/or sexual assault, either implied or actual
Series: The Bonds We Can't Untie [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785625
Comments: 51
Kudos: 54





	1. Where the earth meets the sky

_When you move_  
_I can recall somethin' that's gone from me_  
_When you move_  
_Honey, I'm put in awe of somethin' so flawed and free_ – Hozier, Movement

****************************************************************************  
It had been five months since the failed attack on Mount Weather. Five months since Clarke had seen any of her friends. It had begun to sink in that her new life was here, in Polis with Lexa, building a coalition between Trikru and Skaikru. It had been hard at first, to reconcile Lexa’s betrayal with the fact that Clarke could still have the desired outcome of peace. The hardest part of all, by far, had been leaving Bellamy behind. They had argued outside the tunnel door. He insisted they go back in, in spite of being outnumbered, while Clarke insisted they return to Arkadia and regroup. In the end, they had compromised. Bellamy went in, Clarke stayed out. But on her return to Arkadia, grounders had hunted her down, captured her, and brought her to Polis. She had thought that was the end, and accepted it as justified in light of her betrayal of her own people. But Lexa had had other ideas. Lexa was a consummate negotiator, convincing Clarke that the best action would be to continue to work together towards peace between the two clans. Clarke relented. Her pain and grief had driven her into Lexa’s bed, and they had become lovers, strengthening the bonds of the clans and giving Clarke some small happiness. She occasionally received word from Lexa’s people that those Delinquents captured in Mount Weather had not been heard from since, and over the weeks and months, Clarke had given up hope of ever seeing any of them alive. When she had confided how much she missed them, particularly Bellamy, to Lexa, she had been sympathetic but also clear on her convictions.

“Clarke, I know Bellamy was a trusted friend to you, but you understand that blood must have blood. Even if he survived Mount Weather, he would have to be executed according to our laws if you want real peace. You know how many of our people he killed.”

“No, Lexa, I don’t understand. Bellamy was willing to risk his life at Mount Weather. And not just for his own people, but for yours, too. And we left him there…” Clarke silenced herself in her shame of that memory.

“You did what you had to do. And so did Bellamy. If he’s already dead, then he died a hero. You should take comfort in that,” said Lexa. Clarke just nodded sadly. Bellamy’s constant companionship and guidance had become such a part of her that his absence still left a painful hole in her heart.

*****************************************************************************  
Today, Lexa had announced she wanted Clarke to go with her to a nearby grounder camp. They were snuggled in bed, Lexa curling a lock of Clarke’s hair around her finger, a mischievous smile playing across her lips.

Clarke kissed her and snuggled closer. “Why? What are we doing?”  
“I’m getting you a gift,” said Lexa. “It’s a surprise.”

Two hours later, they arrived on horseback to a camp of around 35 grounders. Lexa and Clarke dismounted and walked to the edge of a small circle of people. Clarke gave a suspicious glance to Lexa, who just smiled.

Six young men were led into the circle. Each had their hands tied in front of them and were hobbled with short ropes around their ankles, making walking awkward and running impossible. A tall prisoner in the middle of the line had silky black curls and as she watched him, something about his walk, and the way he carried his shoulders was familiar. One of the grounders instructed the men to stop and turn to face Lexa and Clarke. When they did so, Clarke’s eyes widened in surprise and she let out an involuntary gasp behind her mask. The dark eyes, the small scar above his lip, the freckles across his nose and cheeks.

“What is it?” Lexa asked. Without thinking, Clarke exclaimed “It’s…” she stopped suddenly, realizing that Lexa would not recognize him. She had never seen Bellamy.

Clarke regained her composure quickly. “The third one, he’s just…very pretty.”  
Lexa smiled behind her own mask. “Yes, he is. Is that the one you want?”  
Clarke swallowed hard and nodded, unable to speak. How could he still be alive? How had he wound up here, in front of her, as a captive? She felt lightheaded and grabbed Lexa’s hand without thinking. Lexa gave it a squeeze, thinking Clarke was thanking her for the gift. She motioned to one of the grounders to come over. She gestured to Bellamy and they spoke briefly before she handed the man a small pouch. The grounder strode over to Bellamy, bent down briefly to cut through the binding on his ankles, and placed a rope around his neck. He led him back to Lexa and Clarke, handing Lexa the end of the rope. “Enjoy,” he said simply, and motioned for the other men to return back from where they had come.

Lexa and Clarke walked back to the horses, leading Bellamy behind them. Clarke didn’t chance a look back at him until they were mounting. He kept his eyes lowered and appeared to be paying little attention to anything around him. This wasn’t the Bellamy she remembered, the Bellamy who always cast a wary glance before he entered any forest, any room. The Bellamy who would have resisted the binds around his wrists and the rope around his neck.

Lexa tied the rope to her saddle and clucked the horse into motion. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist, glancing behind her one more time to see Bellamy set a walking pace to keep up and not pull the rope taut around his neck. He appeared to be somewhat unsteady on his feet but managed to stay upright.

After an hour of riding, the caravan stopped, and Lexa dismounted. “I’ll be back. I need to check on what the delay is,” she said, striding towards the front of the group. Clarke slid off the horse and sprinted back to him.

“Bellamy,” she hissed from behind her mask. He raised his head at the sound of his name and squinted at her. He shook his head like he was trying to clear cobwebs. “It’s me,” she said with more urgency, slipping the mask off her face. He peered at her and a flash of recognition crossed his face as he stared into her blue eyes.

“Clarke?” he said. Then he shook his head. “No, you’re not really here. You’re dead.” He took two steps back, but the rope around his neck prevented him from moving further away. “You’re dead!” he shouted.

“Shhhh, Bellamy. I didn’t die. I’m here.” She was speaking quickly, unsure of how much time she had.

Bellamy brought his hands up to his face and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. After a long moment he said, “How are you here?”

Clarke lowered his hands so she could look at him. “I don’t have time to explain, but you need to listen to me. Lexa doesn’t know who you are, and she can’t know. Do you understand? She will kill you if she finds out who you are.”

Bellamy didn’t respond right away. He looked up at the sky and then back at Clarke. “So, who does she think I am?”

“She thinks…well, she thinks that you’re….”

“A whore?” Bellamy finished for her. He gave a bitter laugh and held his bound hands up to her. “Well, I can’t really argue with that, can I?”

“Bellamy, don’t…”

“Don’t what, Clarke? She just paid someone money and led me away on the end of a rope, so I’m pretty sure we can all agree on what I am,” Bellamy said flatly. “My next question is, why are you with her?” He seemed to be coming out of the fog he had been in, and his gaze was now boring into her.

“I didn’t have a lot of options after Mount Weather. I saw this as the best way to deal with the situation.” She handed him her canteen.

Bellamy leaned closer to her face. “Well, I hope you have a plan, Princess. My owner is headed back here.” Clarke whipped her head around to see Lexa striding back towards them.

“Just keep acting like you don’t know who I am okay? I’m going to get us out of this, Bellamy. I promise.” Clarke said, pulling the mask back over her face. For a brief second, Bellamy’s expression changed. She saw a glimmer of defiance in his eyes, a familiar fire when he gave her a quick nod. He took a long drink and handed back the canteen.

“Thank you for the water, miss,” he said as Lexa approached.  
Lexa gave Clarke a curious expression. “Everything okay?”  
Clarke nodded. “He just looked like he could use something to drink,” she said. “Are we going?”

“Yes,” said Lexa. She glanced back to Bellamy. “Try to keep up.”

Once they arrived back in Polis, an attendant met Lexa outside her quarters. She dismounted and handed the rope to him.

“Give him a bath,” she said. “And something clean to wear.” The man gave a single nod and led Bellamy away. “I could use a bath myself,” she said. She wrapped her arms around Clarke. “And I want you to join me.” Clarke smiled and pulled Lexa closer, kissing her.

“That sounds perfect,” she said.

*****************************************************************************  
They had finished bathing and dressing when Bellamy was led into Lexa’s bedchamber. His hair was still damp and he was wearing loose fitting pants, a buttoned white shirt, and no shoes. His hands were still bound in front of him.

Lexa led Bellamy to a corner of the room. “Sit,” she ordered, pointing to the floor. When he was seated cross-legged, she untied his wrists, eliciting a sigh of relief from him. “Don’t get comfortable,” she said, “put your arms behind you.” He gave her a brief defiant glare, which quickly turned to one of acceptance before he shifted his arms behind him. Once his hands were secured, Lexa stood over him.

She motioned to Clarke. “This is Wanheda. And you will address me as Heda.” Bellamy remained silent, earning him a sharp kick in the ribs. “Understood?” Lexa barked at him. Clarke had started to leap forward to Bellamy’s defense, but he looked up at her and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. She stood still.

“Yes, Heda,” Bellamy said through clenched teeth.

Lexa motioned for Clarke to join her at the table as two young men carried in platters of roast meat, bread, fruit, and a pitcher of water. She sat down, glancing at Bellamy, who was staring at the ground, not moving. His stomach growled loudly. Lexa ignored him and started eating. Clarke stood up and walked over to him, squatting down in front of him.

“When is the last time you ate anything?” she asked.  
He gave a slight shrug without looking up. “Two…three days, maybe.”  
“God damn it,” Clarke said. She rose and walked to the table, piling a plate with food. Lexa finally looked up from her own dinner.  
“Compassion is weakness,” she said. “You don’t even know this man. Why do you care if he’s hungry?”  
“I’m sorry, Lexa. I can’t just watch a man starve while I have more than enough. It’s just not…me.” She carried the food over to Bellamy and sat down in front of him.  
Lexa snorted. “Well, you’ll have to hand feed him. I’m not untying him.”  
“Fine,” Clarke replied, tearing off a piece of bread and putting it to Bellamy’s lips. He locked eyes with her, opened his mouth, and allowed her to feed him. He wordlessly accepted the entire plate of food, closing his eyes and savoring every bite. When he finished, Clarke raised a cup of water to his lips and he drank fully.

The same two attendants retrieved the dinner dishes and quietly exited the room, pretending not to notice the man tied up and seated on the floor. Lexa approached Bellamy slowly. She leaned forward and cupped his chin in her hand, tilting his face up to look her in the eye. “Have you pleasured two women at the same time before?”

“Yes, Heda. I have.” He spoke in a soft, even voice with no apparent emotion. Clarke couldn’t look at him, was hoping like hell he wasn’t looking at her. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair, hating herself for feeling aroused at the thought that she was about to have sex with Bellamy. This was not in any way what she had imagined when she fantasized about him. This was a humiliation for him, and as much as she knew that, she hoped she could make him enjoy it at least a little.

Lexa released his chin. “Good, then get up and lie down on your back on the bed.”  
Bellamy rose from the floor, shaking the feeling back into his legs.

“Can you untie my hands, Heda?” he asked. A slight pause. “Please?”  
Clarke’s chin quivered and tears burned behind her eyes. She stared at the table, digging her nails into her palms.

“I don’t think so,” Lexa said. “I don’t trust you.”  
“I won’t fight,” he said. “I…I can work better when my hands are free.”

Lexa appeared to consider this, then slowly shook her head. “No. I was told you’ve rebelled on numerous occasions. You’ll stay bound for this. Now lay down.”

“Clarke,” Lexa said. “come play with your pet. He’ll need help getting his clothes off.”

 _He’s not a pet!_ Clarke’s mind screamed. _His name is Bellamy Blake. He has the biggest heart I’ve ever known. He loves his sister. He’s unfailingly loyal to his friends. And he’s always been there when I needed him._ She rose slowly from the table. Bellamy was already laying on his back, staring at nothing. He turned his head away as she approached. She watched his Adam’s apple rise as he swallowed hard, watched his jaw clench repeatedly as he fought back whatever it was he was feeling: rage, fear, despair, she didn’t know. She only knew she wanted to take all that away. She wanted to bring back the Bellamy she knew.

With delicate fingers, she unbuttoned each button on his shirt. “Can you sit up?” she asked.  
She pulled the shirt gently down over his shoulders, tracing her hands along his biceps, his forearms, and tucking the shirt behind him as he laid back down. Next, she tugged lightly on the waistband of his pants. Bellamy raised his hips slightly to allow her to pull them down. She did so slowly, trying to communicate her feelings for him through her touch, since she was unable to do so with words. Clarke’s eyes grazed over his body. She could see the abrasions on his arms and neck, the bruises and bite marks covering his torso and thighs, all evidence of the abuse he had suffered in the months since she had last seen him. Rage and bile rose in her throat.

Lexa strode up to the bedside, gazing down at Bellamy’s naked body. “He is beautiful, isn’t he?” she said. She sat down on the edge of the bed next to Clarke and wrapped her hand around his half-hard cock. Bellamy inhaled sharply. “Mmmmm, and he’s nearly ready to go,” Lexa smiled. She looked at Clarke. “Do you prefer his tongue or his cock?” She was still stroking him, and he had begun to writhe under her touch. “I bought him for you, so you can choose.”

“I…I, uh…” Clarke stammered. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the reality of what was happening. This was Bellamy. This was rape. But to explain to Lexa why she couldn’t carry through with this would more than likely result in Lexa discovering who he was and publicly executing him. Bellamy must have picked up on her hesitation. He turned towards her and gave her the look he always did when she was agonizing over her choices. _You want forgiveness? I forgive you._ She took a deep breath. “His, um, his cock.” It would be impossible for her to engage in such an intimate act as oral sex with him unless they were alone.

Lexa stood up and began undressing, looking at Clarke, expecting her to do the same. Clarke complied, pulling her shirt over her head and slipping out of her pants. She could feel Bellamy’s eyes on her, and her skin burned with desire and embarrassment. Lexa walked over and put her hands on Clarke’s hips, kissing her deeply.

“I want to make you happy,” she whispered into her ear. Clarke continued to look at Bellamy over Lexa’s shoulder. “Does this make you happy, Clarke?” She nodded, never removing her eyes from his.

Lexa led Clarke back to the bed. “I want you to start,” she whispered. “I want to watch you ride him for a little while. Is that okay?” Clarke gave a small nod.

She stood motionless for a minute, looking down at Bellamy, trying to pretend things were different, that they were the only two people in the room, that she could tell him she loved him and he could say the same. That she could whisper his name and make him smile. But what they had was this. She wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all.

She touched his chest lightly and ran her hand downward towards his hip. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, appearing to be preparing himself mentally. As she ran her fingers over his erection, he shuddered as though an electric current had passed through it but he remained silent. Clarke slowly straddled him, with her hands on either side of his ribcage. Her hair fell down and grazed his chest as she moved over him, covering his body in soft, delicate kisses. Bellamy’s breathing became more rapid.

“Does that feel nice?” she asked. He nodded.  
Lexa gave a small laugh. “Clarke, you are such a romantic. Just fuck him already.”  
Clarke shot her a look. “You said he was my pet. Let me play with him.”  
“Fine,” Lexa sighed.

Clarke continued to touch Bellamy, kiss him, try to soothe away all the pain she knew he felt. She breathed in the smell of his skin and her own body responded. Her desire to feel him inside her was unbearable. She reached down and ran her hand over his cock, which was now fully hard. She scooted down slightly and positioned her knees close to his thighs, lowering herself down with all the control she could manage. A guttural moan escaped Bellamy’s throat as Clarke eased herself down onto him. He arched his back, inviting her to move with him. She leaned forward slightly, watching his face. Bellamy opened his eyes, looking at her through dark lashes, and managed a small smile. “You feel good,” he whispered.

Lexa laughed at that. “I think he likes you, Clarke.” She stood up and walked to the top of the bed, running a hand through his hair and pulling his head back. A sigh escaped Bellamy’s mouth as he licked his lips and locked eyes with Lexa, giving her a salacious smile.

“I like you, too, Heda” he said. Clarke knew he was putting on a show for Lexa, a performance he had probably been forced to put on countless times and it made her feel simultaneously aroused and sick. Lexa pulled his head back more sharply. She held him in that position for a long moment before leaning in and biting him on the collar bone, making him wince.

“You talk too much,” she whispered. She released his hair, straddled his chest, and lowered herself onto his mouth. Bellamy immediately began licking her, fucking her with his tongue. Lexa sighed and pulled Clarke’s hands around her body and up to her breasts. She began moving her hips in small circles, stopping suddenly when he closed his mouth over her clit and began gently sucking.

Lexa leaned back towards Clarke to give Bellamy a different angle to work from. She moaned loudly, throwing her head back. “That feels incredible,” she gasped. He was alternating between sucking and working his tongue into her, sending shudders through her body.

Clarke had rested her chin on Lexa’s shoulder, her eyes glued to Bellamy’s mouth and the way he was bringing Lexa such pleasure. A hard wave of desire washed through her and she grabbed Bellamy’s hips tightly and began riding him with increased intensity. A low growl escaped his throat and he increased his own pace on Lexa who was now bouncing with barely controlled ecstasy. “I’m close. I’m so close!” she was screaming.

Clarke felt her own release building low in her gut and slammed herself hard down onto Bellamy’s cock, threw back her head and gasped. She was so close to screaming his name, she bit down on her tongue until she tasted blood. Her orgasm built in a great, roiling wave through her body. “God! Oh, god.”

Lexa was still breathing heavily as she swung her leg over Bellamy’s chest and stood by the bed. She grabbed Clarke’s face and kissed her deeply. “That was amazing.” She smiled and Clarke smiled back, still locked to Bellamy’s body, his erection still buried deep inside her.

Bellamy’s breathing had become quick and shallow, and his hips were thrusting with increased intensity. “Slow down, Clarke. I don’t want him to come yet,” Lexa said as she reached for something on the floor. Clarke’s heart was still pounding from her own orgasm but she furrowed her brow when she saw the belt in Lexa’s hand.

“What are you doing?” She asked. Bellamy was now looking at her through half-closed eyes and shifted his gaze to see what had caused her expression to change. His eyes widened when he saw Lexa run the end of her belt through the buckle to create a noose. He started to roll away from her but she was faster, and had the belt over his head and around his neck, pulling him back towards her.

“It’s an experiment.” Lexa said. “Let’s see if you can make him come before I make him pass out.” She pulled on her end of the belt to tighten it more. By this time, Bellamy’s eyes were wild with panic, the muscles in his shoulders were bulging as he strained against the bonds behind his back.

“NO!” Clarke yelled. She understood exactly where Bellamy’s fear was coming from. She knew his mind had travelled back to the day Murphy had tried to hang him in the drop ship, would have succeeded had it not been for Raven and Jasper.

Bellamy dug his heels into the bed, thrashing wildly now.  
“You should hurry, Clarke. I think he might just cause himself to pass out without me doing anything,” Lexa said, gazing at him as though he was an insect pinned to a board.

Clarke saw no other option then to make sure he did come, that Lexa did release him before harming him. She began slamming her hips into his, driving him deeper into her with every thrust. Bellamy began bucking his own hips upward, his body responding to the attention even though she doubted he was in any way mentally enjoying this. His nostrils were flared and his breathing was labored. Lexa pulled the belt tighter.

“Stop it, Lexa! You’re killing him!” Clarke was sobbing now, still fucking him as hard as she could but losing her composure completely.

Bellamy’s face had reddened and his mouth was open, gasping for air. He managed to whisper a single word, “Wanheda.” Clarke slowed her movements, leaned toward his face and placed her hands on his chest, feeling his racing heartbeat. _Get out of your head, Bellamy._ _Come back to your heart_ , she prayed voicelessly. Her hair fell in a veil around her face, hiding her from Lexa. She looked into his pleading eyes and silently mouthed his name. She pressed her hands harder on his chest and began a slower, rhythmic grinding against his pelvis. His expression changed, relaxing slightly. He closed his eyes and began matching her rhythm with his own, moaning softly. Within seconds, she could tell he was close to climax. She leaned back, placed her hands on his thighs behind her and raised her body off of him. With three more hard thrusts, he was writhing under her, half-moaning, half-crying. She slowed her rhythm as she felt him come inside her, continued riding him as he came down from his orgasm. Lexa loosened the belt around his neck and he sucked in air like a drowning man. Clarke raised herself off of him gently, completely spent, and lay down on her side close to him, waiting for his heart to slow before she moved.

**************************************************************************  
Clarke lay awake until she could hear Lexa’s soft, even breathing. Slipping carefully out from under the covers, she crept over to the corner where Bellamy crouched against the wall. A length of chain connected his wrist restraints to a metal loop bolted in the floor. Frowning at the thin pallet he had been given to sleep on, she pulled several furs from the surrounding chairs and laid them on the ground.

He watched her silently, his bound hands resting in his lap. When she had finished arranging his bed, she sat down and motioned for him to shift closer.  
“Thank you,” he whispered.  
“It’s nothing,” she replied. Tears were forming in her eyes. The man she remembered as being proud, arrogant, courageous…he was broken. He shifted over until they were shoulder to shoulder and she leaned her head against him.

“Your new girlfriend scares me,” he whispered. She smiled against his shoulder and he gently kissed the top of her head. “Seriously, Clarke, what is she to you? How long have you been here…with her?”

Clarke raised her head and looked at him. “I’ve been here since Mount Weather,” she said. “I mean, I haven’t been, um, with Lexa like this, since then. I guess we started this,” she paused, unsure what to call it. “This relationship, about two months ago.”

“So, you have feelings for her?” Bellamy asked. Clarke had brought one of her hands up to hold his, and he ran his thumb softly along the back of it.

“I do. But, it’s complicated. I first thought I needed to be here, in Polis, to help broker some kind of truce between Trikru and Skaikru.” She sighed.

“But something happened,” he pushed. “I mean, unless Lexa paid for you, too…”  
“She didn’t,” Clarke stressed. “And honestly, I don’t know who made the first move. I just remember how lonely I was, how completely shattered I was when I thought you were gone.”

A tear fell onto his hand and he shifted slightly, raising his hands to her face to wipe the next one away.

“Bellamy,” she started. “I should have gone back to find you. I should have…”

“Stop, Clarke. That day was chaos, there was no way for any of us to make the right choices. I don’t blame you.” She looked at him and shook her head. “I **don’t**.” he repeated. “And given what went down at Mount Weather, I would say your choice was by far better than mine.”

She glanced over to Lexa to make sure she was still asleep. “Tell me what happened,” she whispered, drawing closer to Bellamy. “When you went back inside.”

He looked at the ground. “We walked into a trap. I should have seen it coming, and I didn’t. They released a gas that knocked all of us out.” He had begun rubbing his hands together, clearly becoming agitated. Clarke put her own hands over his, trying to soothe the anxiety away.

“We were put back in cages. Then we were separated into groups.”  
“Groups?”  
“Yeah,” he swallowed hard. “They kept some there in the lab for harvesting. Some of them were sent to another area. Monty, Jasper, and a few others. I didn’t know what happened to them but I hoped they were kept alive for their engineering skills. And then some of us…” he paused.

“Some of you what?” she asked gently.  
“Some of us were brought back upstairs…to serve other purposes,” he said.

He cleared his throat. It was apparent he wanted to continue and even though Clarke didn’t know if she could bear to hear the details of his ordeal, she knew she owed it to him to listen.

“At first, we were just being used by the Mount Weather people,” he said. “I tried escaping a couple of times.” He gave a small snort. “You know me, never thinking things through.”

“I would have done the same thing,” Clarke said.  
“But the punishments for that were…” he paused. “They were horrible, Clarke. And I got scared.” He was trembling now. “I got too scared to try to get out and save whoever was left. I won’t forgive myself for that.”

Clarke put her hands to his face. “ **NO** , Bellamy. You **don’t** blame yourself for that, you hear me? I’ve seen what the Mountain Men are capable of. I know why you wouldn’t want to face that.”

He gave a small nod. “Anyway, I started thinking I could maybe just keep gathering intel. Depending on who I was sent to, I figured that they might talk about something important while I was around.” He looked into her eyes for a second and gave a bitter laugh. “After they’re finished with you they forget you’re even in the room sometimes.” Clarke winced. “That’s how I found out that Monty and Jasper at least are still alive, and probably others.”

“So how did you end up in a grounder camp?” she asked.

Bellamy looked back at the floor. “They started hiring us out to grounders sometimes. Usually just for a few hours. You can imagine how much grounders love to humiliate someone from Arkadia, so…” his voice broke and Clarke squeezed his hands. “I thought it might be a chance for me to run, but they always inject us with a drug. I don’t know what it is, but it’s like the Jobi berries. It totally messes with your mind. You’re hallucinating, stumbling, just…basically not good for anything but fucking.”

The way Bellamy was describing his own sexual abuse with such indifference was crushing Clarke. It was clear the trauma over the last months had caused him to shut down almost completely.

“I’m sorry, Bellamy. I never meant for any of this to happen to you.” She was trying hard to stifle her sobs.

He shrugged. “A few weeks of that, and I really just started accepting that this was my life. And that I deserve it. I left my people behind to face their fate, so I deserve everything that happens to me.”

“No, no you don’t,” Clarke covered her face, trying to keep quiet.

“So, this last time, when we left Mount Weather, I overheard our grounder guards place a bet that whoever got picked for this job would probably not be coming back. There’s a rumor that the Commander doesn’t like anyone to know about her sex life so she just kills her whores when she’s done with them. I hoped it would be me, I hoped that she would kill me. I didn’t want to go back to Mount Weather, I didn’t want to face my failures anymore, and I didn’t want to keep going.”

“Bellamy,” Clarke said. “Listen to me. I’m glad you survived Mount Weather. I’m so glad I found you! I need you to keep going. I can’t do this without you.”

“Clarke, when I saw you I thought…this is gonna sound crazy,” he started.  
“Tell me,” she whispered.  
“I thought you were an angel. I thought, ‘okay I’m finally dead and I get to rest.’” He was crying now. “And then when I was brought here, when I realized that this, uh, thing was actually going to happen with you,” he rubbed his face briskly with his hands. “You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about making love to you, Clarke. But I never wanted this…”

“I know. I know, Bellamy. I’ve thought about you too, for so long. I’m sorry,” she sobbed.

He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. “It’s okay. You didn’t have a choice.”

“Oh god. That’s the story of my life!” She cried.

“Hey,” he said. “Look at me.” She raised her eyes to meet his. “Seeing you, knowing you’re alive? It’s literally the best thing that has happened to me in months. Okay?”

She nodded slowly and Bellamy looked back at his bound hands. “Is Lexa going to kill me?” he asked quietly.

“No! I’m not going to let that happen. I swear to you, Bellamy. I won’t.”

He nodded, not appearing particularly hopeful. “I wanted to save them. I still want to save them. But I…I just can’t fight anymore, Clarke. I’m so tired.”

She moved over to allow him more room, briskly wiping away her tears. “You need to sleep.”  
She pushed him gently down onto the blankets, caressing his hair.

“I want to get back home,” he whispered. “I want to make sure our people are okay.”

“Shhhh. I know you do. We can figure it out later. I’m going to find a way for us to get back home, okay?”  
“Together?” the tremor in his voice broke her heart.

“Together,” she whispered, continuing to stroke his face until his eyelids fluttered and stilled. His lips parted and his breathing became slow and steady. Clarke leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. “Together, my love,” she whispered.


	2. A Lullaby for Suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy makes a plan to stay in Polis. Clarke learns more about his ordeal and vows to save him. Lexa considers a new role for Bellamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I appreciate any suggestions for tags. I'm new at this:)

_The grounder pinning his arms painfully behind him was at least three inches taller. A small crowd had gathered as he was shoved forward, and he could hear their taunts even though he couldn’t understand what was being said. The drug had just begun to peak in his bloodstream, making the ground swim in front of him and his mouth painfully dry behind the gag tied around his head. With one rough motion, his captor shoved him to his knees and held a knife blade to his throat as he yanked the gag out of his mouth. He blinked several times, desperately trying to clear his vision as another man approached. Only when the man was standing just a few inches away from him did he recognize him from the battle outside the gates of Arkadia. On that day, he had fired a bullet into the skull of this man’s brother. Atohl had been poised to run a spear through him when he had been ordered to fall back, choosing instead to drag his brother from the battlefield._

_Atohl reached down and grabbed his hair, jerking his head back._

_“I should have killed you when I had the chance,” he growled. “But now you’re the property of the Mountain Men, so I have to return you in one piece.”_

_“Lucky me, huh?” he managed to rasp._

_Atohl backhanded him across the face and the sharp taste of blood hit his tongue. He spit on the ground at Atohl’s feet and was immediately backhanded across the other side of his face._

_Atohl began to loosen the belt around his waist and the man behind him pulled his arms back even tighter. He began to struggle, realizing it was useless but unable to stop. He scanned the circle of grounders gathered to watch his torment, desperate to find a savior. But the sea of taunting faces morphed into demon masks who howled like wraiths. Atohl grabbed his hair again and gave him a wicked grin._

_“You’re about to see what that smart mouth gets you, Arkadian whore,” he hissed._

Bellamy gasped and awoke in a cold sweat, his heart racing. He raised his hands to his face only to be reminded that they were still bound and connected to a chain in the floor. At times he could no longer tell dreams from memories and he preferred it that way. The nightmare began to recede as he focused on his breathing and the fact he was still alive. And more importantly, so was Clarke. He fell back against the blankets and tried to slow his heart, listening to the soft breathing of the two women sleeping in the bed on the other side of the large room.

The revelation that Clarke was alive had stirred something in Bellamy that he hadn’t felt in months, and that was hope. He had grown to hate being touched, his own arousal was even a source of self-loathing. But Clarke’s hands, her kisses, her words, had sparked a glimmer of a future in his mind. A future that didn’t involve pain and degradation. A future he had all but given up on.

He rose stiffly to a sitting position and leaned against the wall. The sun had yet to come up, but there was just enough light in the room that Bellamy could make out Clarke’s sleeping form, her blond hair spilling across the pillow. Lexa’s arm was thrown protectively over Clarke’s body and Bellamy longed to hold her like that. She had admitted her feelings for Lexa to him last night and he understood them. But he also knew that the emotional bond he had often imagined between himself and Clarke was not something he had made up. It was real. It became clear to him in the early dawn hours, as he watched her sleep, that he had to devise a way to stay here in Polis. He couldn’t face returning to his wretched life in Mount Weather, and he couldn’t face being away from her anymore. His mind carefully calculated the many possible scenarios of his future as he sat there. By the time Lexa and Clarke began to stir, Bellamy had a plan.

Lexa was the first to wake. She opened her eyes slowly and saw Bellamy watching her from across the room. She stretched and then began caressing Clarke, starting on her belly and moving up to her breasts. Clarke moaned softly and shifted so she could kiss Lexa deeply. Lexa slowly moved her kisses down Clarke’s body. Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hair and held tightly as she opened her legs and Lexa began licking her, working her tongue along her thighs and finally reaching her clit. Clarke moaned more loudly now, throwing her head back. “Yes! That’s good! Mmmmm,” she sighed. The ecstasy on her face was one of the most beautiful things Bellamy thought he had ever seen. But he knew it was not meant for him, so he lowered his head onto his knees and tried to ignore the sounds of pleasure and utterances of affection.

He was still in this position when Clarke came with a loud cry, followed by Lexa’s gentle laughter. “You are amazing,” she whispered. Bellamy glanced up to see Lexa looking at him again. “Our pet thinks so, too,” she said. “I think he’s lonely.” She rose up and walked to him. She was nude but walked with the self-possession of a warrior in full battle gear. Bellamy didn’t move as she approached, not at all sure what would be the appropriate reaction.

“Stand up,” she said simply, which he did. He was dismayed when she looked down at his crotch that his erection was obvious. “You like what you see, don’t you?” she laughed.

“Yes, Heda. I do.” He glanced at Clarke, who had propped herself up on her side and was watching Lexa warily. Bellamy shifted nervously on his feet.

“I want you to make me come,” she said.

“Okay,” he said cautiously. “With my mouth again? Or…”

“With your hands,” she said, parting her legs and putting her hands on her hips. “Only your hands.”

“Can you untie them?” he asked.

“No,” was her only response.

Bellamy nodded and stepped towards her. He was easily five inches taller than her, so he bent slightly at the waist, rotating his hands so he could cup her cunt with one hand and use his thumb to rub her clit with the other. Lexa gave a sharp cry when he penetrated her with two fingers. He stopped suddenly, an apology on his lips.

“Don’t stop, you idiot!” she barked at him. “I want you to be rough.”

“I…just,” he faltered.

“Do what I fucking tell you!” She screamed at him. “I want you to make me come! I don’t want you to be gentle, I want…”

“Get against the wall,” Bellamy said in a low voice, clearly picking up on his directive. Lexa gave him a slow smile and walked to the wall, where she turned and leaned against it. Bellamy kicked her feet apart, put his hands back in the same position, and began to fuck her hard with his fingers. Lexa wrapped one leg around his hips as he leaned his forehead against the wall. She began to claw at his back, thrusting her hips harder into his grip, making the chain binding him to the floor rattle in time with her movements. Within minutes she was screaming, her body shuddering as Bellamy’s shoulders relaxed and his hands slowly dropped in front of him. He stepped back to let her move away from the wall, his face expressionless.

She looked down again at Bellamy’s erection, which had grown painfully hard against his pants. “I’m really sorry about that,” she cooed. “Maybe we’ll take care of it later.”

Bellamy said nothing as Lexa walked back across the room and began to dress. “Tristan?” she called. Her guard entered the room.

“Yes, Commander?”

“Show him where to go and relieve himself,” Lexa gestured to Bellamy and the guard nodded and walked briskly over to release him from his chains. “You can untie his hands too, for now,” Lexa said. The guard raised his eyebrows but said nothing. He gave Bellamy a dark look as he released him and grabbed his elbow.

“This way,” he barked. Bellamy followed in silence until they reached the toilets. He waited for a minute and the guard remained just behind him.

Bellamy looked over his shoulder as he undid his pants. “Are you just gonna watch me piss?” he asked. The guard moved even closer to Bellamy, reached out, and ran his hand up the inside of his thigh. Bellamy glared at him and the guard smirked. “Suit yourself,” he muttered as he relieved himself with a sigh.

When he was led back to the bedroom, Lexa had gone and Clarke was dressing, pulling a simple tank top over her bra. She reached for her pants and looked up as Bellamy walked in. He immediately looked away. “Sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t know you were…”  
  
Clarke gave a small laugh. “It’s fine. I mean, we don’t have anything to hide from each other at this point, right?”

He smiled. “I guess, yeah.” He looked behind him to see that they were still alone. “Clarke, I need to know about Octavia. Where is she?”

“She’s travelling with Indra. They left a few days before you got here. She’s fine, Bellamy.”

He nodded. “She can’t know I’m here. Promise me you won’t tell her.”  
“I can try. But, Bellamy, if she comes back it’s gonna be hard to keep that from her. I mean…”  
  


“She can’t see me,” he insisted. “I can’t let her know what I am. I’d rather she believes I’m dead. Just…promise me.”

“Okay, Bell. I promise. She won’t be back for a few weeks so we can cross that bridge when we get there, right?” He nodded.

She walked closer and took his hand in hers.

“How are you?” she asked with genuine concern.

“I’m okay,” he said. He smiled at her obvious disbelief. “Really, I am. I’m here, with you. I had a meal, and a bed. What’s not okay about that?” He gave her hand a squeeze, releasing it quickly when they heard Lexa’s footsteps on the stone floor.

Bellamy returned to his side of the room and sat down. As Lexa walked in and towards him, he held his hands in front of him, obviously expecting her to re-tie them. Instead, she squatted down in front of him.

“What is your name?” She asked him in Trigedasleng.

“Adam,” he replied.

She smiled. “Like the old myth? The first man?”

He nodded. “My mother read a lot of old mythology and history books to me. I guess she liked that story. The idea of an Eden was appealing to her.”

“And what village are you from?” Lexa continued.

“Rendon,” Bellamy replied without missing a beat. “It’s small.”

“I know it,” Lexa replied. “And your mother, is she still alive?”

“No. She died when I was fourteen,” he said.

“I’m sorry for that, Adam. But I think it’s better than seeing her son become what you are, don’t you?” Lexa asked, studying him for a reaction.

Clarke bit her lip as she watched the pain play across Bellamy’s face. He gave a small nod.

“Yes, Heda. It’s for the best.”

Lexa reached a hand out and stroked his face. “I’m not a monster, you know,” she said, switching to English.  
Bellamy nodded again. “I know. I’m grateful to be here. And…”

“And…?”

“It would be an honor to stay longer. To continue to serve you.”  
Lexa laughed and stood up. “Yes, you did serve us quite well last night. Didn’t he, Clarke?”

“Yes, he did.” Clarke replied, blushing.

Lexa had turned towards Clarke but Bellamy continued talking.

“There are other ways I can be of use.”

Lexa turned back, smirking. “Really? Go on.”

“I can fight. And you need a better guard,” Bellamy said. “You shouldn’t trust the one you have.”

“Tristan?” Lexa said. “Of course I trust him. He’s been guarding me since I became Commander.”

“And he never goes against your orders?” Bellamy asked. Clarke gave him a quizzical look, not knowing where he was going with these questions.

“Never. He knows that would be treason.” Lexa stated.

Bellamy stood up. “Then tell him not to touch me.”  
Lexa frowned. “Not to touch you? Why?”

“Because he will. And when he does, I can prove I’m a better fighter. Then you’ll have two reasons to keep me here…Heda.” Bellamy said.

Clarke could tell Lexa was intrigued by Bellamy’s proposition. She walked to the window and looked out. “I’ll consider it,” she said. “But for now, Clarke and I have business to attend to.” She walked back to Bellamy. “I sent for some breakfast for you. But, I’m going to tie you again.”  
  
Bellamy nodded as Lexa fastened the wrist restraints back on and connected them to the chain. Clarke gave Bellamy a worried look as she left the bedroom with Lexa.

******************************************************************************

Four days later, Lexa and Clarke had gone to dinner. Bellamy had listened to Lexa explain to Tristan that they would be dining with another coalition member. Tristan was to join them.

Lexa had said almost casually as they were leaving, “Tristan, I’ve noticed you looking at my property. You are not to touch him. Understand?”

“Of course, Commander,” Tristan replied. “I think you and my wife both would skin me alive for that!” he gave a small laugh and followed the two women out the door.

Now, thirty minutes later, Bellamy lay on his back listening to the sounds of the night, straining his ears to hear what he knew would be coming any minute. And there it was, the heavy footsteps of Tristan, walking with purpose into the room. Bellamy remained still and closed his eyes. Tristan had a candle with him and placed it on the ground next to Bellamy as he nudged him with his foot. Bellamy stirred slightly and raised his head, squinting at him.

“Stand up,” Tristan hissed. “Now.”

Bellamy stood. “What are you doing in here? Shouldn’t you be guarding the Commander?” he asked.

Tristan grabbed Bellamy by the throat and backed him into the wall. “Listen to me, slut. You don’t concern yourself with my job, you understand?”

Bellamy tried to pull Tristan’s hand off his throat, but he grabbed the chain connected to his wrist restraints and yanked it down, wrapping the excess around his own wrist and pulling Bellamy closer to him.

“Heda said not to touch me,” Bellamy warned. “I heard her. And I know you heard her, too.”

Tristan gave him a shark smile. “Well, I won’t tell if you don’t,” he grabbed Bellamy’s crotch and started rubbing his cock. “So we’re gonna make this quick. Got it?”

“Yes,” said Bellamy. Tristan squeezed his cock tightly, making Bellamy squirm.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir,” said Bellamy.

“That’s it. Now get on your knees and start sucking my cock. I need to be back downstairs in five minutes.”

Bellamy lowered himself onto his knees and waited as Tristan pulled his pants down around his ankles. As he reached forward to put his hands on Bellamy’s head, Bellamy grabbed one of his ankles and yanked up, sending Tristan falling backwards.

“You fucking whore!” he yelled, kicking out and catching Bellamy square in the chest. Bellamy righted himself quickly and leaped headfirst towards Tristan, landing a cracking head butt that left Tristan stunned. As he rose to one knee, Bellamy had already sprung around behind him and wrapped his bound wrists around Tristan’s neck. He began to squeeze, pressing his knee against Tristan’s back as the guard struggled, tearing at Bellamy’s hands to free himself. The guard’s eyes were bulging and his breathing was becoming ragged. “The Commander will kill you for this,” he choked.

A clear voice came from the darkest corner of the room. “I’ve seen enough. Adam, you can release him.” Bellamy seemed reluctant to follow that order, but did so, and stepped away from Tristan who was gasping for air. He looked up as Lexa approached and hit the ground in a crouched position.

“Commander, I am…”

“You are disobeying a direct order. Anything you want to add to that?” Lexa said, her voice dripping acid.

“No, Heda. I…I was weak. I’m sorry. Your prostitute tempted me. He told me to come here and…”

“Enough!” Lexa screamed. “You have committed treason. You will face your punishment.”

Two men walked into the room and dragged Tristan out between them as he was still shouting obscenities at Bellamy. A young woman came in shortly after and Lexa addressed her with a gentle voice. “I need you to prepare another room for Adam. He will need to be confined, but please find some books for him.” The woman nodded and Bellamy stood up and bowed his head to Lexa.

“Heda, thank you. You are very kind.” He said.

“This doesn’t mean I’ve made up my mind,” she said.

When Bellamy had gone from the room, Lexa turned to Clarke.

“What do you think of Adam’s proposal?”

Clarke paused to consider. “I think that he seems,” she thought for a second, “intelligent. Surprisingly so, given his background.”

Lexa nodded. “He is, yes. But that’s not why I brought him here. I wonder if it’s a good idea to let him stay.”

“Well, he was right about Tristan. I mean, I think he reads people well. It could be an asset to you, if you choose to use him for that.”  
Lexa stopped and faced Clarke. “I don’t have a lot of people I can fully trust, Clarke. You know that. And I obviously have fewer than I thought. Adam did me a favor by pointing that out. But I don’t know if I trust his motivations. It’s clear he has ambitions beyond being our…entertainment.” She frowned and took Clarke’s hand. “But I do trust you, Clarke. And I want to know your true opinion.”

Clarke looked at the ground and then back at Lexa. “You know I have a soft side. I always want to end suffering where I can. I think…I think Adam has suffered a lot. I think if you provide him with a way out of that life, he would be unfailingly loyal to you. Gratitude is a powerful motivator.”

Lexa considered this and nodded. “Wise words, Clarke. Let’s sleep on it.” She held Clarke close as Clarke smiled to herself.

*****************************************************************************

Bellamy’s probation period as Clarke’s guard began early the next day. He was given a full set of outdoor gear and a hunting knife to fasten in his belt. When he came outside to join them, he was also wearing a full mask.

“Well, you look…different,” Clarke smiled.

“I like him better without clothes,” Lexa laughed. “But we have work to do. Adam, you need to keep a close watch on Clarke today. We are meeting a large coalition of Trikru from many different villages and some of them have expressed a lot of anger towards my decision to join with her. Her safety is your only concern, do you understand?”

  
“I do,” he said. He and Lexa’s new guard, Otan, held the reins as Lexa and Clarke mounted and began leading the horse away from Polis. They followed a nearly invisible path for several miles and the sun was setting when they began to smell smoke from a distance. Dozens of small fires were burning in a large clearing where people were bustling around, setting up tents and cooking. All eyes turned to the approaching entourage and people began dropping to their knee and bowing as Lexa passed. When they reached the far end of the camp, Lexa pulled the horse still and she and Clarke dismounted.

“Commander!” a woman called.

“Anya, so good to see you, my sister,” Lexa hugged the tall brunette that had joined them. “You remember Clarke?”

Clarke extended her hand, but Anya just gave her a cold stare. “I do.” She turned back to Lexa and gestured to the large tent in front of them. “This is for you.” She paused. “And her, I guess,” she snorted.

Bellamy had pulled his mask away and was tending to the horse. He entered the tent behind the women, carrying an armload of gear.

Anya circled Bellamy, looking him up and down with an appreciative gaze. “Is he new?” she asked.

“He is,” said Lexa. Bellamy froze and stared at the ground. Lexa took Anya’s hand in hers. “Would you like him for the evening?”

Anya smiled. “That’s very generous, Commander. I don’t want to impose.”  
Lexa shook her head. “You’ve been incredibly helpful during this negotiation process. It’s the least I can do. We’re going to eat and settle in and then Adam will join you.”

Anya dipped her head in thanks. She walked close by Bellamy and whispered something in his ear that Clarke couldn’t make out. When she had gone, Clarke began arranging her bed in the tent, motioning Bellamy to do the same.

“It’s been a long day of travelling, Lexa. Maybe we should let Adam rest?” she started.

Lexa crossed her arms over her chest and gave Clarke a level stare. “Please don’t question my decisions. This is not for you to give an opinion on.”

“I understand, it’s just that I think we…”

“Clarke!” Lexa said more sharply. “Anya is my best lieutenant. If she wants Adam for a night, she can have him.”

Clarke turned towards Bellamy, who was spreading a blanket on the floor, deliberately ignoring the conversation.

“Everyone in this coalition serves a purpose,” Lexa continued. “I am Commander, you are one of my main advisors. Anya is a military strategist. You understand, everyone has a job to do? Adam’s purpose is to serve as your guard and to be used for sex. If you have a problem with that, I need to replace him.” Clarke knew Lexa was testing her, trying to gauge her emotional attachment to Bellamy. She needed to tread lightly.

“I understand, Lexa. I’m sorry. You’re right, of course.” She nodded.

“Adam, you need to eat and go to Anya. Otan will stand guard for us.” Lexa said shortly.

“Yes, Heda,” Bellamy said.

Clarke awoke several hours later to the sound of Bellamy returning to their tent as quietly as possible. He crept over to his blanket and began taking off his clothes.

Clarke whispered, “Is everything okay?”

“It’s late, Wanheda,” he responded in a voice laced with fatigue.

“Do you need anything?” she asked.

“Sleep. I need sleep,” he said heavily. He lay down with his back to her and didn’t say anything else. She watched him until she could tell his breathing was even and finally closed her eyes.

******************************************************************************

The following afternoon, Bellamy was walking close behind Clarke and Lexa, the mask covering his face. “I want you to meet one of my key people from Desert Clan,” Lexa was explaining to Clarke as they walked. “His opinion carries a lot of weight so I need him to accept you. His clan is distant from ours, their ways are more…primitive.”

“What’s his name?” Clarke asked.

“Atohl,” Lexa replied. Bellamy froze on the path. Clarke turned to look at him. “Something wrong?” she asked. He shook his head and kept walking.

A large man with a full beard and barrel chest approached them, a fierce look on his face. “Commander,” he said simply. “I see you made it.” He gazed at Clarke with a look that made her extremely uncomfortable.

“You must be Wanheda,” he said. “Tell me, what did you do to get the Commander’s support?” He was still staring at her like a prey animal.

“Wanheda has proven her loyalty to me and her desire for peace between our people,” Lexa said. “I’m sure your clan wants that too.” She wasn’t presenting this as a question, so Atohl merely shrugged.

“It takes more than a pretty face to change some people’s opinion,” he leered. “I want to hear her say why the support of Desert Clan is important.” He ran a hand through his beard. “Let’s take a walk.” He gestured with his chin into the woods.

Clarke looked at Lexa with concern. Lexa nodded, indicating that Clarke should go. Atohl took her by the elbow and led her away with him. When they were out of earshot, Lexa turned to Bellamy. “Follow them at a distance. Keep her safe.” Bellamy was already heading in the direction Atohl had led her, disappearing into the woods on silent feet.

He had only gone a short way when he heard Atohl’s gruff voice and Clarke’s soft one. Bellamy squatted silently behind a tree and listened. “We have an old tradition in our clan. Heda probably didn’t mention it to you.”  
  
“She told me a lot about your history, Atohl,” Clarke replied. “But I’m eager to learn more.”

“Oh yeah?” He gave a short bark of laughter. “Well, this tradition is one that used to symbolize a union between clans. It involved the commander sharing whatever was his, or hers, with the clan leaders.”

Bellamy tensed, watching. Clarke had begun looking over her shoulder nervously. “I…think you better ask Heda if she still abides by that tradition.” She took two steps backwards in Bellamy’s direction. Atohl’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. His other hand clamped over her mouth as he brought her legs out from under her with a swift kick. As she hit the ground, he was already straddling her.

“She won’t be able to argue with this, if she wants me to agree to her coalition,” he growled. He put both hands up to her chest and ripped her shirt open. “It’s time for me to get a look at what the Commander gets to see every night.”

“No…it isn’t,” said a low, menacing voice behind them. “It’s time for you to join your brother in hell.” Bellamy appeared from the shadows, his face murderous. He pounced on the larger man, wrapping one arm around his body and thrusting his knife into Atohl’s throat. He twisted the knife violently as Atohl made a gargling sound, blood gushing from the wound. Bellamy held him in this position until Clarke managed to wriggle out from under him, then flung the body to the ground. He pulled his knife from Atohl’s throat and wiped the blade against the grounder’s shirt. Then, he took his foot and shoved Atohl over onto his back.

Atohl’s lid’s fluttered as he gazed up at Bellamy. “You,” he whispered, then stilled.

Clarke walked up to Bellamy and stood next to him as they both watched the life drain from the man’s face.

“Did you know him?” Clarke asked.

“I was sent to his camp one time. He recognized me from the battle outside Arkadia.” Bellamy paused. “I killed his brother.”

Clarke had a look of horror on her face. “Bellamy…”  
Bellamy’s jaw was clenched. “He made sure I regretted it. I don’t know how many of them had a turn with me. I blacked out at some point so I don’t even know how I got back to Mount Weather. I just woke up at the entrance with three broken ribs and a concussion.”

Clarke tensed. “I can’t bear knowing how much you’ve endured. I wish I could make it go away,” she said.

“Me, too,” he replied. “But we just keep going, I guess. Right?”

“Does this help?” She asked, gesturing to Atohl’s body. Bellamy considered for a long moment.

“It sure doesn’t hurt,” he finally said.

“What is this?” Lexa yelled as she rushed up from the direction of the camp. She quickly surveyed the body on the ground and then looked up at Bellamy. “Explain,” she barked.

“Atohl attacked me. He said something about an old tradition…that you’d have to agree to it.” Clarke started. Lexa held up her hand.

“What did you see?” She asked.

Bellamy leveled his gaze at Lexa. “He was going to rape her, so I killed him.”

Lexa considered this for a minute. She nodded. “Okay, Adam. You and Clarke need to get out of here. I don’t want anyone to know you had a part in this. I’ll take care of it.”  
  
Clarke took Lexa’s hand. “I’m sorry. Are you sure I shouldn’t stay?”  
“Yes, I’m sure.” Lexa pulled Clarke into her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”  
“I will be,” she said.

Bellamy and Clarke walked out of the woods, leaving Lexa stooped over Atohl’s body.

**************************************************************************

When they returned to the tent, Clarke removed her jacket and torn shirt, changing into another one. As she was changing, she heard Bellamy sit heavily on the ground. She turned to look at him. His back was to her and he was holding his head in his hands, his shoulders were shaking.

“Hey, Bellamy,” she rushed to him. “Bell? What’s wrong?” she soothed.

“Clarke,” he sobbed. “I'm broken! And I don’t know if I’ll ever be whole again. I can see a future but I can’t see a path to get there. I wake up every day and just try to survive to the end of it. And every night I just hope I don’t hate myself more than I did the day before.”

Clarke wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her, holding him tightly as his body was wracked with sobs. “Shhhhh,” she whispered, stroking his hair. She began to hum softly, rocking him like a child until he stilled.

He sat up and looked at her through reddened eyes. “I want you to know that if you decide that saving me isn’t worth the risk, I’ll understand.” Clarke was already shaking her head.

“No. We will get through this. We’ll come out of this on the other side, and we will go on. You’ve been there for me more times than I can count. And I’m here for you now, okay?”

He nodded but remained silent. She cupped his face gently and leaned in, kissing his forehead, his eyes, and his lips. Bellamy wrapped his hand gently around the back of her neck and pulled her into him, kissing her more deeply.

“I want to take care of you. Can you let me do that?” she whispered. He smiled his assent and lay back on the bed. Clarke ran her hands gently up under his shirt and caressed his chest. Bellamy closed his eyes while she continued to massage him. She thought he might have fallen asleep but when she shifted on the bed slightly he wrapped his hand tenderly around her wrist.

“I love you, Clarke,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” she said. She stood up and undressed as Bellamy watched her with worshipful eyes. He took his own clothes off and reached out for her. As she lowered her body onto his he began to speak softly to her about his favorite stories. Stories of impossible journeys and harrowing descents into the underworld. Characters with names like Odysseus and Dante. Stories from civilizations long dead except for their words. His favorites were the great love stories, the tales of lovers who defeated all the odds or who died for one another. He cried while he told her these. And as she made love to him, she recognized this for the gift it was. This wasn’t sex for him, this was love. He wanted something beyond the physical act, the one that had become so painful for him. He was sharing more with her than just his body, he was sharing his heart.

They lay wrapped in each other’s arms afterwards, Bellamy twirling her hair gently in his fingers. Clarke kissed his cheek.

“Where did you find all those books to read?” She asked. “I know we had some on the Ark, but I’ve never heard a lot of those.”

Bellamy smiled. “Maya. She helped me as much as she could at Mount Weather. She snuck in to my cell with extra food whenever she could. And books. She always brought me a book. You wouldn’t believe how many they have there, Clarke. It’s something I’ll never understand.”  
  
“What?” Clarke asked.

“How a society surrounded by so much beauty can become so vile and twisted. I wondered about that all the time.” He answered.

Bellamy shifted onto his back, lacing his fingers into hers. “Clarke,” he said slowly. “There’s something else you should know about Mount Weather.”

Clarke turned to look at him, concern on her brow. “What is it?”

“When they made a selection of who would be brought upstairs, I thought at first it was just, for pleasure, you know?” He was not looking at her, focusing on the ceiling. “But something didn’t make sense to me.”

“What?”

“Well, there were twenty-two of us chosen, and only three were women. They gave them all blood tests before they chose them.” Clarke could see Bellamy’s mind working behind his dark eyes. “I wondered why they would want mainly men, but then I figured it out.”  
  
Clarke remained silent, knowing he would continue without her prompting.

“I got used a lot, by women and men both, but…” he sighed heavily, “one day, I was sent to this young woman. I came in, undressed, the usual routine. After we finished, I asked to use the bathroom and when I was in there, I got curious.” Clarke was frowning now.

“Curious…about what?”

“Well, I opened her medicine cabinet and found fertility drugs, so…”  
“Oh my god,” Clarke’s realization struck as he was finishing his sentence.

Bellamy looked at her and nodded. “We aren’t just there for entertaining them, Clarke. They’re using us as a breeding stock.”

Clarke felt rage rising up in her gut, on behalf of her friends still trapped at Mount Weather. And on behalf of the man lying beside her. “Bell,” she said. “Do you think that…”

  
“That I’ve already fathered a child?” he asked, then shrugged. “I have no way of knowing that. I spent my life over the past five months in a cage or on the end of a chain.” His voice was thick with bitterness. She took his hand again and squeezed it.

He rose from the floor and started dressing. “Lexa’s gonna come looking for us soon. I don’t want her to catch me in bed with you.” Once he was dressed, he sat cross-legged next to her as she pulled her own clothes on. “You can rest,” he said. “I’ll stay right here.”

Clarke smiled at him and lay back down, asleep within minutes. When Lexa returned to the tent after another two hours, Bellamy was still sitting beside Clarke, watching her sleep. He looked up to see an expression of gentle affection on her face as she also watched Clarke.

“You love her, don’t you, Heda?” He whispered.

She smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. “I do. And you will continue to protect her, won’t you?” she asked.

“With my life, Heda,” he replied.


	3. Who we are and who we need to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A message from Mount Weather sparks hope for Clarke. Bellamy recalls the woman who saved his life. Lexa is full of surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am working towards a happy ending, I promise. Comments and tag suggestions appreciated. Thanks for reading.

_Mount Weather: Five Months Previously_

The group of Delinquents huddled together, searching the faces around them and mentally calculating who was missing. They had yet to be told why they were there and the others weren’t.

The doors opened and Cage walked in, followed by two guards with shock batons. As he advanced, the small group pressed themselves further against the back of the room. Jasper and Monty cast wary glances at one another, unsure if they should attempt to lead a charge, or remain standing still. Cage scanned the room, clasped his hands behind his back, and began to speak.

“First of all, I want to tell you that your little revolution is over,” he said. “The grounders, the army you were counting on, have deserted you. One of your leaders, Clarke Griffin, is dead.” At that statement, there were cries of shock and outrage. Jasper began clenching his fists, ready to attack. Cage continued, “Your other leader, Bellamy Blake, is here,” he gestured behind him and two other guards came through the door, dragging Bellamy between them. His right eye was swollen shut, blood was running from his nose and mouth, and his clothes were torn. They dropped him at Cage’s feet, where he groaned but made no effort to get up.

Cage motioned for one of the guards to hand him a shock baton. “Before anyone gets the idea to rebel again, let me demonstrate what happens if you do.” He struck Bellamy with the baton and held it to his body for several seconds. Bellamy screamed in pain, gasping when the baton was removed. Jasper felt tears welling up behind his eyes.

“Each of you has an important role to play in our future, both here at Mount Weather, and on the ground. I expect every one of you to comply with your instructions. If you don’t, there will be consequences. Any act of defiance, no matter how small, will result in Mr. Blake being subjected to physical punishment. So I suggest you consider what will happen to him before you decide to do anything stupid. Any questions?” He stood for only a brief second. “No? Good. You will be given your assignments and taken to your new quarters.” He turned and left the room. The guards reached under Bellamy’s arms and dragged him out, the doors closing behind them.

***************************************************************************

Jasper and Monty had been given assignments to help engineer communication towers that could be set up at intervals across the Polis region. They had only grasped bits and pieces of the plan, but it appeared that the Mount Weather population intended to split into smaller groups once on the ground, with each community being able to communicate with the others.

They worked in the main control room, which also housed a bank of security cameras that were monitored at all times. Each camera gave a view of a particular corridor or room within the compound.

Maya had worked with the few sympathizers left to provide them with any information she could gather. All the news she shared was grim. She relayed to them that some of their friends had been forced into providing sex for the Mount Weather population, including Harper, Miller and Bellamy. She also confirmed that Cage had a special hatred for Bellamy for inciting the Delinquents to rebel, and for killing several of his soldiers. So, when they first noticed him being led into Cage’s quarters a few days after his warning to the others, they were concerned for his safety, but could do nothing but sneak glances at the monitor. Bellamy was inside the room for two hours, then handed back to the guards at the door and led down the corridor. By the next week, they realized Bellamy was being brought to Cage at least twice a week, sometimes more. The guards in the control room joked about Cage’s “favorite fuck” every time they saw him, hands bound, shoved into the room with the door shutting behind him. They also noticed that each time Bellamy left, he seemed even less himself. He no longer walked with his head up, his eyes looked empty and haunted. He took slow, measured steps, appearing to be perpetually in pain.

One day, as Monty and Jasper were working, they heard two guards discussing Cage’s plan to farm some of the Arkadians out to grounders. “I bet Blake is gonna be real popular out there, too,” one of them laughed.

“Why don’t you go fuck yourself!” yelled Jasper in a fit of rage, surprising Monty as well as the guards. There was a second of shocked silence before one of the guards rose slowly and walked over to Jasper.

“You want to repeat that?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“He doesn’t,” Monty said quickly. “Definitely doesn’t,” he stressed, giving Jasper a pleading look.

“No? You sure? Because I would love to give Blake the beating of his life, which is what’s gonna happen if you say one more word that isn’t ‘yes, sir.’ You understand?”

“Yes…sir,” Jasper said through gritted teeth.

“Keep working,” the guard said and returned to his seat.

Jasper turned back to his terminal, fists clenched, blinking back tears.

 _What can we do?_ He wrote on a small piece of paper which he handed to Monty. Monty read it quickly and wrote back: _Nothing. Yet. But I’m working on it._

He showed it to Jasper, then stuck the note in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed.

When their work shift was over, each of them was taken back to their tiny cell. Once the guard had locked him in and walked away, Monty pulled a small metal tube and a length of wire from his shirt sleeve. He glanced to the left and right to make sure no one was watching, then stooped down and pulled a loose piece of concrete up from the floor under his bed. A small hole he had gouged out housed a variety of scraps of metal, wires, and other items. He added these to it, placed the concrete back on top and scooted the bed over it. He prayed silently to himself that Bellamy would survive the next few weeks.

********************************************************************

_Grounder camp, present day:_

Clarke and Lexa had remained by the fire as the other council members departed to their tents. They sat, knees touching, without speaking for a long while. Bellamy stood a distance behind them with Otan, watching the area with wary attention.

“I’ve heard news from Mount Weather,” Lexa said quietly. Clarke tensed.

“What did you hear?”

“That several of your people have been harvested,” she said, looking at the ground. “I’m sorry, Clarke. I know that causes you pain.”

Clarke fought back tears. “I don’t know how to just shut that out, Lexa. I can’t stop caring, just because you think it makes sense for me to. Those people were my friends. They trusted me.” The news of her friends dying brought back fresh memories of Lexa’s betrayal. It was clear from her face that Lexa knew what she was thinking.

She took Clarke’s hand. “I know, Clarke. I know. But there was some other news, too.” She looked intently into Clarke’s eyes. “Arkadia received a signal, a repeating message. It was in something called ‘morse code.’ I don’t know what that is.”

Clarke began nodding excitedly. “Morse code! It was used centuries ago in telecommunications. Just a series of signals that make up letters. Anyway, we had to learn it in Pike’s Earth skills class. We all thought it was a waste of time.” She noticed Lexa was giving her a strange look. “I can’t believe…well, what was the message?” Her voice was full of hope.

Lexa smiled. “It was from someone named Monty. It was very short. He said that he and 31 others were still alive, hoping for rescue.” She gave Clarke’s hand a squeeze. “Maybe there is still hope.”

Clarke nodded, her face serious. “I should go to Arkadia, help them come up with a plan.

Lexa frowned. “Clarke, you can’t go right now. We have a lot of work to do to build this coalition. If your people do escape Mount Weather, we want to be ready to really provide a safe world for them to return to. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“But, Lexa, I have to! I can’t turn my back on them a second time!” She cried.

“I don’t think you’ll have to,” Lexa replied. “I think we can come up with a plan, and I think we can deliver it with some reinforcements to Arkadia. Do you trust me?”

Clarke was silent for a long time before she nodded. “I do,” she finally said. Lexa pulled her into a deep kiss and looked her in the eyes.

“You can’t tell anyone here about this message. Or that I’ve agreed to help.” She said.

“I get it,” Clarke said. “You don’t want to look like you changed your mind.” Lexa nodded slowly.

Clarke rose and stretched. “I need some sleep,” she said. “Are you coming?”

“Soon,” Lexa replied. She watched Clarke walk back towards her tent, Adam following close behind.

Lexa looked back into the fire and contemplated the part of the message that she hadn’t told Clarke about.

**_Bellamy is gone_ **

****************************************************************************

_“Do you know why you’re here?” Cage asked him._

_"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing,” he replied. Cage frowned at him._

_“What are you talking about?”_

_Bellamy smiled. “Socrates. It means none of us know why we’re here. Including you.”_

_“That’s real cute,” Cage replied. “I’ll be sure and write that down. In the meantime, why don’t you sit and I’ll explain your situation to you,” he motioned to a chair near his desk. As Bellamy sat, Cage untied his hands. “Before you get the idea that you’re going to harm me, you should know that the guards are monitoring this office with that camera right up there,” he pointed towards the corner. “And if they sense you are even going to sneeze without my permission, one of your friends will be brought in here and beaten while you watch. Is that clear?”_

_Bellamy clenched his jaw and nodded._

_“Good. I want you to listen to me as I read the names of the people whose deaths you’re responsible for,” he said. He sat on the edge of his desk, picked a piece of paper up and began reading. There were sixteen names in all._

_“Those were my people,” Cage said slowly. “I was responsible for their well-being. I failed them, but they are dead because of you. Would you agree?”_

_Bellamy stared at Cage and said nothing. Cage picked up a second list of names._

_“Now I’m going to read the names of sixteen of your people. These are the ones who have been selected for harvesting. Their deaths are also on you.”_

_He read the names slowly, pausing occasionally to gauge the impact it was having on Bellamy. He watched Bellamy’s face, enjoying the look of defiance slowly change into one of despair._

_“What do you want, Cage?” Bellamy asked. “To save those people? What do I need to do?”_

_Cage shook his head. “You misunderstood, Bellamy. Those people can’t be saved. Those people are retribution for the lives you took from me.” He stood up and walked to Bellamy’s chair. “The question you should ask is what can you do to save the rest.”_

_Bellamy glared at him for several seconds. “Okay,” he said finally. “What do I need to do to save the others?”_

_Cage smiled. “Stand up,” he said. Once Bellamy was standing in front of him, Cage stepped closer. “Undress.”_

_Bellamy froze. “You want me to…”  
“You heard me,” Cage replied. Bellamy hesitated and then pulled his shirt over his head. His hands were shaking as he removed his pants. Once he was standing completely naked in front of Cage, he gave him a defiant stare._

_“Happy?” he asked._

_“I’m not doing this to make myself happy, Mr. Blake. I’m doing this to teach you an important lesson.”_

_“Really? What’s that?” Bellamy asked._

_“That your body no longer belongs to you. That you are the property of Mount Weather. I need you to understand that, because the sooner you do, the easier it will be to save your own people.”_

_“I don’t understand how humiliating me is going to save lives,” Bellamy responded._

_“Well, I believe your friends see you as something of a hero. I believe that they would willingly face death to support another of your rebellions.” Cage walked around Bellamy slowly, tracing his hand lightly across his shoulder, which made Bellamy’s skin crawl. “And I believe that once they see you break, they will also break.”_

_Cage turned and walked back to his desk. “I assume that you can guess what your new role here will be?” he asked while pulling up a file on his computer._

_“I can guess,” Bellamy replied. “But I think you should tell me.”_

_“You and some of the other Delinquents have been selected to provide us with…a diversion. We have been through a trying time, as you know. Many of my people are traumatized by the recent events, and…”_

_“They weren’t traumatized by harvesting other humans, though?” Bellamy interrupted. “That? That they were okay with. It’s only when they suffer themselves that things get…trying.” His voice was laced with hatred. “You people have been holed up here for generations, preventing the grounders from accessing any of the things that make your life more comfortable, enslaving them by addicting them to drugs, harvesting others so that you can have better health…” his voice was rising in fury when Cage held up his hand._

_“You may not agree with our methods, Bellamy. But I find it hard to believe you wouldn’t do the same in my position.” Bellamy was shaking his head._

_“No, I wouldn’t,” he replied flatly._

_“Well, I feel certain your partner, Clarke, would have,” Cage continued. “I guess it’s a good thing she died, so we don’t have to find that out.”  
“Go to hell!” Bellamy screamed at him. Cage just gave him a serene smile._

_“You can get dressed now,” he said calmly._

_Bellamy dressed quickly, with Cage casting long gazes up and down his body the entire time. When he was finished, Cage motioned for him to sit at the desk again._

_“I’m giving you your first assignment as a…pleasure provider,” he smirked. “Her name is Ann Lovejoy. Her husband was, I believe, the first person you murdered upon your arrival here at Mount Weather.”_

_Bellamy gave him an incredulous stare. “What? Why would you do that?”_

_Cage gave a small shrug. “I told my people about our new…opportunity. She requested you specifically.”_

_Bellamy stood up, shoving his chair away from him. “You sick bastard! You think I can go to this woman, a grieving widow and…and…”_

_“Yes, I think you can. Because if you don’t, one of your people will suffer the consequences.” Cage continued to smile at him. “And frankly, I don’t really know why she wants you. She may need help changing a lightbulb, she may want to fuck you, or she may just want to punch you in the face for two hours. You’ll do whatever she tells you to do.” He looked down at his desk, dismissing Bellamy with a flick of his hand._

_Rage rose up in Bellamy’s chest. He leapt across the desk, knocking Cage to the ground. He wrapped his hands around his neck and began strangling the life out of him, oblivious to the hands on his shoulders, the yelling in his ears._

“Adam! Adam, stop!” Bellamy looked down and Cage’s face morphed into that of his sparring partner who was gasping for air in his grip. He released him quickly and rolled to the side.

“I’m sorry!” he said. The man rose and gave him a hard kick to his ribs.

“Fucking lunatic,” he muttered.

Lexa reached her hand down and he took it, rising to a seated position. She stood over him, studying him intently.

“You fight with too much emotion,” she said finally. “You are quick and strong, but you lose control. Without control, you’ll lose the fight.”

“Yes, Heda. I know. I’m sorry. I’ll work on that,” he sighed.

“See that you do,” she frowned. Then, surprising him, she sat down next to him. She looked straight ahead and began talking.

“I know that you have suffered a great deal in your life, Adam. But if we don’t control our pain and our anger, it will control us.”

“You’re right,” he said. “I just…sometimes forget.”

“I will not pretend that your life here as my servant will be easy,” she continued. “I have high expectations for you. But you will not suffer unnecessarily.”

Bellamy nodded. “Thank you for that.”

“I have an assignment for you. I’ll have the details for you later. I’ll come to your quarters after your training. Don’t speak of this to anyone, including Clarke.”

Lexa didn’t wait for Bellamy to agree. She stood and walked back to the group of fighters that were waiting for her instructions.

****************************************************************************

_The guards knocked loudly on the door marked “Lovejoy.” Bellamy stood between them, hands bound behind him, shifting nervously on his feet. He was looking at the ground as the door opened, continued to stare at the ground as he heard a soft female voice._

_“Is this Bellamy Blake?” the woman asked._

_“It is,” replied the guard. “As you requested.” He gave Bellamy a hard shove through the door. The other guard cut through the zip tie around his wrists. He leaned into Bellamy’s ear. “If you cause even the slightest trouble here, you know the consequence, right?” Bellamy gave a small nod, still not looking up._

_“We’ll be right outside, Ms. Lovejoy. When you’re finished with him, just let us know.”_

_“Absolutely, gentlemen. Thank you,” she said. She closed the door and walked in front of Bellamy. He continued to look at the ground, noticing she was barefoot._

_A gentle hand touched his chin and raised his head. Ann Lovejoy was in her mid-forties, with blond hair and a tender expression in her hazel eyes. “Are you afraid to look at me, Bellamy?” she asked._

_He was trembling and finding it difficult to speak. He finally managed to whisper, “I was instructed to do…whatever you tell me to.”_

_She smiled. “Well, in that case, I want you to come sit down with me.” She walked further into the room and sat down on a comfortable sofa. Bellamy followed her and tentatively sat on the edge, as far away from her as possible. He looked at the ground again, his hands clasped on his lap._

_“Ms. Lovejoy…” he started._

_“You may call me Ann,” she interrupted._

_“Okay,” he said. “Ann, I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry…about your husband.”_

_Ann shifted closer to him and took both his hands in hers. “Look at me,” she said. Bellamy raised his eyes._

_“My husband was not a good man. I know that. I know what he did to you, and to the others. And while I can say that his death was a shock and it did leave my son without a father, I understand why you killed him.” Bellamy was looking at her with disbelief. He shook his head as though he hadn’t heard her correctly._

_He finally spoke. “I thought you asked me to be brought here so you could punish me.”_

_She sighed. “I knew that that would be easy for Cage to believe. So I’ll just let him believe that.” She nudged him. “And you should too, by the way.” Bellamy managed a small smile, then he became serious again._

_“Would you like me to, uh, undress now?” he asked. He was nervous, fidgeting._

_“God no, Bellamy! I’m old enough to be your mother,” she laughed. He was now clearly very confused. He started blushing._

_“I’m sorry, I thought that was my…purpose.” He stood up and started pacing like a caged animal. He ran his fingers through his hair. “Maybe just tell me why I’m here, please? Ann.”_

_She looked sad and gestured for him to sit again, which he did._

_“Bellamy, I know that your life here at Mount Weather is not going to be easy,” she said. “I know that you will not be treated with much kindness by most of the people here. And I don’t have any way to prevent that. I wish I did. Cage is a cruel man who hates you and he is going to take great pleasure in seeing you suffer.”_

_“Well, I appreciate your honesty,” Bellamy said with a small laugh. “And here I thought Cage was starting to warm up to me.” This made Ann smile._

_“The only way I can help you, Bellamy, is to ask that you be brought here as often as possible. I’ll let them think that you’re here to…you know.” He nodded. “But what I want is for you to have at least a few hours a week that you don’t have to dread. Okay?”_

_Bellamy looked at her, tears welling up in his eyes at this unexpected compassion. “I…I don’t…thank you,” he finally said._

_She continued. “When you come here, you can spend your time however you choose. I have a small library.” She saw his eyes light up and laughed. “You like books?” He nodded. “Come here,” she led him to small alcove with a bookshelf and watched as his eyes roved over the titles. He reached out and touched some of the spines with reverence, whispering titles to himself. She wanted to comfort this young man, who had clearly suffered a great deal in his short life. “You can also just take a nap if you like. It will be your time, understood?”_

_Bellamy nodded and turned to her. “I don’t know how to thank you for this.”_

_“I’m just trying to make amends, for my husband,” she said. “And to hopefully offer you some refuge from whatever else happens. But you have to promise me that this arrangement doesn’t leave this room. Not ever.”  
  
“I swear, Ms. Lovejoy. I won’t ever say a word,” Bellamy promised._

_In the weeks and months that followed, Ann stayed true to her word, requesting Bellamy be brought to her frequently. Each time he arrived, she spent the first 30 minutes examining any injuries he had sustained since she had last seen him. Bellamy never told her the names of the people who had left burns, bites, cuts or bruises on his body and she eventually stopped asking, knowing there was nothing she could do to stop it anyway. Her heart broke every time she cleaned and bandaged a new wound while Bellamy sat stoically, staring at nothing. She fed him whatever extra food she had on hand. He was always ravenous._

_Afterwards, he would generally pull a book from her shelf and curl up on her sofa, reading until he dozed off. She would cover him with a blanket, waking him gently when she felt the guards would have begun to wonder when he was coming out. And each time he left, he gave her a grateful glance as the guards were binding his wrists and leading him away._

Bellamy’s thoughts often returned to Ann Lovejoy and how she had essentially saved his life at Mount Weather. He had never uttered her name to another living person and didn’t intend to. Her trust in him was one of the few points of pride he had left.

He was thinking about her when Lexa entered his room unnoticed. “You appear to be lost in thought,” she said, startling him.

He stood. “I was contemplating my mistakes today during training,” he said.

She nodded. “Good. As long as you learn from it, then you make progress.”

Bellamy had gained new respect for Lexa, watching her as a leader. She was aware of each of her people’s strengths and weaknesses, she was brutal and calculating when it was necessary, and compassionate whenever possible. While it pained him to think about it, he could see why Clarke had fallen in love with her. He did not, however, trust her as Clarke seemed to. Her betrayal of he and Clarke at Mount Weather had been the beginning of his hellish existence and he was not ready to forgive her for that.

“I’m here for two reasons,” she said. “I mentioned an assignment to you earlier today.”

“Yes, Heda,” Bellamy replied. “I’m happy to do what you need. But, what about guarding Wanheda?” he asked.

“She will be under the protection of my own guards,” said Lexa. “And I expect you will return in two weeks or less. If you are successful.”

He nodded. “Okay, what do I need to do?”

Lexa sat on Bellamy’s bed, her elbows on her knees. “I need to help free some of Wanheda’s people from Mount Weather.”

Bellamy felt his heart jump. “Mount Weather?”

“I’m coordinating with some of the Sky People. We’ve received word that there are some survivors still held hostage inside. I know that you are aware of our decision to make a deal with the Mountain Men during out last attempt to free them.”  
  
“I am,” he said, trying hard to mask the outrage he was feeling. “They were left to fend for themselves. I had heard they were all killed.” He kept his voice neutral, but he was clenching and unclenching his fists, struggling to control his emotions.

“I don’t regret that decision,” Lexa said sternly. “But I feel this may be an opportunity to make things right. It’s important to Clarke,” she said. “So it’s important to me.”

Bellamy nodded. “I understand, Heda. Tell me what to do.”

She spent the next several minutes outlining her plan. He was to leave the following morning to rendezvous with the Sky People and assess their needs. He was to keep hidden as she did not want any other grounders to know she was assisting with the rescue effort.

“It would jeopardize my position here if they see me second-guess myself,” she said. “You need to understand how crucial this is.”

“I do,” he assured her.

“I’m not discussing this with Clarke. She’ll try to talk me out of sending you. She seems to think I treat your life with too much indifference.”

“Wanheda has a lot of compassion,” Bellamy responded.

Lexa stood and began to undress. Bellamy raised his eyebrows at her. “Your second reason for coming here?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said simply, sitting back down. She watched him as he began to shrug out of his own clothes. “I’ve noticed something about you, Adam.”

“Oh, yeah. What’s that?” he asked.

“You seem to be aroused by pain. Why is that?”

Bellamy stood, half-dressed, as he contemplated her question. “I wasn’t always,” he finally said. “But when you’re a whore, everyone you’re with either wants to fuck you, or hurt you. Usually both.” He considered for another second. “I think my brain can’t distinguish between pleasure and pain anymore.”

“Do you want me to hurt you, Adam?” Lexa asked. She could feel her own pulse quickening.

He was undressed completely now and walked to the bed. “I belong to you, Heda. If that’s what you want.”

“Lay down,” she ordered. His eyes widened when he saw what she was holding in her hand. Easing himself onto his back, he raised his arms over his head and held the rail of his bedframe as Lexa locked the handcuffs around his wrists.

She stood over him, now holding a short leather strap. “I want to hear you say it. Do you want me to hurt you?”

Bellamy locked eyes with her. “Yes. I do.”

She brought the strap down hard across his thighs, making him hiss. She struck him three more times in rapid succession across the chest, stomach and calves. His breathing became more rapid as red welts rose across his body.

He was fully hard as Lexa straddled him and forced herself down onto his cock in one swift motion. Bellamy groaned loudly, arching his back and then thrusting his hips up to meet hers. Within minutes she had reached orgasm, not slowing down but continuing to ride him like a woman possessed. It was only during his own orgasm that she slowed, her thighs still squeezing his body tightly. She flung herself down on his chest, keeping his cock inside her as both their heartbeats slowed.

“Heda,” he panted. “You need to be careful.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re in the middle of your cycle. You should take precautions.”

“How would you know anything about that?” She asked.

“Because I pay attention,” he said.

She pushed herself up to look him in the eyes.

“I think you need to let me worry about that. And if you say a word about this, I will execute you publicly, Bellamy Blake.”


	4. I'm Still Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy leaves on his mission to Arkadia. Clarke and Lexa have to come to terms with each other's betrayal. Maya and Ann have been plotting assistance to the Arkadian prisoners for months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Clarke woke early, watching the light play across the room. She had been thinking more and more of Bellamy in the days since they had returned from the coalition meetings. It had become harder to disguise her concern for him every time he went into training, or when Lexa pulled him aside and spoke to him privately. She had been unable to get him alone to talk to him at all and was desperate to share the news of the message from Monty. She determined that the time was now. Slipping quietly out of bed so as not to wake Lexa, she tiptoed into Bellamy’s room. A quick glance to his bed confirmed it was empty. She walked further into the room, her anxiety growing as she saw that not only was Bellamy not there, but neither were his few possessions. As she continued to stand and contemplate her next move, she heard footsteps behind her. She whipped around to see Lexa standing in the doorway.

“He left before dawn,” Lexa said.

“What? Where did he go?”

“I sent him to Arkadia. We have a message to deliver, remember?” She asked.

“Why him, Lexa? Why would you send Adam?”

“Why not him, Clarke? You seem to trust him. This is an important mission. I don’t think I should send just anyone, do you?”

Clarke sighed and sat down on Bellamy’s bed. “No,” she said. “You can’t send just anyone. But I…”  
  


Lexa joined her on the bed. “You’re worried. Like always, you are worried about that whore that I brought home on a whim. He’s proven to be useful, but I will use him however I see fit.”

“He’s not just some whore, Lexa!” Clarke cried. “He’s…”

“I know who he is, Clarke,” Lexa said softly.

“What? How could you…”

“Clarke, you betrayed me!” Lexa said. “You let me bring him into Polis, hoping I wouldn’t find out who he was. If anyone else discovers that, it will wipe out all the gains we’ve made in the last months. I need to have loyalty from everyone. Especially you.” Her eyes were blazing with anger.

“At least my betrayal didn’t get anyone killed,” Clarke finally said. “You betrayed me too, Lexa, at Mount Weather. And Bellamy paid a really high price for that. I’m not going to apologize for saving him.” They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“How did you figure it out?” Clarke finally asked.  
  


“Bellamy would do anything for you. I’ve listened to you talk about him for months. I know what your relationship was like. When I saw him that day after he killed Atohl, I suspected you meant a lot more to him than he let on. The way he looks at you, protects you. It started to make more sense.” Lexa looked at the floor. “And then the message from Mount Weather.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes. “What about the message?”

“I didn’t tell you everything,” Lexa replied. “The final part of the message said that Bellamy was gone. It wasn’t specific, but it was enough to add to my suspicion. And then I confronted him.”

“Wait, so Bellamy knows that you know who he is? And he agreed to go to Arkadia. Lexa, did you threaten him?” Clarke was rising from the bed. “Because if you did…”

Lexa stood as well. “Bellamy left willingly, Clarke. I explained what I needed him to do and why it made sense that he is the one to do it.” She took Clarke’s hand. “I also promised him that I would keep you safe. That was his only concern.” She kissed Clarke and looked into her eyes. “You are right to have so much faith in him,” she said. “I will spare his life, because I love you.”

Clarke bit her lip, staring at Lexa. “I love you, Lexa. But I want you to understand that Bellamy is one of the most important people in my life. I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for him. And Lexa?”  
  


“Yes?”

“I love him, too.” She swallowed hard, waiting for a reaction. After a long pause, Lexa nodded and left, leaving Clarke standing in the empty room.

“Do you still have hope, Bellamy?” she whispered to herself.

*****************************************************************************

_“I’ve called you all in to discuss your disobedience over the last few days,” Cage said to the group of Delinquents huddled in front of him. He smiled and spread his hands in a benevolent gesture. “I understand you’re having trouble adjusting to your new life here. But, we can’t have people breaking the rules. It creates unnecessary chaos. So, these meetings will be called as often as necessary to help you…adapt.” He motioned to the guard standing beside him who opened the doors. Bellamy was dragged in and forced onto his knees next to Cage._

_“I have a list here of the people who have committed various crimes,” Cage said, producing a sheet of paper from his jacket pocket. “As I read your name, you will come and stand in front of Mr. Blake while he receives your punishment.”_

_There were audible cries and murmurs of protest from the group. Cage ignored them._

_“Zoe Monroe, please come forward,” he said._

_Monroe, a petite girl with brown hair, looked to the people on either side of her, silently pleading for some way out. Everyone stared at the ground. She took two tentative steps forward._

_“Closer,” Cage said, gesturing to spot just in front of Bellamy. Monroe stepped in front of him, tears in her eyes. As Bellamy looked up at her, she whispered, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry.” He nodded._

_Cage looked down at his sheet of paper again. “Zoe Monroe, you are charged with attempted theft.”_

_Monroe looked confused as she turned to Cage. “Sir, I didn’t steal anything!”_

_Cage smirked. “When you were sent to entertain one of my people, you tried to leave with something of theirs. What was it?”_

_Tears were streaming down her cheeks. “It was an apple,” she whispered._

_“What’s that? I didn’t hear you. Did you say you were stealing food?” Cage asked, directing the question to the group at large._

_“Yes! Okay? I tried to take an apple. I was hungry. There was an entire bowl full of the damn things,” she yelled. “Our rations aren’t enough!”_

_Cage shook his head slowly. “See, here’s the problem. I intended to up the rations due to everyone’s good behavior for two days in a row. But you ruined that. Now the rations remain the same, and everyone suffers for your mistake. Especially him,” he gestured to Bellamy._

_“The punishment for theft is five shocks, five seconds each,” he announced. “You can proceed,” he said to the guard._

_“No! Please!” Monroe cried as the guard rammed the shock baton into Bellamy’s side. He gasped and gritted his teeth through the next five seconds. The second shock brought him to all fours, heaving and shaking. The third made him vomit on the floor. By the fifth shock, he was curled in a ball, convulsing, eyes squeezed shut. Monroe stood sobbing through the entire process, as the other Delinquents began to cry as well._

_Cage bent down towards Bellamy and spoke into his ear. “Get up. We aren’t through. There are six names on this list.”_

_He struggled to his knees as the second Delinquent was called up to the front. As the next crime and its punishment were announced, Bellamy began to scream…_

…he was screaming, down on all fours, and it was this release that brought him back to reality. He collapsed onto his back, staring at the sky, holding his hands in front of his face, reveling in the fact that he was not at Cage’s mercy. He was free, he was on the ground, he was on his way to make sure his people survived.

“I’m still breathing, Clarke,” he said to himself. “I still have hope.”

He stood up as a few raindrops began to fall and continued on his way to Arkadia.

****************************************************************************

**_Mount Weather, four months previously_ **

Since Jasper and the others had been taken, Maya had become more withdrawn, less quick to smile. Her few friends noticed and gave her space, and her father was sympathetic. But the longer the Delinquents were kept captive, the more anxious she became. Every time she passed Miller, Harper, or one of the other ‘pleasure providers’ being led through the corridor to their next assignment, she wanted to cling to them, tell them she would save them, beg them to forgive her and her people. She did none of those things, though. She walked with her head down, unable to meet the despairing eyes of those who no longer expected a rescue.

She missed Jasper so much it was physically painful. She was in the great hall, attempting to force herself to eat breakfast, when she became aware of someone sitting down across from her.

“Act happy to see me,” she heard a woman say. She looked up to see Ann Lovejoy. Her first reaction was confusion, but she immediately recovered and gave Ann a big, fake smile.

“Hi Ms. Lovejoy. How are you?” she asked.

Ann smiled at her. “I’m fine, Maya. How is life as a medical intern?” She leaned closer across the table. “I need to speak with you. It’s about the Arkadia kids.”

Maya’s eyes widened. “I don’t know…I can’t…” she stammered.

Ann put her hands over Maya’s. “It’s okay, honey. I’m on their side, too. You can trust me,” she whispered.

Maya shook her head. “I don’t trust anyone. Not anymore.”

Ann nodded. “I understand. But I want to help with something. In particular, I want to help prevent what I think are involuntary pregnancies here. Do you know anything about that?”

Maya looked startled before recovered. She took a deep breath. “I might know something. What is it you think you can help with?”

“Come to my quarters later if you can. I’ll explain. Okay?” Ann rose and walked around to Maya’s side of the table. “We don’t have a lot of time.”

Maya nodded as Ann left the room. “Okay.”

**************************************************************************

That evening, Maya knocked softly on Ann Lovejoy’s door. Ann opened it almost immediately and gave Maya a big smile.

“Hello Maya, thank you for coming,” she poked her head out the door, glancing in both directions quickly before ushering the younger woman inside.

A small boy was standing in the middle of the room. Maya gave him a wave and he waved back.

“Honey, you need to go do your homework before dinner, okay?” Ann said to him gently. When he had disappeared into the small bedroom, Ann motioned for Maya to sit with her on the sofa. As she did so, Maya noticed a jar of seeds sitting on the coffee table.

Ann studied her for a minute before she began to speak. “How much do you know about what’s happening to the kids from Arkadia?” she asked.

Maya was wringing her hands, biting her lip nervously. “Everything, I think,” she finally said.

Ann put her hand over Maya’s. “I know you had someone who was…special to you,” she said. “I’m sorry. I hear he’s still alive though, right?”

Maya nodded. “I’m sorry about your husband, too, Ms. Lovejoy,” she began. Ann waved her off.

  
“No need.” She stood up and walked toward the kitchen alcove. “Can I get you something to drink?”

Maya shook her head. “I’m fine, thanks. Ms. Lovejoy?”

“Call me Ann,” she said as she returned with a cup of tea and sat down.

“Ann, I’ve heard rumors that you…um.” She shifted awkwardly on the sofa.

“That I, what?” Ann asked gently.

Maya tried the question from a different angle. “Well, I know the people from Arkadia have been forced to…do things. I mean, besides being harvested.” She was wringing her hands again. “And I know that Jasper and his friend Monty are being made to work with the engineers. But there were others.” She paused. “Bellamy. I heard that you…”

“Oh! Yes, you heard I was having Bellamy brought here to me,” Ann said. “That’s right, I have been.”

Maya frowned. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. If you’re actually using Bellamy for,” she was blushing. “For sex, then why do you…”

Ann interrupted her. “Maya, it’s true that Bellamy has been coming here. But I haven’t been using him for anything. I bring him here so he can escape his mistreatment. At least for a little while. He eats, he reads, he sleeps. That’s all.”

Maya continued to frown. “Well, that’s really…nice of you.” She stammered. “I’m sure he appreciates it. I still don’t know what I can help you with.”

Ann looked at her intently. “Maya, Bellamy has confided certain things to me. Certain suspicions he has. I wanted to see if you can confirm them. And if they’re true, I was hoping you and I could do something about it.”

“Okay. Well, what is it he thinks is happening?” she asked.

“He thinks that he’s being sent to certain girls in order to get them pregnant. And he thinks that’s happening with all the Arkadia prisoners. He’s most concerned about the three girls that have been forced into this.” She sighed heavily. “And I thought, with your access to the medical facility and records, you might be able to shed some light.”

Maya broke into a sob. “It’s true! Bellamy’s right,” she cried. “I’m in charge of administering the fertility drugs, and testing the patients,” she started shaking. “This is so cruel. All of it!”

“Maya,” Ann said softly. “Are you…are you one of the young women that they’re…”

Maya shook her head quickly and sniffed. “No, I, uh, I was really sick when I was little. And they found out that I won’t be able to have children.” She shrugged. “It didn’t seem like a big deal, until I met Jasper.” She looked up at Ann with tears in her eyes. “I love him. We talked a lot about what might happen when we were both able to leave Mount Weather. And then,” she started crying again.

“Come here, honey,” Ann said. She scooted close to Maya and put her arm around the younger woman. “It’s gonna be okay. I have a plan for at least one problem.” She squeezed Maya tighter. “You want to hear what it is?”

Maya straightened and wiped her eyes. “Anything I can do to help, I will.”

“Good,” Ann said. She gestured to the jar of seeds on the table. “Do you know what those are?”  
Maya shook her head.

“They come from a plant called Queen Anne’s Lace. Beautiful name, isn’t it? It grows everywhere up on the ground.” Ann smiled. “This is the plant that saved me from a lot of trouble.”

“What does it do?” Maya asked, her curiosity overcoming her grief.

“Well, if you make a tea from the seeds, it prevents a pregnancy. It’s most effective immediately after sex, but it still works for up to four, even five days after. It was something I used to use…a few years ago.”

“But, you’re married,” Maya began, then corrected herself. “I mean, you **were** married. Sorry.”

“I was married to a really awful man,” Ann said quietly. “He was often abusive, to me and our son.”  
  
It was Maya’s turn to offer comfort. “I’m so sorry. I never knew that. I guess I didn’t really know you…or him, that well.”

“It’s okay. I was like a lot of abused women. I kept it to myself,” Ann said. “But I did confide in one person. I won’t tell you their name, but they were frequently sent to the ground. And they were able to bring these seeds back for me. They knew I didn’t want another child.”

“And it works?” Maya asked.

“Yes, it does. And that’s where I need your help. If you think you can. I want to make sure and prevent the Arkadia prisoners from getting pregnant if at all possible. And our girls, too. I don’t think anyone should become a parent against their will.”

“Won’t they figure out something is going on? I mean if there aren’t any pregnancies?”

Ann nodded slowly. “I’m hoping what they will think is that the two groups are just genetically incompatible after so many years developing in different atmospheres. I won’t pretend to know the science, but is that something plausible?”

Maya frowned as she considered this. “Maybe, yeah. I mean, it would make sense.” She picked up the jar of seeds. “Am I just supposed to offer everyone a cup of tea?”

Ann laughed. “Well, I did a little research. I think we can boil the seeds, then take that concentrate and add some to food, or put it in a capsule. You said you administer the medication to these girls, right?”

Maya nodded. “I think this is worth a try.”

Ann hugged her. “I think you shouldn’t give up on a future with Jasper. Okay? Let’s try to solve this problem and then work on that one, together.”

Maya hugged her back. “Sounds great. Thank you.”

******************************************************************************

**_Between Polis and Arkadia: Present Day_ **

Bellamy had chosen a spot to camp for the night and had built a small fire when he heard a rustle in the woods to his left. He stood up.

“Chon ste der?” he shouted, pulling a knife from his waistband. He tensed as three grounders approached.

“Hei! Oso are trikru,” one of the three replied, holding up his hands. Bellamy relaxed and put his knife away.

“Kei glong op Ai,” Bellamy responded, gesturing they were welcome to join him at the fire. As the third man came through the woods, he stopped in his tracks.

“You!” the man shouted, advancing on Bellamy. The other two grounders froze.

“Who is this?” one of them asked.

“This is the Commander’s whore,” said the third man, removing his mask.

“Tristan,” Bellamy gasped. “What are you…” Tristan lunged at him. Bellamy began to pull the knife back out, but Tristan had already tackled him. He whipped his own knife out and held it to Bellamy’s throat.

“What’s going on?” one of the grounders asked.

“I think this slut is trying to escape,” Tristan said. He leered at Bellamy. “Did life as a fuck toy get to be too much for you? Well, too bad. I’m bringing you right back to Heda. If I’m lucky, she might give me my old position back.” He dug the knife into Bellamy’s throat, drawing blood. “You should have just sucked me off when you had the chance,” he hissed.

Bellamy’s mind was racing. He couldn’t reveal why he was really out here. He sighed.

“Are you saying it’s too late for that?” he asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about making a deal,” Bellamy said. “I’ll do what you want, you let me go.”

“No. Hell no,” Tristan replied. “Here’s my deal for you. We’re all three gonna fuck you and then I’m gonna drag your sorry, traitorous ass back to Heda. If you’re lucky, she’ll let you live. Sound good?”

“Not really, no,” Bellamy said.

“You are a real piece of work,” Tristan said, dragging Bellamy to his feet. “Get some rope,” he said to one of his companions.

Once Bellamy’s wrists were secured to a log placed across his shoulders, Tristan forced him to kneel. He stood in front of him, shaking his head in disgust. “I can’t believe I lost my post because of you.” He punched Bellamy hard in the face. “My wife left me, too.” He punched him again. He was raising his fist to hit him a third time when there was a sudden movement in the trees. The other two grounders dropped simultaneously, one with a knife buried in his forehead, the other with a spear piercing his neck.

“What the hell?” Tristan turned to see his two companions fall. He turned back and Bellamy had already sprung upwards, rotating his upper body with all the force he could, knocking the end of the log he was secured to into the side of Tristan’s head. Tristan fell to the ground and Bellamy kicked him hard in the face.

He turned back towards the woods and saw Octavia and Lincoln running towards him.

“Bellamy! Thank god!” Octavia shouted.

Lincoln rushed to him and untied his wrists, lifting the log off his shoulders as Bellamy pulled his sister into a tight embrace.

“It’s good to see you, O,” he whispered into her hair. “Really good.” He looked up at Lincoln. “You too, Lincoln.”

Lincoln gave him a nod. They looked down as Tristan began to groan softly, regaining consciousness. Lincoln pulled a knife from his belt, knelt down, and slit Tristan’s throat.

“I think we might want to find a different spot to camp,” he said. “This one is full of dead people.” He strode off through the woods, Octavia and Bellamy following him.

They walked for another hour before setting up camp. As they walked, Octavia filled Bellamy in on her early return to Polis with Indra.

“Clarke approached me, and said she wanted to speak to me alone,” Octavia said. Bellamy frowned at her.

“And?”

“And she told me you were alive, Bell. It was the best news I’d heard in months. But I wondered why you hadn’t found me to tell me yourself. Clarke said you’d been sent on an assignment by Lexa and she wanted me to find you and keep you safe.”

Bellamy snorted. “My little sister is my bodyguard now,” he said.

She stopped walking. “Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but things didn’t exactly look like they were going your way back there.”

“No, you’re right. They weren’t,” he replied. “You saved my life.”

“Again,” she rolled her eyes and laughed.

***************************************************************************

The three sat in silence with the fire crackling between them for a long time. Octavia was the first to break the silence.

“Bell, Clarke told me that you went through a lot at Mount Weather.” Bellamy was poking the fire with stick. He looked up at her, then back to the fire.

Octavia persisted. “Do you wanna…talk about it?” She asked gently.

He threw the stick in the fire.

“No, I don’t,” he said. He clasped his hands together and bit his lip. “Talking won’t change anything. What happened, happened. I need to focus on what I’m doing next.”

“I get that,” Octavia said. “But I just…I remember you telling me that we all need to slay our demons before we can move on. I think you should do the same. Maybe?”

Bellamy looked at her with such an expression of anguish that she rose from where she was sitting and rushed to his side. Sitting down beside him, she put her arm around him and pulled him close.

“Whatever it was, Bell, I’m here. You don’t have to deal with this alone.” Lincoln nodded his agreement.

“She’s right. We’re all family,” he said.

Bellamy’s shoulders drooped and he looked back at the ground. At that moment, he reminded her so much of the times when their mother would hold him close as he cried about the unfairness of their life of secrecy. She squeezed him again.

“How much do you remember about mom?” he asked. “About the things she had to do in order to make sure we were both okay?” He looked at her, tears in his eyes. “She had to let men do things to her…you knew that, right?” Octavia could feel tears welling in her own eyes. She nodded.

“I remember hating her for that sometimes,” he continued. “I mean, I really, really hated her for letting those men degrade her like that. Sure, I wanted to kill them. But I also wanted to hurt her.” He sighed. “I didn’t understand that she did what she had to do. She did it because she loved us and she didn’t have a choice.” His voice was breaking. “But I understand it now.”

Octavia was silent, still holding him. “Shhhh,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”  
  
“No, it’s not okay. Cage made me…he made me a whore, O. Just like our mother.” A gasp escaped Octavia’s lips. She dropped to her knees in front of her brother and grabbed his hands.

“You look at me, Bellamy,” she demanded. “That does not make you weak, do you understand? Our mother wasn’t weak, either. You know that, right?”

Bellamy didn’t say anything. He looked up and met Lincoln’s gaze. Lincoln shrugged.

“Hey, Cage made me a cannibal, so no judgement here,” he said.

Octavia whipped her head around and gave him a withering look.

“What?” he mouthed silently.

Bellamy had his head on his knees. His shoulders were shaking.

“Bell? You okay?” Octavia asked. She rubbed his shoulders. “Hey?”

He looked up again and she realized he was not crying but laughing. It began as a chuckle and then he was laughing uncontrollably. Lincoln began to join him. “I’m glad you find my past life as a cannibal humorous,” he said. Bellamy just laughed harder. Octavia stood up and looked at both of them.

“Seriously? I can’t believe either of you find this funny.”  
Bellamy got his laughter under control. “Sorry, O. It’s just really good to see you two again.”

Octavia huffed, but finally gave him a smile. “We’re staying with you, Bell. Make sure you get to Arkadia with your message, ok? You sleep, I’m on first watch.”

Bellamy squeezed her hand. “Thanks, sis,” he said. He was asleep almost instantly.


	5. The Belly of the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maya and Ann continue their secret aid within the walls of Mount Weather. The depths of Cage's cruelty continue to be revealed, and he really wants Bellamy back. Skaikru develops a plan to rescue the Delinquents. But they need an inside man so Bellamy makes a fateful decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda dark, so be warned. Cage is a really awful guy. Comments welcome and thanks for reading!  
> _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Clarke saw Octavia and Lincoln first, walking side by side. As they got closer, she could make out the man walking behind them. Her heart leaped and she grinned in spite of herself. As they came closer, even behind the grounder mask, she could tell he was smiling back at her by the way his eyes were crinkled. She longed to run to him and hug him, to feel his strong arms wrapping around her.

“Wanheda,” he said. “It’s good to see you.”

“I’m glad you’re back, Adam,” she said. “It’s been a while.” It had been two weeks to the day, and every day he had been gone, she had worried non-stop, imagining worst-case scenarios in her head. Seeing him in front of her made her feel like she had been holding her breath for two weeks and could finally release it.

Clarke gave Octavia an affectionate hug.

“Did you keep him out of trouble?” she asked quietly.

“He doesn’t make it easy, but yeah,” Octavia smiled at her big brother.

“How’d it go? Were you successful?” Clarke asked Bellamy.

He nodded. “Skikru is developing a plan. I think it’ll work. I wanted to make sure we have an option that doesn’t kill everyone inside Mount Weather,” he said.

Clarke couldn’t believe that Bellamy cared at all about the people who had so mistreated him over the last months. Her expression must have revealed her confusion.

“There are some people there who helped me, Clarke. People I trust. And children.”

She smiled. “Well, I think we need to meet with Lexa and discuss it. Ready?”

Bellamy gave his sister and Lincoln a hug and turned to follow Clarke through the crowded street towards the central tower.

Bellamy and Clarke entered Lexa’s quarters, where she was standing by the window with her back to them. She turned and Bellamy dropped to one knee, surprising Clarke. Then she realized that Lexa’s guard was seated in the shadows.

“Heda,” Bellamy said, eyes lowered.

“Adam,” Lexa said, striding forward. “You’re back.” She turned to her guard. “You can wait outside.” He nodded, rose from his chair, and stepped out.

The three of them sat down and Lexa leaned forward, looking intently at Bellamy.

“You have news?”

“I do. Skaikru received a second message from Monty. All but sixteen of our people are still there, still alive, still in need of a rescue. Kane intends to send a small contingent to Mount Weather. He can’t afford a large group right now, but we don’t think it’ll be necessary to carry out what we have planned.”

“Which is?” Clarke asked.

“It involves Monty’s engineering skills, a few weeks of preparation, and a lot of luck. He can create a false radiation alarm and a lot of chaos. Prior to that, our people will have a specific route to follow and the timing has to be perfect. I have a really good mental map of the place, so we were able to draw that out. Our hope is the Skaikru people can escape before anyone realizes they’re gone. We only need about a two or three minute head start into the woods. Your people, Lexa, will provide cover once they get out of the bunker. If you can spare some.”

Lexa nodded. “It will be done.” She smiled at Clarke, who reached out her hand and took Lexa’s.

Bellamy tried to ignore the display of affection between the two women and continued. “It’ll take a few weeks to get the plan in motion once our people at Mount Weather know what to do. Basically, we’ll get Monty to create a small device that sabotages the radiation alert system that every Mount Weather resident has in their room. Raven will be within radio distance to give him instructions. Our people who are…being used like I was will place one of these in every room they’re sent to. We have to be patient so no one suspects it. Once they’re all in place, Monty flips a switch and we have a very short window to release everyone from their cells and head out through the tunnel system. Four other Skaikru will be there to guard the tunnel entrance from Reapers.”

“It’s a sound plan,” Lexa commented. “Your attempt to spare lives is commendable.”

Bellamy nodded, his jaw set. “There is one life I won’t spare, though.”

“Cage?” Clarke asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes, I want him dead,” Bellamy said. There was silence for a moment as the three contemplated what needed to happen next.

Bellamy looked away. He was wringing his hands together.

“One more thing,” he said. “They’re going to need a man on the inside.”

Clarke gasped. “No! Bellamy, no. You are not going back there.”

Bellamy looked at her and gave her a half smile. “Yes I am. I can get in and get Monty the information he needs through the few trusted contacts I have there. I can set up the timing for the escape and the route to take. And, I’m the only one that can get into Mount Weather without causing suspicion. All I have to do is knock on the front door.”

“You’re just going to walk in?” Clarke said. “Bellamy, Cage will kill you,” her blue eyes were filling with tears.

Bellamy tried to meet her gaze but failed. His eyes lowered and he whispered, “No he won’t. Cage loves…hurting me. He gets off on my pain. He won’t want to end that.” He paused and then gave a short laugh. “Anyway, Princess, if you have a better plan, I’d love to hear it.”

Clarke turned to Lexa. “Lexa, tell him! He can’t go back. Please.”

Lexa was studying Bellamy’s face. “No, Clarke. He’s right,” she finally said. “And I can see in his eyes that his mind is already made up.”

“So, when will you go?” Clarke asked.

“Tomorrow,” he replied. “The sooner I get there, the more time I’ll have to get everything in place.” He stood up. “Heda, thank you for supporting my decision.”

Lexa stood and extended her hand. “I’ll have some escorts for you, at least until you get within the boundaries of Mount Weather.”

“Understood, thanks.” He walked out of the room and Lexa turned back to Clarke.

“I can’t believe you’re letting this happen,” Clarke said, her fury barely controlled. “He has been through enough, Lexa! And even if Cage doesn’t kill him, he’s going to brutalize him. He will be in there, unprotected, for weeks.” She put her head in her hands.

Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “Listen to me, Clarke. Bellamy is a warrior. And a good one. He understands effective military strategy. That’s what this is. I know it’s hard to see it that way because of your feelings for him. But he deserves to have this attempt to free his people. To have vengeance on Cage.”

“I hope you’re right,” Clarke sighed.

*****************************************************************************

The first time Cage had summoned Bellamy to his quarters for sex, it had been a quick, brutal affair. Knowing that he had never been with a man before did nothing to diminish Cage’s cruelty. He bent him over his desk, slammed his head down against the polished wood, and savagely defiled him. Throughout the assault, he described the ways in which he intended to make Bellamy’s life so miserable that he would beg for it to end and assured him that he would be denied even that small mercy.

In the weeks and months that followed, Bellamy became Cage’s frequent victim. But, with each violation, he was better able to pull his mind away from what was happening to him and free himself from at least some of the physical agony of the abuse. When Cage sensed that he was able to shut down his emotions during their encounters, he devised more sadistic or humiliating tests of Bellamy’s resolve. Pulling up live video feed of one of the Delinquents with a gun to their head or being beaten, withholding food from him for days on end, conducting experiments with his pain tolerance in the lab with Dr. Tsing, all were successful to varying degrees. But his most productive method of breaking Bellamy had been his genius plan to send him out to service the grounders. He returned from these assignments mentally and physically destroyed. Cage would request Bellamy’s presence immediately upon his return, making him sit on his sofa and describe in detail everything that had been done to him. These sessions would end with Bellamy in tears and Cage feeling momentarily triumphant.

The most curious thing to Cage, when he bothered to self-reflect, was that none of the rage and pain he unleashed on Bellamy diminished his hatred of him. In fact, it seemed that it fueled his hatred all the more. For as much as the Delinquents had fallen in line and as much as Bellamy had become compliant, he still caught the brief glimpses of defiance, the desire for vengeance that burned in this young man. It was a code he couldn’t seem to crack.

Bellamy had now been gone from Mount Weather for several weeks. Cage had questioned the men who had hired him out on his last assignment. They had passed him to a grounder, who had agreed to return him the next day, but they had been unable to find him. He sent searchers out every two days to comb the woods. The latest news they brought to Cage is that Bellamy had somehow been sold to the Commander and taken to Polis. While this was a more delicate negotiation, Cage had been ruminating on the problem constantly. He was reluctant to engage in hostilities with the grounders, but he wasn’t willing to let Bellamy go either. He would have to come up with something the Commander would be willing to trade for. “He belongs to me,” Cage whispered to himself.

*****************************************************************************

**_Mount Weather: four months previously_ **

Miller missed Bryan. He missed the tedium of life on the Ark. He missed his dad. But mostly, he missed his freedom. As he was led to a door between two guards, he wondered idly if he would ever have it again. One of the men rapped on the door, and to Miller’s surprise, Maya opened it. She gave the guards a shy smile and allowed them to enter.

They cut the zip tie holding Miller’s hands behind his back and stepped back out into the corridor.

“He’s all yours,” one of them said.

Maya shut the door gently behind them and turned to face Miller.

“Hello, Nathan,” she said softly.

Miller was looking around the room nervously. “Where’s…uh, where’s your dad?” he asked.

“He’s at work,” she said.

“Um, okay,” Miller stuttered. “Should we just…go to your room then?” He shifted on his feet.

Maya blushed. “Oh! Gosh, no. That’s not why you’re here. Sorry!”

He breathed out a heavy sigh. “Oh, thank God.” He saw the look on her face. “I mean, that’s not what I meant. It’s just, Jasper’s a friend and this was going to be really…weird.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “I know what you meant.” She gestured for him to sit down. After she explained the plan she and Ann Lovejoy had developed, Miller put his head in his hands and sat for a long time.

“Maya,” he said, “I don’t know how to thank you for what you’re doing. But I don’t want you to take these kinds of risks for us. For one thing, Jasper will not be okay if anything happens to you.”

Maya nodded. “I understand the risks, Nathan. I’ve already made up my mind.” She pulled a pencil and paper from her bag. “I need you to write down the names of all the young women you’ve, um, visited. Also if you remember the day you were there. It’ll save time when I know who to focus on. If it’s been more than a day or two…”

“It’ll be too late for this to work,” he finished. “You know, I’d really like you to put Harper, Fox, and Monroe first here. You know they were selected specifically because…”

“I know, I’ve already visited them.”

“I hope this works, Maya,” he said. “But…”

“I know. I’ll do what I can,” she said. She put the list in her bag. “I’m sorry that I can’t stop this from happening to you. To everyone.” She stood and smoothed her skirt. “I need to finish my check-ups.”

“Will you give Bellamy a message for me?” Miller asked. She nodded solemnly as he spoke. When he was finished, she walked across the room and opened the door. The two guards were waiting to take Miller back to his cell.

Maya left her quarters and walked quickly down the hallway, looking furtively in all directions. As she approached the door to Bellamy’s cell, the guard named Emerson stepped out, zipping up his pants. He saw her and smirked.

“You here to see Blake?” he asked. She nodded, looking at the floor. “Might want to give him a minute,” Emerson said. He sat down in his chair and picked up a book. She could hear the muffled sound of someone retching on the other side of the door. She stood quietly, wishing she could kill Emerson with her bare hands. After another minute, Maya slipped into the tiny, barren cell to find Bellamy laying on his cot on his back, one arm thrown over his eyes. The only other object in the room was a bucket sitting on the floor near the foot of the cot. He didn’t move as she entered and shut the door softly behind her. She set her medical bag on the floor and took another step towards him.

“Bellamy?” she whispered. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Maya. Doing great,” he sighed. He sat up and swung his legs to the floor. “You here for my checkup? Make sure I’m not dead?”

“I, um, yes.” He began rolling up his sleeve while she pulled the blood pressure monitor from her bag. She crouched in front him and wrapped the monitor around his arm. As she looked up at him, she saw that his left eye was bruised and swollen. She reached up to touch his face and he flinched away from her.

“What happened?” she asked.

“That guard, Emerson, was a friend of Lovejoy’s,” he said. “He just paid me a visit to remind me.”

Maya turned and pulled something else from her bag, wiping tears away as she did. “Let me put this on it. It’ll help with the swelling,” she said.

“I have two messages for you,” Maya whispered as she was applying some cream to his face. Bellamy remained still, but his eyes shifted to hers.

“The first is from Ann Lovejoy,” Maya continued, checking the monitor and pulling it off his arm. “Blood pressure slightly elevated,” she said, jotting down numbers in her notebook. She pulled a thermometer from her bag next. Bellamy obediently opened his mouth and let her place it under his tongue.

“She and I are working on a…birth control experiment.” He raised his eyebrows. “We want to prevent your people from becoming parents against their will,” she said. His jaw quivered slightly around the thermometer and he nodded. She explained the plan as she had to Miller.

She put her fingers to his wrist to check his pulse.

“The second message is from Miller.” Bellamy looked pained. “He wants you to know that everyone is still amazed at your courage,” her voice broke slightly. “And your strength, and…”

Bellamy’s eyes welled up as she removed the thermometer from his mouth. He gave her hand a small squeeze. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Maya?”

“Yes?”

“Tell Miller if they have an opportunity, a real chance to get out of here, they need to take it,” he said.

“They won’t,” she said. “They won’t risk seeing you abused like that again. I think Cage got what he wanted. Everyone is just…defeated.”

He rested his elbows on his thighs and hung his head. “You know what’s strange?” he asked quietly.

“What’s that?” She asked.

“I spent the first 23 years of my life on a space station, confined, never standing in the sun. I only lived on the ground for less than a year. You’d think this would be easier for me to adjust to.” He looked up at her. “But I would give anything to stand in the sun again.”

“I hope you can do that, someday,” she said, packing her supplies back in her bag. She was fighting back tears.

“Hey, Maya,” he said. “Jasper is a lucky guy, you know that?”

“Thanks, Bellamy,” she whispered. “I’ll let you know about any progress in our plan, ok?”

He nodded and eased back down onto his cot. Maya glanced back before the door closed to see him staring at the ceiling.

******************************************************************************

**_Polis: Present Day_ **

Bellamy was pacing the floor of his room when Clarke entered. He paused and watched her walk over and sit on his bed.

“Hey,” he said. “You okay?”

“Am I okay?” she asked. “I’m not the one heading into hell. You are.” She was angry.

He sighed and joined her on the bed, bumping her shoulder with his own. “Clarke, it’ll be okay. I’ve got this.”  
  
“No, Bellamy. You don’t. You have no idea what Cage’s reaction will be when you show up. What if he just shoots you on sight? Or locks you into a closet somewhere? Or…” she threw her hands up and Bellamy grabbed them and held them in his own.

“I’m not saying this is going to be easy. But I have a couple of things going for me.”

“Like what,” she muttered.

“Well, this time I know who I’m dealing with. I can anticipate pretty well what’s going to happen. Cage has it in for me, but I’ve learned how to manipulate him too.”

“What else?” Clarke asked.

He kissed her temple. “This time I know that you’re alive. And that’s what makes the biggest difference. The last time I was there, it was a lot harder to hold onto any hope. But now…I’ll be okay, Clarke. I promise.”

“Bellamy, I can’t lose you again,” she sobbed. “What if we just disappear? We can get back to Arkadia and just…”

“Hey, you know that can’t happen. Not yet,” he said. “You have a job to do here. And I have a job to do at Mount Weather. Our people need us, Clarke.”

She nodded.

Bellamy sighed. “And besides, you’re in love with Lexa.”

Clarke looked at him. She couldn’t deny it and he clearly knew she wasn’t going to.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I get it.”

“No, you don’t,” she said. “I do love her, but you…Bellamy, I…” She couldn’t finish. He put her hands gently down in her lap and cupped her face in his hands.

“Let’s talk about this when I get back, ok?” he whispered. He leaned forward and kissed her gently, then with more passion. She was breathless when he pulled away.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” she asked.

He smiled. “Won’t Lexa have a problem with that?”

“I already told her it was what I wanted.”

He nodded. “She thinks I’ll die at Mount Weather. She probably thinks it’s the least she can do,” he laughed.

“But you won’t die. You promised.” She pulled him close and kissed him again.

“I want to make love to you,” he whispered. She was already undressing, and he quickly helped her pull her shirt over her head before removing his own. He reached behind her and gently undid the clasp of her bra, letting the straps fall down over her shoulders and reveal her breasts. His strong hands roamed over her body, treating her like an object of devotion.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he said. He bent in and kissed her breast, pushing her down on the bed before moving his lips along her torso, his breath warm. She sighed as he pulled her pants over her hips and began kissing her lower and lower, finally reaching her cunt. She let out an involuntary moan as his tongue flicked her clit and she could feel him smile at her reaction.

“Bellamy,” she moaned.

His response was to work his tongue deeper inside her, gently opening her wider with his fingers. Within minutes, he had her writhing in ecstasy, an orgasm shaking her body to the core. He continued to lick and suck her clit through her climax, pulling away only when she reached down and grabbed his hair.

“I want you inside me!” she cried. He stood up and locked eyes with her while he finished undressing. His cock was already fully hard as he knelt down between her thighs and sat back on his heels. 

With his hands on her waist, he spread his knees apart slightly and pulled her to him, keeping her thighs on either side of his body. She gasped as he pushed himself partway inside her and stopped. When she tried to raise her body up to meet his, he shifted his hands to her hips and prevented her from moving.

"Are you mine?" he asked.

She nodded and tried to thrust her hips forward again. Again he pinned her down.

"Say it." From the firelight flickering across his face, she could see his gaze traveling over her body with an intensity that made her feel she would ignite.

"I'm yours," she whispered.

He rocked his own hips forward another inch before stopping. She moaned in agony.

"Say it again," he demanded.

"I'm yours! Bellamy, I'm yours!" She was practically in tears.

Lowering his body onto her, he pulled the blanket up over them both. His warm skin against hers electrified every cell in her body and she held him tightly, feeling as though if she didn’t, she would float away. 

And then Bellamy was fully inside her, his possession of her complete as he matched her body's movements perfectly with his own. She was his, and for the first time in her life, she didn't want to be anything else.

Afterwards, they lay in each other’s arms, neither wanting to be first to speak. Clarke finally broke the silence.

“Bell?”

“Yeah?”

“When you get back, I’m going with you to Arkadia.”  
He kissed her shoulder but didn’t respond.

“Okay?” she asked.

“Mmmm hmmmm,” he murmured.

She raised herself up on one elbow.

“Why are you not saying anything?” she asked.

He rolled onto his back and thought for a long moment. “Clarke, I think Lexa may have a different idea about how this is going to play out. And I don’t think it includes you leaving with me.”

“Well, I can make my own mind up,” Clarke said. “I don’t need her permission.”

Bellamy smiled at her. “No, you don’t. But I think in the next few months, things are going to get more complicated.”

“What does that mean?” she asked.

His face was serious now. “I think you need to ask Lexa.”

It was clear that he wasn’t going to say anything else about it, so Clarke snuggled back down into his chest. He stroked her shoulder lightly.

“Just hold me, Clarke. I want to remember this, ok?” She draped her arm over his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing. He was asleep before her and she lay there, memorizing the angles of his face in the dim light until she, too, fell asleep.

When Clarke next woke, it was daylight and Bellamy was already up and packing. She sat up in bed and watched as he prepared for what may be a suicide mission. He seemed remarkably at ease, looking up and smiling at her.

“Morning, Princess,” he said. “You wanna walk with me to the edge of Polis?”

She nodded and dressed quickly.

Their boots lightly crunched the frosty ground as they walked, hand in hand. When they reached the limits of Polis, the guards Lexa had assigned to accompany him approached. Bellamy turned and took both her hands in his. He leaned in and kissed her deeply.

“May we meet again,” he said.

“May we meet again,” she repeated, watching as he turned and walked into the woods.

******************************************************************************

Bellamy woke early on his last day of freedom, shaking from the cold, with no hope of returning to sleep. Two of the escorts Lexa had sent with him had turned back the day before, leaving one grounder to walk with him for the remaining two miles to the entrance to Mount Weather. He rose slowly, asking himself for the thousandth time if he had the courage to continue.

He walked with purpose towards Mount Weather, replaying conversations in his mind. He had meant it when he told Clarke that he found strength in the knowledge that she was alive. He knew in the coming weeks he would have to focus on the long term goal: saving his people and seeing Clarke again. But he also knew that if anyone could test his resolve, it was Cage Wallace, the man he would be facing by the time the sun set today. Before long, the entrance to Mount Weather was directly in front of him. He turned to the grounder and nodded, holding his hands behind him as the man tied them tightly. 

“Ready?” he asked.

“As I’ll ever be,” Bellamy responded. 

The grounder put a gag in his mouth. They took a few more steps into the clearing and stood within view of the cameras. He knew he didn’t need to pound on the door. Within minutes, two figures in full hazmat gear emerged from the entrance.

The grounder behind Bellamy whispered, “Good luck. May Heda’s strength be with you.” He gave Bellamy a shove towards the two men.

“I brought your whore back!” he shouted. “Our Commander is through with him.” He turned and walked swiftly back into the woods.

The men approached him cautiously, weapons drawn.

“I’ve got this,” he whispered under his breath as he lowered himself to his knees.

Emerson reached him first.

“I’ll be damned. Bellamy Blake? We figured you were dead.” He chuckled. “I’d say in about a week, you’ll wish you were.” He yanked him to his feet.

“Let’s move,” he barked. Bellamy walked slowly between the two guards, and the door to Mount Weather closed behind him.


	6. Chocolate Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Bellamy leaves, Clarke and Octavia have a heart to heart. Once Bellamy is back in Mount Weather, he's immediately at the mercy of Cage Wallace again. Lexa has some explaining to do.

_Dear Bellamy,_

_I’m writing this because I feel like a lot of things needed to be said before you left. I still believe you will come back. Mostly, because I have to believe you will. I can’t imagine what my life will be if you don’t. When I see you again, I’ll give you this letter and then we’ll talk. At least, that’s what I hope will happen._

_I need to tell you I love you. I loved you the day we made different decisions at Mount Weather, and I’ve loved you every day since. When I thought you were dead, I nearly fell apart. I was here in Polis, and I felt vaguely like I had a purpose. But I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat if I had known you were still alive and what you were going through. Ever since you stole the radio from Raven’s ship, I think you’ve been a prisoner of your own guilt. And I think you’ve let that guilt guide you to make decisions that result in you being harmed, either intentionally or not. Our people do need us, but you cannot be the one person solely responsible for their fate. You know that, right?_

_I wish that I had figured out how to get you safely back to Arkadia the first day you came to Polis with me and Lexa. I wish, and this sounds so stupid I know! But, I wish our first time together had been very different from what it was. I never wanted to hurt or humiliate you and I’m afraid I did both. I’m sorry that I couldn’t find a way out for us that didn’t involve yet another sexual encounter you didn’t want. There is so much I want to make up to you and I hope I’m able to soon._

_You know I love Lexa, and I won’t ever lie to you about my feelings for her. But please understand there is a difference in our relationship. You are my best friend, Bellamy. You have been the reason I keep going for so long I don’t remember what my life was like before I had you. I trust you with my life. I don’t think I can say the same about Lexa. I know she loves me, or thinks she does. But I know deep down, if it comes to it, she will always choose her people over me. I know this, because I would do the same. You are my family, Bellamy. Everything I do is for you and the rest of our family._

_I miss you and I think about that last night we spent together all the time._

_Love,_

_Clarke_

Clarke folded the letter into quarters and slipped it behind a loose panel in the wall. She turned to find Octavia standing in her room.

“O! You startled me,” she said. “Are you and Lincoln heading back out today?”

“Actually, no,” Octavia said, striding across the room while drawing her hair into a ponytail. Clarke was continually in awe of Bellamy’s little sister, who had completely transformed from the naïve, headstrong teenager she had been when the dropship first landed. The confident, strong young woman in front of her now was one of Bellamy’s biggest sources of pride.

“Lincoln and I asked to stay in Polis for a bit. Help train some of the kids they’re recruiting.” She snorted. “I mean, have you seen them? They need help, big time.”

Clarke smiled. “You want to stay close in case we hear anything from Mount Weather, don’t you?” She sat down and motioned for Octavia to do the same. The brunette sighed and nodded.

“You’re on to me,” she said and sat down. “Lincoln wants to be ready if we’re needed too. If it were up to me, we would just storm the place and burn it to the ground, but my brother…”

“Your brother wants to do the right thing. I know,” Clarke said.

“Clarke, we should talk about Bellamy,” Octavia said softly. “I don’t think you understand why he went back.”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t talk him out of it, Octavia,” Clarke said. “I mean, he listens to you! How could you let him go back there? Did he tell you what happened to him? What was going to happen to him when he went back?” Her voice was rising with emotion.

“He did, Clarke. He told me everything. And he knows exactly what he’s walking in to. But I wouldn’t be able to stop him any more than you could. I know him. He’s hard-wired to be a protector. He doesn’t know how to be any other way.”

Clarke felt tears well up in her eyes. “Because of how you two grew up, on the Ark?”

Octavia nodded. “My mom relied on him a lot more than she should have. He was just a kid. But he accepted that responsibility early on, and never let it go. When Mom got caught, it was like he just decided that he was going to pay for that mistake he made for the rest of his life. I know it doesn’t make sense, but…”  
  
“No, it does,” Clarke said. “I just wish I could make him realize that he doesn’t have to always be the one everyone relies on.”

“Well, good luck with that,” Octavia snorted. “Clarke, for what it’s worth, I wish Bellamy wasn’t there either. I wish that more than anything. But I know that he couldn’t live with himself if he felt like he didn’t do everything he possibly could to save our friends. And if there’s a chance he can serve justice to Cage Wallace, well, he needs to do it. I wouldn’t want to deny him that, and I don’t think you would either. If he hadn’t gone, it would haunt him and eventually destroy him.” She paused for a minute.

“Plus, he told me that knowing you’re alive has given him strength to face whatever comes next. He loves you, Clarke.”

Clarke considered Octavia’s words. She knew deep down that she was right. Octavia knew her brother better than anyone else did. She nodded thoughtfully.

“He promised he would come back to me,” she said. “I have to believe that.”

“You should,” Octavia said, reaching for Clarke’s hand. “Have faith in him.”

“I do.”

******************************************************************************

_Arkadia: 2 weeks previously_

_Bellamy had always been a good student. An avid reader, he could remember facts and figures with ease. That being said, he was out of his depth with the complicated engineering task Raven was attempting to explain to him. They were standing shoulder to shoulder, staring at a tiny computer chip she had created. It was a vital component to what Monty would need to build in order to set off the radiation alarms. That much he understood._

_“Okay,” Raven huffed. “Whether this makes sense to you or not, you just have to memorize exactly what I’m telling you. Step by step.” Bellamy nodded._

_Within two days, he was able to recite her instructions verbatim. He had also been able to memorize the complicated escape route that he and Kane had devised after pouring over the floor plans of Mount Weather that he had drawn in detail._

_“Not bad, Blake. You’re an A student,” Raven grinned at him. He hadn’t told her anything about his life at Mount Weather and thankfully, she hadn’t asked. It wasn’t that he thought she wouldn’t be compassionate, but he did admit to himself that he appreciated her treating him like she always did. Ribbing him about his alpha male persona that she knew was a big front, flirting with him in a “totally not into you” way. It made him long for the normalcy he had begun to feel when the dropship had only been on the ground for a few weeks and his new family had somehow found a way to function on a day to day basis. He hoped he could make his way back to that._

_“One more thing,” Raven said. She held the tiny chip out to him and dropped it into his outstretched hand. “You have an appointment with Abby. She has a plan on how you’ll be able to smuggle it in to Mount Weather.” Bellamy raised an eyebrow at her. “I’m sure it’ll be painless,” she laughed. “Now go.” He turned to leave._

_“And Blake?” He looked over his shoulder. “Good luck, okay? Bring our people home.”_

_“I will, Raven,” he said. “Thanks.”_

_He walked to the medical bay and wandered in, looking for Abby. She was treating a young woman who had tripped in the woods and fractured her wrist. Abby looked up as she was wrapping the injury, smiled at him and gestured for him to have a seat nearby._

_“Bellamy,” she said as the young woman left. “You have something from Raven with you?”_

_He held out his hand and she picked the tiny chip up from his palm. Holding it between her thumb and index finger, she held it up to the light._

_“It’s amazing how much technology they can pack in such a small object, isn’t it?”_

_“Yeah, it is,” he responded. “Raven said you had a plan for how I can keep it hidden.”_

_“I do,” Abby said. “I have some idea of what their decontamination process is like so I don’t think we can put it anywhere on your body without them finding it.”_

_Bellamy remembered the horrible experience of the shower, the scrubbing, the examination of every inch of his body. He frowned._

_“No, it was…thorough,” he finally said._

_“So, I came up with this,” she gestured to her work table. He came closer and squinted down at what looked like a tooth._

_“You’re putting it in my mouth?” he asked._

_“Yes. I can adhere the chip to the top of one of your molars, then cover the entire tooth with this veneer. It won’t be a perfect fit, but it won’t be visible unless they’re really searching for it,” she said._

_He nodded. “How do I take it out?”_

_“Simple. The veneer you can pop off with your thumbnail. The chip will be a little trickier. You don’t want to damage it, so nothing sharp, but it can be gently pried off. The adhesive is waterproof, but not permanent. Okay? What do you think?”_

_“It’s a good plan,” he said. “Are we doing this now?”_

_“Yep, have a seat and lean your head back.” She brought a light close to his face and within a few minutes had the chip and the veneer attached to his tooth. He gently worked his jaw closed._

_“Feel okay?” she asked._

_“A little weird. I can’t close my teeth together. But it works.” He stood up. “Thanks, Abby.”_

_“Bellamy, I never told you this before, but…” she stopped. He waited in silence._

_“I appreciate how much you helped Clarke, when you first landed here. She’s strong, but she couldn’t have done it without you.”_

_“Well, I couldn’t have done it without her either,” Bellamy said. “But, thank you. It means a lot.”_

_Abby surprised him with a hug. “May we meet again,” she said._

_“May we meet again.”_

****************************************************************************

Bellamy’s lids fluttered open. As his vision cleared, he could see Maya’s worried face hovering over him. He tried lifting his hand to his face and realized he was connected to an IV. Bright lights illuminated the sparse, cold room. There were several beds lining the walls, but he was the only patient. For a brief moment, he imagined he had dreamed the entire encounter with Lexa and Clarke. He began to panic and tried to sit up

Maya put her hand on his shoulder. “Bellamy! Calm down. You’re in the medical ward. You’re okay.”

“How long?” he rasped.

“How long?” she repeated, not comprehending.

“How long have I been here?”

“Just a few hours. The guards that brought you in from outside sent you to the decontamination chamber first, then you were sent here to be examined. They gave you a sedative, that’s all.” She squeezed his shoulder to reassure him and he relaxed back onto the hospital bed.

“So I wasn’t dreaming,” he whispered. “I’m back.” He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but his mouth was dry. Maya held a glass of water to his lips and the fog in his brain began to clear. He remembered being led back in through the front door, remembered the humiliation of the decontamination process. He felt a sudden urge to bolt from the room, to claw his way back out through the tunnel, back to Clarke. He wanted to be anywhere but here.

“Cage?” he asked. “Does he know I’m here?” Just the mention of his name was making his heart race.

Maya nodded. “He does. He’s been in to see you once already. He said to get you dressed and send you to his room as soon as you were awake.” Maya saw the look of resignation on Bellamy’s face as he nodded slowly.

“Okay,” he said. “I guess…um…can I have some clothes?”

“Yes, of course,” Maya left the room briefly and returned with pants and a t-shirt. She gently removed the IV from his arm and supported him as he sat up and swung his legs to the floor.

Maya turned her back to allow him some privacy as he pulled the clothes on, then turned back and gave him a small smile.

“Bellamy, I’m sorry. I wish I could have kept your return a secret. No one expected it, to be honest.”

“It’s okay, Maya,” he said. “Can you do me a favor, though? Can you tell Ann Lovejoy I’m back, too?”

She nodded emphatically. “Absolutely! I’ll do that as soon as I leave here.”

Having heard them speaking, two guards entered the medical ward and approached Bellamy.

“Is he ready to go?” one of them asked.

Maya dropped her eyes, unable to look at Bellamy, and nodded. He sighed and put his hands together behind his back so they could bind them. Each guard grabbed an elbow and hustled him out of the ward.

*****************************************************************************

The guard was raising his hand to rap on the door when it opened. Bellamy was staring into the eyes of Cage Wallace and felt an involuntary shudder pass through his body. He wanted to scream, to tear himself away from the guards and their vice-like grip. But he just stood, staring back at Cage as he stepped aside for the men to enter.

“Do you want him to stay bound?” one of the guards asked.

Cage stepped closer to Bellamy, his hands clasped behind him.

“I don’t know. What do you think, Mr. Blake? Are you feeling…disobedient?” he smirked.

“No, sir,” Bellamy looked at the ground.

“You can cut him loose,” Cage said, continuing to size Bellamy up. “I’ll let you know when to come back for him.” The two men left, but Cage didn’t move. He finally spoke.

“Look at me,” he demanded. Bellamy raised his eyes slowly, keeping his hands at his sides.

“You’ve been gone for almost a month.”

“I was in Polis for most of that time.”

“So I heard. The Commander made you her whore, yes?” Bellamy dipped his head slightly, but Cage put his hand out and cupped his chin, bringing it back up. “I told you to look at me,” he said.

“Yes, sir.”

“I thought you ran,” Cage said. He brought the back of his hand up and stroked Bellamy’s face lightly. “But here you are.” Bellamy flinched at his touch but didn’t move away.

“I can’t just leave my friends here,” he said. “It shouldn’t surprise you that I’m back.”

Cage nodded. “How does it feel?”

“How does what feel?”

“To be completely at the mercy of someone else, hmmm?” he asked. Bellamy said nothing. “I imagine it’s hard for someone like you, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir,” said Bellamy quietly.

Cage closed his hand lightly around Bellamy’s throat, pushing him backwards until he was pressed against the wall.

“I can do whatever the hell I want to you, can’t I?”

Bellamy let out an involuntary laugh when he heard his own words from what seemed like a lifetime ago. _Whatever the hell we want!_ How could he have been so naïve?

Cage frowned and tightened his grip on Bellamy’s throat. **“Can’t I?!”** he yelled, his face now mere inches from Bellamy’s.

“Y-yes, you can,” Bellamy stuttered.

Cage laughed. “Well, you’re in luck. What I want right now is to feed you a nice dinner.” He released his grasp and turned towards the dining table.

A guard opened the door and stuck his head in.

“Sir, your dinner is here.”

“Thank you,” Cage said. “Please sit,” he said to Bellamy, gesturing to the table. Bellamy eyed him suspiciously.

“You…want me to eat with you?”

“Yes, I do,” Cage responded. “It’s my way of welcoming you back.”

They sat down as a young woman brought in two covered platters. She placed them in front of Cage and Bellamy, lifted the lids and exited. Bellamy looked at his food. He had to admit, it looked appetizing and smelled delicious.

“What is this?” he asked.

“It’s chicken,” Cage said. “Apparently it was the most common meat source on Earth 100 years ago. We’ve been able to cultivate them here. And there are potatoes, and lettuce.”

Lettuce was the only thing he recognized. He pulled a bit of chicken off the bone and put it in his mouth, chewing slowly.

“What do you think?” Cage asked him.

“It’s…good. It tastes like frog legs.”

“What?”

“Frogs. We would catch them down by the water. Eat the legs.” Bellamy shrugged and started shoveling food into his mouth, only just realizing how hungry he actually was. His plate was empty in minutes. 

Cage leaned his elbows on the table and studied him.

“So the Commander fucked you for a month, huh?” he asked casually. “I’m surprised that you lasted that long.”

“I wasn’t aware I had a choice anymore in who fucks me or for how long,” Bellamy said flatly.

“You don’t,” Cage responded. “I just mean…You must have done something she liked. I’ve heard she isn’t into men.”

“She isn’t.” Bellamy said. “But she is sadistic and power hungry. So you two have a lot in common.” His eyes were daring Cage to lash out at him for his attitude, but Cage just smiled.

The server returned, removed the dinner plates and placed a piece of chocolate cake in front of him. He thought of his dead and imprisoned friends and felt his stomach turn.

“I don’t want this,” he said quietly. Cage scooted his chair closer. He picked up a fork, stabbed the cake with it, and held a bite up to Bellamy’s lips.

“I insist,” he smiled. Bellamy’s eyes blazed with hatred as he stared at Cage, his fists clenched in his lap. Cage put the fork down, stood up and grabbed a handful of Bellamy’s hair, wrenching his head back. He picked up the cake with his other hand.

“Cage, please just…”

“Open your fucking mouth,” he hissed.

Bellamy parted his lips slowly, shaking with rage as Cage shoved the cake into his mouth, a large portion of it smearing across his cheek. Cage dipped his napkin in a water glass, and still holding Bellamy by the hair, began wiping his face.

“Why do you always choose to do things the hard way, Bellamy?” he asked, his voice soft. “You cause yourself so much trouble with your stubborn refusal to accept your situation.” He finished cleaning Bellamy’s face, wiped his own hands, put the napkin on the table and sat back down. He ate a forkful of cake himself, closing his eyes and savoring it.

“It’s time to convince me that you deserve to come back. I assume you know what to do,” he said without looking up. He continued to eat the cake, smiling to himself as Bellamy flung his chair back and stormed out of the room.

Cage picked up a remote control from the table, pushed a button, and Beethoven’s 9th Symphony began playing at a loud volume throughout the space. He hummed along, finishing his dessert, anticipating the final course. He folded his napkin neatly and placed it beside his plate, then rose from the table and walked to the bedroom.

He stood in the doorway, watching Bellamy undress. Once he was completely naked, Cage loosened his tie and walked into the room.

“I’ve missed this,” he said, shutting the door behind him.

******************************************************************************

Clarke was sitting on the ground, watching Lexa train a small group of novitiates. She was taken with how good Lexa was with children, offering equal amounts of encouragement and discipline. She was patient and even smiled on occasion, which Clarke rarely witnessed. Bellamy had been gone for over a week and she had yet to hear any news from Mount Weather. She hoped that was a good thing. As she was pondering this, she saw Lexa excuse herself from the group of children and walk hurriedly around the corner of the building. Confused, Clarke stood and followed her.

As she rounded the corner, she saw Lexa with her hands on her knees, vomiting on the ground.

“Lexa! Are you okay?” Clarke rushed to her and put her hand on her back. Lexa waved her away.

“I’m fine,” she said, standing back up. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “I need to get back to the novitiates.” She started to walk past, but Clarke grabbed her elbow.

“Lexa,” she said. “Talk to me.”

“We can talk later.” Lexa pulled herself free of Clarke’s grasp and headed back to the courtyard.

Clarke stood and watched her walk away and suddenly Bellamy’s comment came back to her. _Things will get more complicated in the next few months._

“Oh my god,” she whispered to herself.


	7. Oceans Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke confronts Lexa about her pregnancy. The Delinquents get hopeful news. Ann and Maya still prove crucial to the success of Bellamy's plan.

******************************************************************************

Clarke was waiting for Lexa in her quarters. The longer she had waited, the angrier she had become so by the time Lexa walked in, Clarke was brimming with fury. She approached Lexa and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her.

“How the hell could you do this?” she asked.

Lexa stepped back and held her hand up to Otan, who was advancing on Clarke.

“You don’t speak to the Commander that way!” he shouted. “And you don’t touch her like that, ever.”

Clarke’s anger made her unafraid of his threats. In fact, it pissed her off even more.

“You want me dead?” she yelled. She again stepped closer to Lexa, daring her. Lexa didn’t move. “Well?” she yelled again. She spread her arms open and looked at Otan. “Come on!”

Otan moved uncertainly, glancing at his Commander for orders.

“Leave us,” Lexa said in a low voice.

“Yes, Heda,” he muttered, exiting quickly.

“You forced him to do it, didn’t you? Did you threaten to kill him? To kill me? Was it your idea for him to go back to Mount Weather so Cage can kill him for you?”

Lexa reached for her hand, but Clarke swatted it away.

“This child can be the answer to everything, Clarke. Don’t you understand? If the baby is a Natblida, and also Skaikru, then it’s the perfect union of our clans. You and I can’t have a child together, so...”  
  
“So you raped the man I love, and purposely became pregnant with his child, just so you and I can live happily ever after?”

“We can be a family,” Lexa said. “I thought you would want that.”

“I want to be given a fucking choice!” Clarke screamed. “And I’m sure Bellamy would want to be given a choice, too.”

Lexa’s demeanor changed in an instant from presenting an emotional appeal to a rational one. “Okay, well I’m giving you a choice. You can stay here and we can raise this child together and create unity, or you can go back to Arkadia and pine away for Bellamy and create fracture. But this child can be a symbol of our clans’ commitment to each other. I can lead...”

“Yes, you can lead,” Clarke snapped. “Again, it’s about you and your belief that your leadership is the only thing that can save us all.” She threw her hands in the air. “Is there nothing you won’t do to hold onto your power?”

“Clarke, I want us to lead together,” Lexa said. “I want you to be with me, with this child.”

Clarke was shaking her head in disbelief. “Do you even hear yourself, Lexa?” She asked. “Have you forgotten there’s another person involved in this...” she gestured at Lexa’s stomach.

“What if he doesn’t come back?” Lexa asked.

“What?”

“Bellamy. What if he doesn’t survive?”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Clarke said. “That would be the perfect solution to this entire fucking mess. Bellamy dies and you never have to justify to him why you forced him to father a child he didn’t want.”

Lexa was furious now. “I didn’t have to get his permission for anything, Clarke! Like it or not, Bellamy was my whore. He served his purpose.”

Clarke bit back tears as she brushed past Lexa.

“Where are you going?”

“I can’t be here with you right now,” she said.

She was at the door to Bellamy’s room when Lexa called to her.

“He makes you weak!”

Clarke shut the door behind her and leaned against it.

“He makes me whole,” she whispered.

That night, she slept curled up in Bellamy’s former room. She breathed in what remained of his scent on the blankets, her body physically aching from her need to hold him close. She felt certain he was still alive. If Bellamy was gone, her heart would know. That was the only comfort she could offer herself as she fell into a fitful sleep.

Throughout the night, Clarke wrestled with her own emotions. More than once, she found herself considering what Bellamy would do in her situation. Weighing the pros and cons of staying with Lexa and returning to Arkadia, she came to a tentative decision. She would stay. At the very least, she could make sure Lexa’s pregnancy developed with as few complications as possible. She knew Lexa would want to keep the pregnancy secret for as long as possible and she could help her with that. Logically, she knew Lexa was right in betting that a child born of a union between Trikru and Skaikru would be an important symbol of the future they all wanted.

In her own convoluted thought process, she also determined that she owed it to Bellamy to protect his unborn child to the best of her ability. She had no way of knowing when (and as much as it pained her to think of the possibility) or if he would return. Clarke had never had particularly maternal instincts, but this baby would be a part of him, so she already loved it.

When she entered Lexa’s room early the next morning, she found her already awake, standing and looking out the window. Without turning, she began to speak.

“Clarke, I’m sorry for coming to this decision without asking you. I’m not used to consulting with anyone else.”

Clarke walked up and stood next to her. “I know. I was thinking last night how babies were always seen as sort of a mixed blessing on the Ark.”

“Why?” Lexa asked.

“Well, on the one hand, we all celebrated the continuation of the human race. But we also knew that every baby represented another mouth to feed, more lungs that needed oxygen. We all lived on scarce resources and an uncertain future.”

Lexa nodded. “Births are always celebrated here.” She absentmindedly put a hand to her stomach.

“I don’t disagree that the baby could be a really important step towards our future. But Lexa, are you sure you even want to be a mother? How much thought did you put into that?” Clarke asked.

Lexa turned to her with a sadness in her eyes. It struck Clarke that she looked like a child who wants her mother to forgive her.

“Our people need hope, Clarke. I didn’t think beyond that. And the fact that I want you to be part of our future, of my future.”

Clarke took a deep breath. “Well, I’ve decided to stay here, for now. I can help you with the pregnancy. I assume you want to hide it for as long as you can.”

Lexa nodded. “I just need you to trust me, Clarke. I only do what I think is best for my people, for our people.”

“If you need me to trust you, then you need to stop betraying me. You need to stop betraying the people I care about.”

Lexa turned back to the window. “And Bellamy?”

Clarke considered this for a long time. “When Bellamy comes back, you will let him be a father to this child if that’s what he wants. I won’t stay otherwise.”

Lexa sighed and nodded. She took Clarke’s hand. “Thank you for forgiving me.”

“I haven’t forgiven you. Not yet.” Clarke said as she stood shoulder to shoulder with Lexa and looked out at the city.

****************************************************************************

If anyone were to ask Monty’s friends to describe him, they would undoubtedly use words like “persistent” or “optimistic.” It was these traits that had helped him survive the past year of uncertainty since landing on Earth. But he had begun to feel his optimism wane. It didn’t stop him from sending his Morse code message out daily. It had become a ritual that he was tied to, in fact. He no longer expected anything to come of it, but he found he was unwilling to stop.

The news of Bellamy’s disappearance from Mount Weather and the length of time since anyone had heard anything about him added to Monty’s growing discouragement. He could tell Jasper had long since given up hope. And he considered himself and Jasper some of the lucky ones. Even though they were being held captive, they weren’t suffering the physical abuse that the others were.

The Delinquents were rounded up the same time every evening to eat in a common area. Long tables surrounded by guards who had come to pay less and less attention to them as time wore on. Cage’s public abuse of Bellamy and his subsequent disappearance seemed to have broken even the most rebellious among them. So when Miller sat down next to Monty that evening and started drumming his fingers on the table, he took no notice. At least, not until Miller continued to drum the same pattern repeatedly. Monty closed his eyes and began to really listen, working out the code. The series of short and long beats that Miller tapped out took shape in his brain and he slowly smiled and started tapping along with him.

People immediately surrounding Miller took furtive glances at one another. The silence was eerie as more and more of them began to first listen, then add their own soft drumming. A few timid smiles even showed up on people’s faces, heads began rocking in time. To the guards it looked as though the prisoners had begun an impromptu drum circle, which became annoying the longer it went on.

“Okay, stop it!” one of the guards shouted. “You’re here to eat.”

The drumming faded, but the smiles did not.

The guards, having never been taught Morse code, failed to recognize the simple message being delivered.

**Bellamy is back.**

***********************************************************************

It had been five days since he had returned to Mount Weather. Several times a day, Bellamy lay on his cot, reciting Raven’s instructions and the exit plan to himself so he wouldn’t forget. Maya had said she would get word to Ann Lovejoy but he had begun to worry. So many parts to this plan relied on assistance from inside.

He was pacing, reciting, pacing. The door opened and a guard walked in.

“Arms behind you,” he said, tightening the zip ties when Bellamy complied.

“Where are we going?” he asked

“Well, apparently the widow Lovejoy wants a little action,” the guard laughed.

A few minutes later, Bellamy was seated on Ann’s sofa. She excused herself to the kitchen and returned with an apple and a glass of water.

“I’m sorry I don’t have a lot of extra rations today,” she said.

“It’s fine,” Bellamy said. “Thank you,” he bit into the apple.

“Maya told me a few days ago you were back, but I didn’t want to appear too eager to see you. I assume a lot has happened since I saw you the last time,” Ann said. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Bellamy shook his head. “You’re right. A lot happened. But I think it’s better if I don’t talk about it. The less involved you are, the safer you’ll be. I have a favor to ask though.”

“Anything,” she said without hesitation.

“Do you have some paper and a pencil?” he asked.

“Of course,” she left again and return, placing the materials in front of him on the coffee table.

Bellamy picked up the pencil and began writing, his lips moving as he worked. Ann sat in silence, watching him as he frowned in concentration. She had begun to think of this kind, sensitive young man as her son, even occasionally imagining him filling the role of big brother to her younger son. In spite of his treatment at the hands of Cage Wallace, he maintained a strength and quiet determination she hadn’t seen in anyone else his age. She understood why the Delinquents looked up to him.

Several minutes later, he took the three sheets and folded them carefully. He handed them to her. “I need to get these to Monty Green. Can you do that?”

She nodded. “Yes. Anything else?”

Bellamy started writing again. Three more pages. “These are for Nathan Miller.”

She took both the folded packets and slipped them into one of the books on her coffee table. “I’ll get this done. Today.”

“Thank you, Ann. I, um, need help with one more thing. It’s a little weird.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Oh?”

“I have a computer chip in my tooth. I need help removing it.”

“Oookay,” she said slowly. “Clearly, you did have a lot going on while you were gone.” She went to her kitchen again, rummaged around for a minute and returned with a small flashlight and a pocketknife. “So, what do I do?”

Bellamy slid down on the sofa and leaned his head back. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and felt around on the tooth, then pulled out what looked like a small crown. “Just get the backside of the blade under the edge and pop it off, carefully,” he said.

“Hold the flashlight,” she instructed. He held it up, opened his mouth and closed his eyes.

The tiny chip was easy to remove, and soon she held it in her palm.

“That goes to Monty too,” he said. She nodded.

“Still don’t want to talk about it?” she asked. He shook his head.

“Are you okay?” He didn’t answer her, indicating that he was definitely not okay.

“Can you tell me how the experiment worked out? With the birth control?” he asked.

“Well, I’m happy to say we were fairly successful. Maya was able to get the treatment to all three of the girls from your group. So far, they’ve been able to prevent any pregnancies.”

He nodded. “Good. What about the girls from Mount Weather?”

She sighed. “We didn’t have 100 percent success there. It was several days before we were able to administer the treatment. You understand we couldn’t tell them, like we could with Harper and the others?”

“I understand,” he said. “So...there are some pregnancies?”

She nodded. “I’m afraid so. Four.” She saw the look on his face. “And I don’t know the answer to your next question.”

“What question?”

“Who the fathers are,” Ann said. “The girls were visited by more than one of you, and there won’t be any way I can find that out.” She paused. “I’m sorry.”

Bellamy nodded but said nothing.

“Tell me about your family, Bellamy,” Ann said, trying to cheer him up.

He leaned back and ran his hands nervously across the upholstery. “Well, not much to tell. I have a sister.”  
  
“A sister? Older or younger?”

“She’s younger. I looked after her a lot growing up.”

“What about your mom?”

He blew out a deep breath. “Her name was Aurora. She was...patient, hard-working. She loved us. And she was really beautiful.” He gave her a small smile. “At least, that’s how I remember her. Long dark hair, really nice laugh.”

“Well, where is she now?”

“She’s dead,” he said bluntly. “Floated.”

“Floated? I’m sorry, I don’t know what...”

“Executed,” he said. “For having a second child. My sister.”

“Executed?! Just for having a child? Bellamy, I’m so sorry,” Ann said. She could tell he was still grieving.

“And your dad?”

He shrugged. “I never knew my dad.” He was clearly ready to stop talking. Ann rose from the sofa.

“I’ll let you rest for a little while, okay?” He nodded.

He began thinking of the child that Lexa was possibly carrying right now. His child. A child that would likely also never meet its father. Suddenly overcome with grief, he began to cry, great heaving sobs, his breath hitching between each one. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to get himself under control, but it was useless. He felt Ann take his wrists gently and pull them away from his face. She pulled him to her like he was a little boy and he wrapped his arms around her waist, weeping like a child.

“They didn’t let me say goodbye to her. I never told her I was sorry!” he cried.

“Shhhh,” Ann soothed him, running her hands down his back like she did her own son when he was upset.

“I don’t think I’m going to make it out of here,” he whispered. He straightened himself and wiped his face.

“I’m going to do everything I can to help you,” she said. “There are more people here than you think who are sympathetic to you and the others. But, Bellamy, I’m afraid you’re running out of time.”

He looked up at her. “Why? What do you mean?”

  
“Cage has weekly updates. Just pep talks, basically, talking about all the great things he’s done for us, all the plans he has. Typical politician. But he’s started being more specific about when he thinks his plan to get us all to the ground will happen.”

“How soon?” Bellamy asked.

“Just three or four months,” Ann said. “Most people are thrilled. But someone wanted to know what would happen to your people when we were ready to make a move.”

“And?”

She shook her head. “I think you need to get out of here as fast as you can.”

******************************************************************************

Ann kept her word and delivered Bellamy’s papers and the computer chip to Maya with instructions that she give them to Miller. That evening, as Miller passed Monty’s bunk on their way to dinner, he slipped one of the packets under Monty’s pillow. “Don’t look at it now,” he kept moving. “It’s from Bellamy.”

Monty burned with curiosity throughout dinner, was the first to enter the cell and furtively look around before he pulled the sheets of paper from under his pillow. He sat down and began reading, moving his lips in much the same manner Bellamy had when writing them. Periodically, he nodded, immersed in the complicated plans that Raven had developed. “How the hell did he memorize all this?” he thought to himself more than once. He held the tiny chip in his hand like it was a precious gem.

He read the instructions twice more, making a mental list of the supplies he would need in order to make this happen. Bellamy had added his own notes at the end, emphasizing the need to work quickly, so Monty calculated how long he thought the entire process would take. One week once he had all the supplies. Obtaining those though, would take a lot longer.

Monty glanced over at Miller, who was reading Bellamy’s exit plan. They nodded at one another, feeling that inevitable rise in their spirits as they latched on to hope for the first time in months.

That night, when all his cellmates slept, Monty tapped a new Morse code message to Raven. The next day, he and Jasper set to work.

*****************************************************************************

Raven was not one to admit defeat, even in the face of, well, defeat. But an entire week had passed with no word from Mount Weather. The original message from Monty still passed through the radio waves at the same time every night. So she had begun to doubt if their plan would work.

Typical of Raven, she blamed herself pre-emptively for its potential failure. She shouldn’t have expected so much of Bellamy. She was a goddamn poster child for PTSD, so she could recognize it when she saw it. He was definitely suffering from it when he had returned to Arkadia. And he was definitely terrified of returning to Mount Weather, in spite of his attempts to hide it. She should never have piled so much on his shoulders just because she knew he’d be willing to accept the burden. “Damn it, Reyes. You fucked up. Again,” she said to herself.

She was in her lab now, already working on a plan B, on the off chance that there would be anyone left to save at Mount Weather if Bellamy failed to deliver the plans to Monty. It was late, and she was gradually nodding off from sheer fatigue. The message from Monty started, and the clicking was lulling her further into sleep. But then her head jerked up, her eyes opened wide.

She sprinted across the room to the radio, frantically writing down the series of long and short clicks. As the message revealed itself, she grinned and fist pumped into the air.

“Son of a bitch, Blake! You did it!” she cried.

******************************************************************************

For his part, Miller was more than ready to accept the job Bellamy had given him. He immediately broke the group into smaller units, assigning a leader to each one and instructing them on the route they would take to the tunnel and then to freedom.

Monty’s job would take longer, but Miller wanted to be absolutely certain the Delinquents were ready to go. He and Harper tracked people’s work schedules, estimated the time within seconds that it would take for each person to return to the central meeting point. They built in contingencies for every imaginable obstacle. He paid close attention to the procedures the guards followed, trying to form a plan for stealing their keys, which would be the most difficult part of the entire plan. He then calculated how long it would take the Delinquents to plant the devices in each room once Monty had them constructed. On the one hand, he admired the plan that had been devised by the Arkadians. On the other hand, he recognized from his military experience that there were a hell of a lot of ways the whole thing could go sideways.

He wished he could consult with Bellamy, but he had been kept separate from the others from the beginning. He was only brought out on the occasions where Cage wanted to publicly humiliate or hurt him. There weren’t many things that Nathan Miller was afraid of, but Cage Wallace was definitely one of them.


	8. Rearrange Me 'til I'm Sane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cage suspects Bellamy knows a lot more than he's letting on so he goes to even greater lengths to force him to reveal his secrets. Miller's resolve is tested as he, Harper and Monty race against time to set the plan into action. Maya's courage becomes a vital part of their dangerous gamble.

***************************************************************

Three weeks had passed since Bellamy’s return. Cage was sitting at his desk sipping a glass of spirits. Emerson rapped on his door and stuck his head in.

“You wanted to see me?”

Cage gestured for him to come in and join him, offering a glass, which Emerson readily accepted.

“You said you had news?” he asked.

Emerson nodded. “One of our scouts reported a sighting a few weeks ago. He says apparently a blond woman was travelling with the Commander to one of their Grounder meet-and-greets. Blondie goes off in the woods with some rough looking guy. Guy attacks her and another grounder comes up and slits his throat.”

Cage nodded. “They certainly are a violent race, aren’t they?”

Emerson grunted in agreement. “There’s more,” he said.

Cage raised his eyebrows over his glass.

“The grounder that slit the guy’s throat wasn’t wearing a mask. His description sounds a lot like Blake.”

At this, Cage leaned forward and frowned. “Have you noticed Bellamy is more...docile, since his return?”

  
“Yeah, I have,” Emerson said. “At first I figured the Commander probably just fucked all the fight out of him,” he laughed. “But now I wonder if he’s up to something.”

“Hmmmm,” Cage replied. He considered this for another minute.

  
“Who do you think those Delinquents would look up to? If Bellamy were...eliminated,” he asked.

“Easy,” Emerson responded. “Nathan Miller.”

Cage nodded. “Good to know.”

************************************************************************

Bellamy was sitting on the exam table. He was unsure why he’d been brought in. His check-ups usually occurred in his cell, so he was fidgeting nervously when Maya walked in.

She looked worried as she approached, glancing at the door with apprehension.

“Maya, what’s going on?” he asked.

She stood in front of him, her eyes continually on the door. “Cage will be here soon.” She handed him a small pill and a cup of water. “Take this.”

Bellamy swallowed the pill without question. “Why? What was that?”

“Cage is going to have me give you an injection. He wants to oversee it because the dose is higher than it should be.”

Bellamy looked at her table and saw the syringe filled with purple liquid and his eyes widened. “He’s sending me to the grounders again?” He felt his pulse quicken. She shook her head.

“Well, why else would he be drugging me?” he demanded.

“He said he needed you to be…um…”

“I know what the drug does, Maya,” he said quietly.

“The pill you took is a stimulant so you should be able to keep some of your mental function intact.” She paused. “But it won’t help with the physical effects. It might even make them worse. I’m sorry.”

He nodded.

“There’s something else,” she continued. “I overheard him tell the guards to bring Nathan to his quarters.”

“Miller?” Bellamy asked. He was shaking his head. “I don’t…”

He lowered his head into his hands. He was quiet for a long time.

“Bellamy?” Maya asked softly.

He looked up at her.

“Maya, I have a favor to ask,” he said.

“Anything,” she said quickly. He began to explain what he needed from her, finishing his request just as Cage entered the room. He walked slowly around the exam table and faced Bellamy.

Cage smiled. “We can start, Maya.”

“Yes, sir,” she said. She began rolling Bellamy’s sleeve up as he locked eyes with Cage.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked.

“Because we need to talk, Bellamy,” Cage replied. He turned his head to watch Maya bring the syringe to Bellamy’s forearm. Nodding, he watched as the purple fluid was injected.

Bellamy closed his eyes and bit his lip as the sensation of cold ran up his arm. “We could talk without me being drugged,” he said.

“We could. But I prefer to have you in the right frame of mind for this conversation,” Cage said. Maya pulled the needle from Bellamy’s arm and put a bandage over it.

“Let’s walk to my quarters.” He took Bellamy’s arm and pulled him from the exam table. “Thank you, Maya,” he said as he led him away.

*******************************************************************

They entered Cage’s quarters and headed into the bedroom. Cage gestured for Bellamy to sit in a straight back chair in the middle of the room. He took a chair and sat directly opposite him, crossing his legs.

“I want to talk about what your month in Polis,” Cage said.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I think you might have seen or heard something that I need to know.”

“Well,” Bellamy began, “I was brought there to fuck. So I saw the inside of Lexa’s bedroom. When I wasn’t in her bed, I was chained to her floor. Some days no one remembered to feed me. Sometimes I had to piss in the corner because no one took me to a bathroom. No one offered me a tour of the city, so I don’t think I can give you any information.” Bellamy could feel the drug beginning to affect him. His limbs felt strangely warm and relaxed and he could feel a low hum of arousal. He forced his mind to focus on the man in front of him.

Cage sensed the shift and stood up. He put a hand on Bellamy’s face and stroked his cheek with his thumb.

“Tell me more about the Commander,” he said softly. “Did she ever bring someone else to her bed? Besides you?”

Bellamy shook his head. “No. No one.”

“You sure?” Cage continued to stroke Bellamy, bringing his hand down and moving it inside the collar of his shirt. “I heard a rumor. Maybe you can confirm it.” He snaked his hand to Bellamy’s neck, pressing his thumb into the soft flesh under his chin to force his head up. He leaned in to confirm that Bellamy’s pupils were starting to dilate. “I heard Clarke Griffin might be in Polis.”

Bellamy’s heart was racing from the stimulant Maya had administered. The thought of Clarke sent another wave of desire to his groin but he fought the sensation and looked directly in Cage’s eyes.

“You told me she was dead,” he replied. “Are you saying now you think she’s alive?”

“I’m saying there was a rumor, that’s all,” Cage replied. He continued to study Bellamy’s face, holding his chin. “How would you feel about that? If she were alive?”

Bellamy shifted slightly in his chair and pressed his lips together. There was a dull glow forming in his peripheral vision, and he knew the hallucinations would start before long. He silently prayed Maya’s pill would hold them off long enough for him to get through this interrogation.

“I would feel…relief,” he finally said. “It would be good to know she was alive.”

“Really?” Cage asked. He kicked Bellamy’s feet wider apart so he could stand between his thighs, then began unbuttoning his shirt. “You’d be relieved to know that she was free? At one time, the two of you were leading your people together.” He unbuttoned a second button. “She abandoned you here and now she’s living in Polis, leading with the Commander, probably sharing her bed. While here you are...” he unbuttoned another button and pushed the shirt back over Bellamy’s shoulders, “reduced to giving pleasure to whoever wants to take it from you.” He leaned in close to whisper in Bellamy’s ear. “That doesn’t seem like a fair trade to me.” His hand closed in on Bellamy’s crotch, satisfied that the drug was having the desired effect.

A malignant knot of rage formed in Bellamy’s gut and started coiling up into his chest. _He’s right_ , a voice in his head whispered. _Clarke left you here to be turned into a whore._ _She’s in bed with Lexa right now, while you’re here at the mercy of this fucking lunatic_.

“You must realize by now that you’re never leaving Mount Weather, Bellamy.” Cage’s voice was low, comforting. “But I can offer you something you want.”

“I don’t want anything from you,” he said.

“You’re wrong. You want revenge for what’s happened to you. This is Clarke’s fault. I can make her pay for what she did. You saw her in Polis, didn’t you? She’s still planning to try and free her people.” He gripped Bellamy’s cock, smiling at his sharp inhalation. “Tell me.”

Bellamy began to envision his rage as a lethal, living thing, making its way to his brain where it would force him to bypass rational thought and react solely to his emotional pain. _Why_ _are you the one suffering this abuse? Why not her? Just tell Cage what he wants to know._

He shook his head violently. _She loves you. Don’t betray her._ _You have a job to do._

“I never saw her,” Bellamy said. “And if she is still alive, I hope she comes back and burns this place to the ground,” he spat at Cage. “I hope she rains hell down on you, you fucking bastard!”

This made Cage smile. He sat back down in his own chair. “You always rely on hope. Hope is a powerful thing, isn’t it?”

Bellamy didn’t respond. The glow was taking over his vision as he fell completely under the effects of the drug. His head felt heavy so he leaned it back against the chair, letting Cage’s words wash over him while he tried one last time to fight the physical need building in his body. Every inch of his skin was on fire. Cage leaned forward and kept talking.

“The lesson I’ve learned, Bellamy, is that when you take hope away the equation always shifts to your favor.”

“Fuck you, Cage,” he said.

Cage gave a low chuckle. “Yes, you’ll be doing that too. We have plenty of time.”

There was something he was supposed to do. He remembered talking to Maya, but the conversation was eluding him like a receding tide. Cage was speaking to him but it was muffled, like he was underwater. He saw Cage stand and check his watch.

“I need to get you ready,” he said. Cage pulled him up out of the chair. He could feel his shirt being removed the rest of the way. He was standing but couldn’t feel the ground beneath his feet. Cage walked across the room and returned with something in his hand. “Put your hands on the wall.”

Bellamy brought his hands to his face and flexed his fingers. “My hands?” he asked.

“Yes. Put them on the wall now, Bellamy.” Cage’s voice sounded reassuring, presenting this as a reasonable suggestion rather than a command.

He turned and faced the wall, bringing his hands flat against it. The coiled monster of rage had made its way past his chest, lodging itself in his throat, choking him. Simultaneously, his arousal had reached a point where every cell in his body now screamed with a need for release. So when Cage brought the belt down and he felt the searing pain across his shoulder blades, it was accompanied by an exquisite jolt of relief. With the second strike, his mind fractured into a spinning kaleidoscope of fury, pain and desire. He only vaguely recognized the anguished cries as coming from his own throat.

Turning his head to the side, he pressed his face to the wall to feel the cool, solid surface.

When he did, an object caught his eye on Cage’s nightstand and something in his memory clicked. His mind latched on to the tiny sliver of purpose, trying to protect it as Cage rained more blows down on his body and his battle for reason was lost. **_Miller is the key_** , he repeated like a mantra, even when he could no longer remember why.

*********************************************************************

Miller was accompanied by a single guard as they approached Cage’s door. No Delinquent had dared to rebel in so long that the security had relaxed somewhat. When the guard pulled him from his cell and wouldn’t offer any word on where he was going, he was nervous. Now, standing in front of Cage’s door, the nervousness gave way to full-on fear. He had only been used by Cage once before and it had been painful and humiliating. He didn’t know how Bellamy had survived for so many months as the main target of Cage’s vicious assaults.

The guard untied Miller’s hands and shoved him in the door where he stood in the entryway, unsure whether to proceed into the empty room. He froze as he heard noises from the bedroom, something striking flesh, cries of pain, then silence. Cage emerged from the bedroom, breathing hard and holding a leather belt. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and tossed the belt onto his desk. Running his hands through his hair, he looked up and finally noticed Miller standing there.

“You...sent for me,” Miller said.

Cage smiled. “I did,” he said as he gestured for Miller to come closer. He came around to the front of his desk and sat of the edge, crossing his arms in front of him. There was a long silence as he studied Miller, making him increasingly uncomfortable.

“What’s the mood down in your cell, Nathan?” Cage asked.

“Mood, sir?” Miller shook his head. “I guess it’s pretty much, just, depressed.”

Cage nodded. “So you don’t think there’s any hint of, I don’t know, agitation? Since Bellamy’s return? No sense that something might be happening?”  
  
Miller frowned. “Sir, I can promise you no one is thinking about some kind of revolt. We’re doing what we’re told. I think you can ask anyone…”  
Cage raised his hand to interrupt. “That’s fine. I just want you to bring something back to your people to reinforce that idea.”

Miller felt a rising unease in his gut. “Wh…what do you want me to bring back?”

Cage turned his head to the side. “Bellamy! Come in here.”

There was movement from the bedroom and Miller suppressed a gasp when Bellamy made his way slowly to where Cage was sitting. It was clear to Miller he had been drugged. His pupils were dilated and he rocked unsteadily on his feet. He was wearing only loose fitting pants and his torso was covered in angry red welts.

“Damn it! What have you done to him?” Miller cried.

“Oh, nothing he didn’t enjoy.” Cage smirked. “Obviously.” He reached over and stroked Bellamy’s hip. In spite of himself, Miller glanced down and saw that Bellamy had an erection. He felt sick.

“Miller?” Bellamy finally said. “What are you doing here?” His words were slurred and his head swiveled back and forth as he tried to focus.

“You twisted son of a bitch! Why are you doing this to him?” he asked Cage. He was near tears. “We’ve done what you asked. I don’t know what else we have to do! Just tell me. Please!”

“I need you to take a message back to your cellmates. Take a good look at him. He can’t be your hero anymore, Nathan. This is all he is now.” Cage sounded almost apologetic but his face had darkened and his eyes were boring into Miller’s. “I want you to make sure your people know just how lost their cause is. Understood? I am very close to seeing my plans through to the end and I will NOT have a bunch of worthless delinquents jeopardize those plans. You seem to be the next person they might turn to for guidance. So, either you keep them under control.” He gestured toward Bellamy. “Or you end up like him.”

“Hey Miller!” Bellamy shouted like a drunk. “Do you wanna fuck?” He took two steps and fell forward. Miller lunged and grabbed Bellamy under the arms before he hit the ground. Bellamy pressed his mouth close to Miller’s ear.

“Take this to Maya,” he whispered, shoving something into Miller’s pocket. He then grabbed Miller’s face and kissed him full on the lips, pulled away and laughed.

“I know you want me, Miller,” he murmured. “S’okay.”

Miller laid him gently on the ground. He gave his shoulder a squeeze and Bellamy gave him a small nod.

Cage stood up and walked slowly over to them. Bellamy was struggling to raise himself up on all fours. “Do we understand one another, Nathan?” he asked quietly. Miller raised his eyes slowly and saw that Cage was holding the belt again.

“Yes,” Miller said. He felt nauseous. He couldn’t leave his friend here with this sadistic bastard. But he couldn’t see any way around it, short of attacking Cage right now, which he knew would end badly.

“Good,” Cage said matter-of-factly. He grabbed Bellamy by the hair and yanked him viciously up to his feet. “The guard is waiting outside for you. I’ll let you go deliver your message. I have something to finish up here.” He shoved Bellamy in the direction of the bedroom and turned to follow him.

Miller choked back a sob as he opened the door and allowed himself to be led down the corridor. He felt the weight of the object Bellamy had put in his pocket. Whatever it was, he would be damned if he let him down. It hit him suddenly that the guard had failed to bind his hands behind him. Considering his options quickly, he stopped in the corridor. The guard frowned at him.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“I don’t feel so good,” Miller said, clutching his stomach. He doubled over and hit the floor, rolling on his side so the guard couldn’t see him stick a finger down his throat. He began to vomit, much to the dismay of the guard.

“For fuck’s sake,” he muttered. He stood there for a minute, looking up and down the corridor as Miller finished. “Can you walk?” he asked impatiently.

“I, uh, I think so, yeah,” Miller said. He stood and faked a stumble.

“I’ll take you to the medic,” the guard said. “Hurry up.”

Within minutes, Miller was seated on an exam table. Maya walked in as the guard nodded at her and then positioned himself outside the room. She hurried over to him.

“Did you see Bellamy?” she asked.

Miller began to cry. “Cage is…” he started. “He had a belt, and he was…” he still couldn’t finish.

Maya clutched his wrist as though she were checking his pulse. “He knew what was going to happen,” she whispered. “Did he give you something to bring to me?” She put a stethoscope up to his chest.

Miller gave a small nod. “It’s still in my pocket. What is it?”

Maya moved around behind him, still giving him a mock exam for the benefit of the guard if he should decide to walk in. She deftly reached into his pocket and pulled the object out, then walked around to face Miller. She opened her palm and he looked down to see a ring of keys.

“Are those…”

“The keys to all your cells,” she smiled. She turned to the table her instruments were on and carefully pressed each one into a small wad of clay so they could be replicated.

“Cage will realize they’re gone soon, but I’ll have them here. He’ll just assume he left them when he was here earlier,” she said.

Miller looked at the ceiling. “Bellamy Blake, you’re still a fucking hero,” he whispered.

****************************************************************************

Cage continued his interrogation for nearly three more hours, calculating correctly that Bellamy’s mind had long since been blown apart by the drug coursing through his veins. He alternated rapidly between physical and verbal abuse, screaming the same questions repeatedly. Each time, he got the same answer: “I don’t know anything.”

He then switched to a soft, placating voice, offering Bellamy comfort in the form of food, water, pain relief. Again, he got the same answer: “I don’t know anything.” It was truly maddening, but he eventually concluded that his suspicions were unfounded. There was no one expecting Bellamy to come to their rescue. And if Clarke Griffin was still out there, Bellamy didn’t know about it.

****************************************************************************

Maya was leaving the medical ward when Emerson approached her. “Cage needs you to come to his quarters,” he said.

“Why?” she was suddenly terrified. _He knows about the keys_ , she thought to herself.

Emerson gave a shrug as he walked alongside her. “Said Blake needed help.”

She started sprinting down the corridor, arriving at the door as Cage opened it. “Maya. I believe Bellamy will need some assistance getting back to his cell. He still seems...disoriented.”

She brushed past him as Emerson entered the room. She froze in the doorway when she saw Bellamy sitting in a chair with his back to her, his head was lowered and his arms hung slack at his sides. She could overhear Emerson and Cage speaking in low voices.

“Get anything?”

“No. He hasn’t seen Clarke.”

“Sure about that?” Emerson asked.

“Believe me, I could have set that guy on fire and he wouldn’t have given me anything. If there’s a plan, he isn’t part of it.”

“What about Miller?”

“Nathan is very clear on the importance of following the rules,” Cage said.

Maya approached Bellamy slowly, reaching a hand out and touching him tentatively on the shoulder. She felt his body stiffen.

“No more,” he pleaded, his voice barely audible. “I don’t know anything.”

“Bellamy,” she whispered, moving in front of him.

He raised his head slowly and stared at her. His eyes suddenly widened in fear.

“Octavia? How did you get in here?” He turned toward the door. “Mom will get floated if they find you! You need to go!”

Maya didn’t know who Octavia was, but she knew not to confuse him further. “Okay. Let’s go together. Can you do that?” He nodded but didn’t move. Maya stepped into Cage’s office.

Emerson had gone and Cage was sitting at his desk. Normally fearful of Cage, she approached his desk and stood there until he looked up.

“President Wallace,” she said timidly. She cleared her throat and continued. “For what it’s worth, I have to say that whatever plans you have for us, for our freedom...it isn’t worth it. It isn’t worth seeing what you do to them...to him.”

Cage gave her a long look and then stood up and moved to the front of his desk. “You may not think so, Maya. But when you are on the ground in a few months’ time, feeling the sun on your face, breathing the air, I know you’ll feel differently. You’ll be thanking me.” He gestured to the bedroom. “And you’ll realize it was very much worth the life of that man and all his friends. Have you forgotten that he’s also a murderer?”

Maya was shaking with nerves, but continued. “We were torturing their people, sir. They had a right to...”

“They have NO RIGHTS!” he yelled. “He has no right to be alive when my people are dead. The only reason I haven’t killed him yet is because I still find fucking him to be an enjoyable pastime. Now get him out of my sight!”

“Yes, sir,” she said. She moved quietly back into the bedroom. Bellamy hadn’t moved, but he raised his head when he heard her come in.

“Are we going home, O?” he asked quietly.

“Yes, we’re going home.” It was impossible to find any part of his body that Cage hadn’t left a mark on. He winced in pain when she gently put her hand under his bicep to help him up.

She bit back tears as she led him through Cage’s office and back to the medical ward.

*****************************************************************************

Miller motioned Harper and Monty to his bunk as soon as he got back. They sat down, heads close, as he explained what had happened. He was still burning with shame at the memory of leaving Bellamy with Cage.

“Bellamy is strong, Nathan. He’ll survive,” Harper said.

Miller shook his head. “You didn’t see him, Harper. No one would be able to survive what Cage puts him through for long.” He turned to Monty. “We need to work faster. How soon will the room devices be ready?”

“Give me one more week,” Monty said. “Then you can get them installed in the rooms while I work out how to set them off.”

“We’ll have the keys now, thanks to Bellamy,” Harper said. “It’ll take at least a few days for us to get the devices installed since we have to wait until someone requests us. After that, we can be ready to go whenever you are, Monty.”

“There’s one more thing,” Miller said. “Someone will have to get to Bellamy’s cell during our evacuation. He’s always guarded, and there wasn’t a key on the set we got.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Harper said without hesitation. “I don’t care what it takes, we aren’t letting him down.”

The three friends gave each other grim smiles. Cage had been right. Hope was a very powerful thing.


	9. A Heart Without a Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia discovers Lexa's secret. Clarke has to make an important decision. Bellamy's time is running out. It's Harper's time to shine!

***************************************************************************

Lexa and Indra were in conversation when Clarke walked in the room. Octavia was on guard at the door. They nodded to one another.

“Ice Nation is up to something,” Indra said. “They never have this many people on the move. We’ve been watching for two weeks. Several of our scouts have reported a sighting of Nia, but every time it turned out to be a plant. So many body-doubles out there, we have no idea where the real Ice Queen is. But I don’t trust this.”

Lexa nodded in agreement. “We need to intensify our efforts to secure the loyalties of the surrounding villages. I’ll need you to go to the scheduled meeting in Delphi.”

“Commander, they’re expecting you to come.” Indra looked concerned. “Why would you choose to stay behind?”

Lexa looked to Octavia and Clarke, then back to Indra. “The meeting is five months from now. I’m afraid my...physical condition will prevent me from traveling that far.”

“What is it, Commander? What’s wrong.”

Lexa smiled at her. “Nothing’s wrong, Indra. I’ll be too visibly pregnant by that time to hide it easily. And I don’t want to put my baby at risk by being so far from home.”

She got up from the table, leaving a stunned Indra still sitting there. “I have other business to attend to. But what I just told you remains in this room.”

“Of course, Heda,” Indra said.

Lexa paused at the door and brushed her fingers against Clarke’s. Octavia frowned at the gesture as they both walked to the table and sat with Indra.

“Lexa is pregnant?” Octavia gasped. “How?”

Indra snorted and grinned at her. “I know you Sky People don’t have much idea about how the world works, but you must know that one.” She laughed loudly and Octavia rolled her eyes.

“That’s not what I meant,” she said. “Who did she...”

“Bellamy,” said Clarke bluntly. She saw no easy way to let Octavia know that her brother was the father.

“Come again?” Octavia was shaking her head. “No. No way. Bellamy wouldn’t have done that.”

Clarke looked at Indra, who just raised her eyebrows.

“He wasn’t...,” Clarke paused. “Lexa didn’t give him a choice.”

Octavia narrowed her eyes, shifting her gaze between the two women. “You’re telling me that my brother, who saw his own mother floated and who has been terrified of getting someone pregnant ever since, was forced to father a child?” Her voice was full of quiet rage.

Clarke nodded. “I know how it sounds, Octavia. But Lexa thinks a child that has Trikru and Skaikru blood will be an important symbol. Especially if the child is a Natblida. The baby can be a bond between the two clans.”

“Oh, okay. So raping my brother was a fucking symbolic gesture?” Octavia shouted. “No, she’s gone too far. This is just...wrong. This can’t happen.”

Indra finally spoke. “Octavia, a Commander never marries but it has never been forbidden for them to have a child. It wasn’t uncommon in our past for the Commander to choose someone to sire or bear a child, and that person was never asked if it was what they wanted. It was an honor to be chosen. Bellamy is providing Lexa and our people with a great gift.”

Octavia ignored her and snorted. “I can’t believe you’re okay with this, Clarke! I thought you loved him.”

“I do! Octavia, please don’t doubt that. That’s part of the reason I’m staying here. I want to make sure the baby...Bellamy’s baby...is okay.” Octavia stared at Clarke for a long time, fists clenched on the table.

She finally spoke. “If that’s part of the reason, then what’s the other part?” She continued to stare at her until Clarke dropped her eyes.

Octavia nodded slowly. “I get it. You and Lexa are going to play house and raise Bellamy’s child together, while he’s trapped in Mount Weather. You know what they’re probably doing to him right now, don’t you?”

Tears were making their way down Clarke’s cheeks. She nodded.

Octavia stood up, fists still on the table. “Let me be clear. I know that it was his choice to go back to Mount Weather and I’m not blaming you for that. But if he doesn’t survive this, or if he’s unable to overcome the fucking psychological trauma the two of you have put him through, I will never forgive you. So you better hope he’s okay or you have an enemy for the rest of your life.” She stormed out of the room.

Indra stood up to follow her. “She’ll come around.”

Clarke shook her head. “She shouldn’t have to. She’s right.”

************************************************************************

_Thick fog surrounds her. She’s not able to see more than three feet in front of her, but somehow she knows where she needs to go. Her feet are flying effortlessly across the ground as she sees two figures shrouded in the mist ahead. She slows and continues to approach them. When she gets closer, she recognizes Bellamy. He is bound and gagged. The other figure is masked, one arm wrapped tight around Bellamy’s torso, the other hand holding a knife to his throat. His eyes lock on hers and he shakes his head, warning her not to come closer. She freezes and addresses the masked figure._

_“Let him go! Please!”_

_The figure begins stepping backwards, pulling Bellamy along. She follows slowly, realizing there is now a cliff edge just behind the two. She sprints forward and tries to grab Bellamy’s hand but the masked figure jerks him away. Horrified, she watches as the figure drags the knife across his throat and blood begins pouring from the wound. Bellamy makes a gurgling sound and his legs buckle as the figure turns, puts both hands to his chest, and shoves him off the edge of the cliff._

_“NO!” she screams. “No, no, no. Bellamy!” She runs to the edge and sees him falling into a bottomless crevasse. She blinks and he has transformed into her father, Jake, just before he disappears into darkness._

_She drops to her knees, sobbing. “Why? Why would you do that?” she cries. She looks up at the figure now standing directly in front of her, removing the mask._

_“We always do what we have to,” the figure says. She screams again as she recognizes herself._

Clarke woke with a start, sweating and out of breath. Lexa was snoring softly beside her. Easing herself out of bed, she tiptoed to the panel in the wall where she had hidden her letter to Bellamy. Clutching it in her hand, she walked to the window and looked out at the direction of Mount Weather.

The next morning, she and Lexa sat over breakfast. Neither said anything for a long time. Lexa was the first to break the silence.

“Octavia is upset.”

“Lexa, you can’t really blame her, can you?”

Lexa ignored the question. “She doesn’t see the bigger picture. But she will.”

Clarke admired Lexa’s commitment to her own decisions. If nothing else, she wished she had the same ability to never second-guess herself.

“Anyway,” Lexa continued. “She and Lincoln are leaving tomorrow for Arkadia. She said the evacuation plan is on schedule and she intends to be one of the escorts bringing your people,” she paused and corrected herself, “OUR people, home.”

Clarke nodded and put her hands together on the table. “Lexa,” she said softly.

“You’re going with her, aren’t you?” Lexa asked.

“Yes, I am. I have to,” Clarke replied. “And before you say anything, I need to explain. I had a dream last night, more of a vision really.”  
Lexa frowned, but was clearly interested.

“I woke up realizing that my father gave his life for what he considered the greater good. He loved me, Lexa. Maybe more than anyone else ever has. But he was willing to say good-bye and I guess I was willing to let him. I tried to save him, but in the end, I didn’t do enough.” She took a deep breath. “Bellamy loves me too, and once again, I’m not trying hard enough to stop him from giving his life up for the greater good. And I’ve been listening to you when you say we have to consider our people. But, Lexa,” she sighed. “Bellamy is my people. And he needs to know that someone loves him back enough to fight for his life. Not for a vague idea of ‘all our people’, just for him. So, I’m going home. And I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure he makes it out alive.”

Lexa was silent for a long time. “Will you come back?” she asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” Clarke responded. “You don’t really need me here.”  
“It isn’t about needing you, Clarke. I love you.”

“And I love you. But I need Bellamy. I’m sorry.”

***************************************************************************

After Cage’s brutal interrogation of Bellamy, Maya had become more determined than ever to help the Delinquents escape. As much as she feared him, she had discovered a balancing force of outrage within herself at the treatment of people she had come to think of as friends. She had seen Jasper only seldomly, but her feelings for him had strengthened and her hope that they could also find their way through this had gained ground in her heart.

The underground movement to save the Delinquents, while small, was resourceful. She and Ann had organized this group to mobilize when Monty needed anything for his plan, and to pass communications back and forth so the prisoners knew what the current situation was. They all understood the need to work quickly, given that Cage had become increasingly adamant that they would be living on the ground in less than three months’ time.

Today, Maya was on her way to the main hall, where a meeting had been called for all the Mount Weather residents. She made her way through the crowded room and sat behind Ann, giving her a small smile as Cage walked up to the makeshift podium.

“Thank you all for being here,” Cage began. “I have a lot of good news to share with you today. Our continued development in communications and agriculture have been incredibly successful. Dr. Tsing has made great progress in developing a synthetic plasma that should serve as a vaccine against radiation poisoning for all of us. She should have enough on hand to begin that process in the next few weeks.” He turned to Dr. Tsing, who nodded.

“I want to thank each of you for your patience and your continued dedication to our mission. We would not be nearly as close to freedom, were it not for everyone here in this room doing their part.” There was applause at this. Cage continued.

“Some of you have expressed concern about the fate of the remaining prisoners from Arkadia,” he looked pointedly at Maya. “I wanted to let you know my decision about that as well. It is my belief that they have served their sentence for the actions they took when they attempted to revolt. Therefore, I will give each of them a pardon and they will be free to go when our mission is complete.”

There was a lot of chatter in the crowd as people both for and against this decision began to converse among themselves. Cage raised his hand for silence.

“There is one prisoner that will not be receiving a pardon,” he continued. He gestured to a guard who stepped out of sight and returned with Bellamy, who he led to a chair next to Cage. Bellamy sat and stared at the ground.

“Bellamy Blake, I am charging you with the murder of sixteen Mount Weather residents,” he said. “Should you plead guilty, you will be accepting sole responsibility for these deaths, and your fellow prisoners will be freed.” He paused for effect. “How do you plead?”

“No!” Maya almost jumped from her seat. Ann turned in her seat and gave her a warning look, but it was too late. Cage turned his head to her.

“Maya, can you step up here please?” he asked.

She rose shakily from her chair and approached Cage.

“Maya, can you tell everyone here where you first saw Mr. Blake?” he asked.

“I, uh, he was in the lab,” she said.

“What was he doing there,” Cage prompted.

“He was being h-harvested.”

“And when Sargent Lovejoy entered the room, what happened?”

“Um, he...we, thought Bellamy was dead. So Sargent Lovejoy lowered him down and...”  
“And then Mr. Blake attacked him, didn’t he?” Cage’s voice was patient, calm.

“There was a fight,” Maya began. “Things were happening really fast, so I can’t say...”

“Well, one thing I know you can say, Maya. You can tell me what you saw Mr. Blake do to Sargent Lovejoy. If your memory is hazy, I can help. Mr. Blake strangled him to death, didn’t he?”

“It didn’t happen that way!” Maya shouted. “Bellamy was drugged. He was in a lot of pain.”

“And yet, he functioned well enough to choke the life out of one of our people,” Cage finished. “You can sit down, Maya.”

Maya sat and buried her face in her hands. Bellamy had remained motionless throughout the entire presentation. Now Cage turned back to him.

“So, Mr. Blake, we have both eye witness accounts and video footage of you murdering members of our Mount Weather family. I’ll ask again, how do you plead?”

Bellamy finally looked up at Cage. “Guilty,” he replied.

Cage nodded. “The punishment for your crime is death. Execution is set for one week from today.”

*********************************************************************

Ann was sitting in her usual spot in the dining hall and only gave a brief glance up as Maya sat down opposite her.

“I have news,” she said.

Maya looked to both sides to make sure no one was within hearing distance. “What is it?”

“A member of our underground works in the lab with Dr. Tsing. He shared some disturbing information.”

Maya bit her lip and waited.

“From what our man can tell, they have no intention of freeing the remaining prisoners. The numbers he’s seeing from Dr. Tsing’s synthetic plasma project are only possible if they have a lot more donors. He’s certain they intend to harvest the rest of the prisoners and Cage decided to keep that a secret.”

“But why? Why would Cage announce a plan to free everyone if that wasn’t his intent?”

Ann frowned. “He knows there are some people who are upset at the treatment of the prisoners. He wants people to focus on the plan ahead of us and not spend any time questioning his methods.”

“And Bellamy?” asked Maya.

“He needed a public confession from Bellamy. A lot of people are still angry about the deaths, and they want justice. Or at least their version of justice. They want an execution.”

Maya nodded “He knew Bellamy would plead guilty if it would save his friends.”

“Yes. Cage was always going to pronounce him guilty, but this way everyone heard it from Bellamy himself. So Cage is playing to both sides. A consummate politician.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

“What are we going to do?” Maya asked.

“We’re going to get these people out of here,” Ann answered. “I’ve already gotten word to Nathan and they’ll work on moving their plan forward. He will let me know what he needs.”

“Okay,” Maya said.

“And Maya, I wouldn’t tell Bellamy about this. He doesn’t need to know he confessed for nothing.”

**************************************************************************

Octavia had remained mostly silent during the first two days of their trip to Arkadia. She had been surprised when Clarke announced she would be returning with them but didn’t question her about her reasons.

They were within a day of Arkadia when she finally matched Clarke’s walking pace and began to speak.

“So, you want to tell me why you’re doing this?” she asked.

“There’re a lot of reasons actually,” Clarke replied. “But the main one? I love him.”

Octavia nodded. “I’m glad to hear that. What did Lexa have to say about your leaving?”

She thought back to her last conversation with Lexa. In the end, Lexa claimed she understood, but Clarke could see in her eyes that she didn’t. Their goodbye had been tender and loving, and Clarke didn’t feel like sharing that with anyone else.

“She’s fine with it,” was all she offered as an answer.

The next day, as Clarke approached the gate to Arkadia, she was filled with emotion. It had been so long since she had last walked into the only place she really considered home. Octavia and Lincoln were greeted with shouts, hugs and handshakes, but Clarke paused and held back to take in the sight of her old friends, her family. From a small crowd of people she saw Raven hobbling forward, the usual frown on her face.

She was speaking to Octavia as Clarke walked up and gave her a quick hug.

“Thank god you guys are here early,” she said. “We’re moving out in two days.”

“Two days?” Clarke asked. “I thought they wouldn’t be ready to evacuate for another week and a half.”

“They’re rushing the last phase of their plan,” Raven said. “There was an emergency. I need to get within radio range and talk Monty through the final steps. We don’t have time for anymore messages back and forth.”

“What emergency?” Clarke asked.

Raven looked to Clarke, then to Octavia.

“Cage set a date for Bellamy’s execution.”

*************************************************************************

There were things he should have said, should have done. But he reasoned there would always be unfinished business no matter when your life ended. Saving twenty-one of his friends wouldn’t completely balance out the number of deaths he was responsible for, so there would always be red in his ledger. But it would be the best he could do.

His biggest regret was not telling Clarke he loved her from the moment he knew it himself. The vast desert of wasted time between them was something he would never be able to cross now. Time he could have spent holding her, making love to her, hearing her dreams and working to make them come true.

“It was always you, Princess,” he said to himself.

Maya had been about to enter his cell but paused when she saw him sitting on his cot, his mouth moving as though in conversation. She waited until he stood up and happened to see her.

“Hallucination?” she asked gently as she entered.

“Hmmm? Oh. No, I was just...talking to an old friend,” he smiled.

“So, are you still having any?” She wasn’t familiar enough with the lasting effects of the drug, especially with a dose that high. The bruises from Cage’s interrogation had mostly faded to a faint yellow, but she was more concerned with his mental state.

“Yeah, a few,” he admitted. “But they aren’t as often. Or as scary. So, I guess I’m making progress.” He gave a small laugh. “I should be fully healed in time for my execution.”

Maya frowned and opened her medical bag as he sat down on his cot. She sifted through it and pulled a stethoscope out.

“Is Emerson watching?” she whispered as she placed it on his chest.

Bellamy glanced up to see Emerson’s face through the window of glass in his cell door. “Always,” he said. “Why?”

She put the stethoscope back and pulled a notebook from the bag next. Scribbling something on the pad as though she was noting his heartrate, she placed it face up inside her bag so he could see it. He moved his eyes to it and read:

**Harper is coming in 48 hours. Be ready.**

He furrowed his brow and shook his head just slightly.

“They shouldn’t, Maya.” He continued to stare at Emerson through the window. “Tell them not to, please? Cage will sentence them all to death if they try to help me.”

Maya remembered her agreement with Ann not to tell him about Cage’s true plans. She took his wrist and checked his pulse. “They’re coming for you, Bellamy. I won’t be able to stop them and I don’t want to. You’re getting out of here.”

She fastened her bag and stood to go. “I always wanted a brother,” she said. “I imagined he would be something like you.” She took his hand and squeezed it. “Good-bye, Bellamy. I know you’ll make it.” She was almost to the door when he spoke.

“Thank you, Maya. I won’t forget everything you did for me.” She nodded and walked out.

Emerson stuck his leg out in front of her to stop her from passing his chair. “Why do you need to keep giving him check-ups?” he asked. “He’s gonna be dead in a few days, anyway.”

She sighed. “Well, it’s the human thing to do. We are still human, aren’t we?”

He snorted but said nothing, shifting his leg out of her way.

Before she left, she asked, “Are there any more gloves in that utility closet? I’m almost out upstairs.”

“I dunno,” Emerson grunted. “Look for yourself.”

She continued down the corridor, stopping at the small utility closet and stepping inside. Quickly opening her medical bag, she reached in, felt around for what she needed, and put it on the very back of the middle shelf. Rummaging around for some gloves, she grabbed a box and left the closet.

“Found them!” she called to Emerson who nodded without looking up.

*******************************************************************

“I don’t like this,” Monty said to Harper. The three friends were sitting together, adjusting their plan to the new schedule.

“Monty, we have to start with Bellamy. Once the radiation alarms go off, the guards will be on high alert. If we don’t get him out before the rest of us start to evacuate, he’ll be trapped,” Miller said.

“I still don’t have to like it,” Monty replied. He took Harper’s hand and squeezed it.

Harper gave him a smile. “I don’t like it either. But it’s the best shot we have. I go there once a week, like clockwork. So at least we have a definite starting point.”

“This’ll be different,” he said quietly. “This time he might kill you.”

Harper had been formulating this part of the plan to free Bellamy for days. His cell was on the lowest level, which was also closest to the exit tunnel. The fact that he was more or less constantly guarded by Emerson worked in their favor. Well, in all honesty, Harper couldn’t really call it good fortune. Emerson was a disgusting pig of a man, and as her shitty luck would have it, she had become his favorite Delinquent. Once a week, he would request her at the same time during his guard shift.

“He won’t kill me, Monty,” Harper said with more confidence than she felt. “Let’s go over this again. As soon as you see me on the surveillance camera come down the hall and join Emerson in the closet, that’s your cue.”

Monty nodded. “The camera glitch will last for ten minutes, so you have to be out of the corridor by that time. I’ve got a timer ready to create looped feeds on the evacuation corridors thirty seconds after the radiation alarms sound. That’ll give us enough time, if we don’t trip up, to get everyone to the lowest level.”

“There may be a guard outside the harvest chamber,” added Miller. “That’s something we can’t plan for. But I’ll deal with it when I need to.”

“Octavia and Lincoln will be on the other side of the door to the tunnel,” Harper said. “Raven will be camped out in the woods nearby, just outside the security camera zones for Mount Weather. They’ll have other escorts to get us out of the woods. Then we’re home free.” She smiled. “Right?”

The three of them nodded. “We’re gonna do this,” Miller said.

“One more thing,” Monty said. “Jasper set up a sabotage of the engineering work we’ve done up to this point. It’s just our way of saying ‘fuck you’ on the way out.”

“I like it,” Harper laughed. “Let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow we’re going home.”

**************************************************************************

Emerson had taken frequent advantage of Cage’s offer to use the Delinquents for sex since the beginning. Being assigned to guard Bellamy’s cell meant he was stationed far from any activity on the upper floors, which also meant that he was often bored. He would regularly harass or assault his prisoner depending on the mood he was in, but what he enjoyed most was having Harper McIntyre visit him. Having a wife and kids meant he couldn’t just bring a whore to his quarters, so he took her to a utility closet near his post. With the door cracked, he could still keep an eye on things in the corridor.

Today, as he saw her round the corner and come down the corridor with a guard, his dick immediately got hard. The guard with Harper clearly didn’t approve of Emerson participating in this kind of activity while he was on the clock.

“You need to do this during your break,” he said.

“You need to mind your own fucking business,” Emerson barked back. “Just come back in twenty minutes.” He grabbed Harper’s arm and led her towards the closet. Once inside, her shoved her roughly against the wall.

“Turn around and grab the shelf,” he said. Harper turned and placed her hands on the middle shelf and Emerson pressed himself close to her so she could feel his erection. His breath was already ragged and shallow from arousal and it was hot on the back of her neck. She wanted to scream, but instead bit her tongue until she tasted blood. He began undoing his belt and she stood utterly still but stretched the fingers on her right hand until she felt something cylindrical just at the tip of her reach. She heard his pants hit the floor.

“Did you miss me, sweetheart?” he whispered. Harper said nothing. Emerson wasn’t actually looking for conversation anyway. He reached around in front of her and unzipped her pants. A wave of revulsion washed over her when his hands touched her waist and began working their way inside her waistband.

In a flash, her hand shot forward, closing around the syringe Maya had left on the shelf. She thrust her hand behind her, connecting with Emerson’s thigh near his groin, and plunged the needle in.

“Ow! You fucking bitch!” he screamed. He shoved her hard against the opposite wall and she raised her leg and kicked him in the stomach. Lunging towards her, he punched her hard in the face. He drew back to deliver a second punch, but Harper rolled to the side and his fist connected with the concrete wall instead.

“God damn it, you stupid whore! I’m gonna kill you,” he growled. He pulled the needle from his thigh and threw it at her. Harper stared him down. In her head, she had been counting backwards from ten.

Emerson began to pull his pants back up. She continued to stare...7...6. He fastened his belt...5...4. He blinked hard at her, as though he was losing focus, then put his hand to the gun on his belt. She closed her eyes...3...2. There was a loud THUD, and she opened her eyes to see Emerson face down on the floor, gun in his hand. Realizing she had been holding her breath the entire time, she exhaled deeply. She took another deep breath, squatted down and rolled Emerson on his side. Grabbing the single key attached to his belt, she stepped over him and bolted to Bellamy’s cell.


	10. We'll Dance Before We Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Delinquents carry out their high-risk escape plan. Cage has a last minute plan of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the ending of this story is satisfying for those of you who read from the beginning. Thanks for sticking with it! I'll end it here for now, but may pick up again sometime. Enjoy!

********************************************************************************

Raven tossed her pack on the ground. Octavia, Lincoln and Clarke stopped just behind her.  
“This is where I’m setting up,” she said, gesturing through the trees to a small rise. “I can get radio access to Monty from here, and I’m outside the kill zone.”

Kane had sent two other armed guards with the small group, who made sure Raven had everything she needed before continuing on towards the tunnel entrance.

“Monty doesn’t think the Reapers will come for a couple more days,” Clarke said. “But just in case,” she held out the small sound trigger Raven had built. “Stay close together.”

Lincoln led the group through the woods, with Octavia and Clarke close behind.

Thirty minutes later, they had made it safely through the maze of cavernous tunnels and were huddled outside the dark, damp entrance to the harvest chamber. It was eerily silent.

“Now we wait,” Lincoln said.

Clarke closed her eyes. “Please hurry, Bellamy,” she prayed silently.

***********************************************************

Bellamy was sitting on his cot, his foot nervously tapping the ground as he stared at the small window of glass. Harper’s face suddenly appeared as she fiddled desperately with the lock. He leaped up from his cot as she swung the door open. “It’s on. Let’s go!” She barked.

“Nice to see you too,” he said. She gave him a quick smile.

“Where’s Emerson?” he asked.

Harper was sprinting down the hallway and gestured to the closet as they approached. Bellamy ducked his head in to see Emerson lying on the floor. He stooped down and removed the gun and the radio from his belt. Emerson’s face was covered with white foam that he had vomited up in his last moments of life. Bellamy glanced up at Harper.

“What did you do to him?” he asked.

“Lethal injection. The same thing he was going to do to you,” she responded.

Bellamy nodded. “Okay.” He stood and saw that Harper was shaking. “Hey. You alright?”

“I just wish I could kill him twice,” she whispered.

“Yeah, I get that,” he said, pulling her into a tight hug.

“I’m okay. But, we have less than two minutes to get out of this corridor,” Harper said. Bellamy poked his head out of the closet and glanced up and down the empty corridor. They stepped over Emerson’s body and ran down the corridor towards the tunnel. The corridors seemed to be never ending. As they rounded one turn, they could hear voices coming from the other direction.

“It’s Miller!” Harper said. “We should have everyone together by the time we get to the harvest chamber.”

Bellamy nodded, continuing to glance behind him, gun drawn. He couldn’t relax until they were in the woods, headed home. As he paused to look around one of the last corners to make sure the path was clear, the loudspeaker over their heads crackled to life. He and Harper froze.

“Mount Weather residents, this is President Cage Wallace. Our prisoners have escaped. The radiation alarms you hear are false, please do not panic. There is no radiation threat.”

Harper and Bellamy cast worried glances at each other. They could still hear the voices of Miller’s group advancing towards them.

“We’re only about 40 yards away,” Harper whispered, grabbing his hand and pulling him forward. “Let’s go.” Bellamy took another step, but then Cage spoke again.

“Maya Vie and Ann Lovejoy need to report to my quarters.” His voice was laced with suppressed rage. “Immediately.”

Harper felt Bellamy let go of her hand. She turned back and saw him close his eyes.

“No, you can’t go back, Bellamy!” she cried. “Look where we are! In five more minutes we will be out of here.”

He shook his head. “You need to go.”

“Just come with me,” she pleaded.

“I’ll be right behind you,” he said. “I just need to take care of something first.”

“Bellamy!” she yelled as he turned in the opposite direction, away from freedom, and headed back down the corridor.

*******************************************************

Miller was barreling down the corridor with his group, Jasper and Monty were in the rear. Through a small miracle, they had made it to the lowest level and were now just two corridors away from the harvest chamber. As he rounded the corner, he saw Harper running towards him. His heart sank when he saw she was alone. He thrust his hands out in a gesture of disbelief.

“He went back,” she panted. “I tried to stop him.”

They stood together, undecided, for a brief second. “They know where we are,” he finally said. “There isn’t time to go back now.” He sounded defeated. Harper nodded.

“He said he’d be right behind us.” They both knew not to count on that.

“We have to go,” he sighed. He gestured to the group, who were more than happy to break into a run again.

As they rounded the last turn, Harper and Miller stopped suddenly. There was, as they suspected, a guard standing outside the harvest chamber door. He wasn’t moving, keeping a steady gaze on them as they huddled together. Then, glancing up and down the hallway, he gestured frantically for them to move forward. Stepping aside, he dropped his weapon to his hip and opened the door.

As Miller approached, the guard whispered, “good luck.”

“Let’s move!” Miller shouted, waving his arm forward. The group charged through the door and ran across the tiled floor of the harvest chamber.

*************************************************

Bellamy advanced cautiously down the corridor, his head swiveling back and forth searching for the guards that he knew should be swarming the hallways. He knew Cage was expecting him, so their absence was setting him on edge.

He approached Cages quarters to find the door slightly ajar. He put his palm to the door and pushed it silently open, entering the room with his gun drawn. His eyes immediately settled on Cage standing behind the sofa, his own gun trained on Ann and Maya sitting in front of him. With utter clarity, he understood that this was the moment he had been moving towards since he boarded the drop ship. This was the opportunity he yearned for to atone for all he had done. He looked into the eyes of a mother who loved him and a sister he would lay down his life for and said a silent prayer of thanks to whatever gods might be listening.

“Bellamy,” Cage said, “I’m glad you could make it. I assume your friends won’t be joining you?” He gestured for him to come into the room and looked down at the gun Bellamy was pointing at him. He raised his eyebrows.

“Were you planning on just walking in and shooting me? I’m the President.”

“I hate to break it to you, Cage. But you wouldn’t be my first.” Bellamy replied.

Cage smiled. “Put the gun on the table and come over here.” Bellamy complied, walking slowly towards the sofa. He was standing directly in front of Ann and Maya. “Closer.” He moved forward until he was less than a foot in front of the couch. “Now get down on your knees,” Cage said, the gun still trained on Ann.

Cage’s mouth twitched in fury at Bellamy’s hesitation. “I said, GET ON YOUR GOD DAMN KNEES!” he roared. He pressed the gun hard into Ann’s temple. Bellamy dropped to his knees. “Now put your hands on your thighs, and if you so much as take a deep breath, you will have this woman’s brains all over you. Understood?” Bellamy nodded.

Cage walked around and sat on the arm of the sofa, his gun still trained on the women, but his eyes on Bellamy.

“Ann, you let this worthless whore compromise the future of the entire population here.” He looked over to Maya. “And you?” he sneered. “What did he do to earn your loyalty?”

He laughed. “Bellamy, you may not be good at much else, but you must have made them feel pretty good if they’re willing to die for you. Funny, you never seemed that enthusiastic in my bed.”

“Cage, think about what you’re doing,” Ann said. “Your father wouldn’t want you to do this. Please.”

Cage turned to look at Ann. “My father? What right do you have to bring up my father?” His voice was quiet, which Bellamy knew from experience was a sign of approaching malevolence. The look in Cage’s eyes was further evidence.

“Cage, don’t hurt her. The prisoners are already gone. You don’t have anything to gain by killing your own people. Please, I’ll do whatever you want. Okay?” Bellamy said.

Cage looked at Bellamy questioningly. “What would I possibly need you to do at this point? Between you and these two traitors I’ve lost everything I’ve been working towards for a year. Did you know your friends sabotaged all the gains we made in our communications system on their way out?” He was shaking with rage.

“It was my fault!” Bellamy said. “Not theirs. I’ll make a public confession. You can still execute me in front of everyone. They’ll still follow you, Cage.”

Cage shook his head. “Always the fucking hero.” A slow smile spread across his face. “But there is one more thing I can use you for.” He stood up and called out towards the hallway.

“Guards!” Three armed men entered the room. “Arrest these two. And sedate him.”

Bellamy stayed on his knees as the guards entered the room. One guard yanked Maya up to her feet and tied her hands in front of her. Bellamy looked at Ann as he put his hands behind his back so the guard could cuff him. He tilted his head to the side to expose his neck, flinched as the sedative was injected.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to her.

Ann knew he was apologizing for more than just that moment. He was apologizing for years of perceived sins. She understood, just as Clarke did, that Bellamy had already been his own judge and jury and now lived in a prison of his own guilt. So she spoke the words she knew he most needed to hear.

“I forgive you, Bellamy.”

He nodded as the world faded to black.

******************************************************************

He blinked several times into the blindingly bright light. His vision was still blurred but he was aware of someone’s presence, and as his consciousness returned it brought with it a wave of panic. He was lying on a cold metal table, unable to move even his head. Forcing himself to keep his breathing slow, he spoke to who he knew was nearby.

“You were never going to release them, were you?” He asked. “Even after that bullshit trial.”

“Of course I wasn’t,” Cage replied. Bellamy still couldn’t see him, but heard him come closer, could sense the nearness of the man he hated and feared more than anyone he’d ever known. He felt hands on both sides of his head as Cage tightened the strap across his forehead.

“I’m glad they escaped then. And I’m glad they fucked your communications system on the way out,” he said.

Cage let out a slight chuckle as he moved into Bellamy’s view. “I’m actually going to miss you,” Cage said. He ran has hand gently down Bellamy’s torso. “You were always my favorite. So beautiful, so…defiant.” He turned and began spreading the medical instruments across the tray. “But you have one more purpose to serve. Dr. Tsing will be extracting your bone marrow and I’ll be the lucky recipient. So in a way, you’ll always be living inside me. I like that idea, don’t you? And, I think once I’m able to live up there, on the ground, my grief will be easier to bear. So I should thank you for that, I suppose.”

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that he does not become one.” Bellamy replied.

“Another useless quote?” Cage asked.

“From Nietzsche,” Bellamy said. “It means I have something to thank you for, too.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“For the longest time, I thought I was a monster. And then I met a real one. So thank you for teaching me the difference.”

Bellamy’s words had no apparent effect on Cage. He had finished his preparation and tightened the restraints on Bellamy’s wrists until they cut into his skin. “Dr. Tsing will be here soon. I’m pretty sure this will hurt like hell, given your friends reactions to it,” he said. “Best if you can’t move at all.” He moved down the table to tighten the ankle restraints.

“I may be a monster to you, but my people will see me as a savior. They will remember me forever. And you? Where are your people? You sacrificed your life for them and now you’re going to die in agony here. All alone.”

Bellamy closed his eyes, refusing to let Cage bring him to tears in the last minutes of his life. He took his mind to Clarke’s face, her blue eyes looking at him with love.

“He isn’t alone,” a familiar voice said suddenly. Bellamy’s eyes flew open.

“What the hell?” Cage spun around. “How did you get in here?” Bellamy couldn’t turn his head, but he heard a loud groan from Cage, and then a thud as he hit the ground.

Monty’s worried face appeared above him. “Bellamy? You okay?” Monty dropped the shock baton he was holding and started working on the head restraint. “I’m getting you out of here.” He freed Bellamy’s head and had just finished freeing his right hand when Cage started stirring.

“Hurry!” Bellamy shouted. He was reaching across to free his left hand when Cage appeared behind Monty. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man, spun around and flung him on the floor. Bellamy could see Cage reach for a scalpel from the corner of his eye. He frantically fumbled with the wrist restraint until he was free, sat up and began working on the ankle straps. Monty was scrambling backwards. He reached for the shock baton but Cage kicked it aside.

“You fucking little prick!” Cage bellowed. He advanced on Monty, his arm raised to slash the scalpel downwards. Monty picked up a metal tray and held it up just in time to deflect Cage’s swing. The scalpel pinged off the tray and flew across the room. Cage kicked out viciously, knocked the tray from Monty’s grasp. He tackled him, grabbing his shirt and slamming him against the floor. Monty groaned. Cage picked him up and slammed him down again. This time Monty remained still, barely conscious. With blurred vision he watched as Cage stood slowly and turned around. Bellamy was charging toward him like a vengeful god.

“CAGE!” His voice thundered across the room. Before Cage could raise his hands in defense, Bellamy was on top of him, seizing him by the throat. All the rage, the pain, the humiliation he had endured for nearly a year released itself as he tightened his grip on the neck of his tormenter. Cage’s hands flew up, grasping futilely at Bellamy’s wrists. His face reddened and his eyes were wild with fear.

“You don’t want to do this,” he choked out. “That would make you a monster.”

A low sound began in Bellamy’s throat, escalating into a howl of raw fury. The sound was like nothing Monty had ever heard before and he was certain he would never want to hear again. He watched as Bellamy pressed down on Cage’s throat, his arms bulging with the effort, his eyes black with hate. He had gone strangely silent so the only sound in the room was Cage’s tortured attempts to breathe.

“You murdered my friends,” Bellamy whispered. “You tortured me. You raped me.” His voice was rising as he continued. “But you didn’t beat me. You’ll never reach the ground, Cage. You hear me?” he was yelling now. “The sun will never shine on your face! But I’ll be free. I like that idea, don’t you? DON’T YOU?”

Monty could tell that Cage was already dead, but Bellamy hadn’t yet released his hold. He tentatively moved forward and touched his shoulder.

“Bellamy?” he said. “We need to go now.”

Bellamy looked at him as though he had just woken from a coma. He looked back down at the dead man beneath him, stared into his open eyes for a long minute. Finally, he rose from the floor.

“Thanks, Monty,” he said quietly.

Monty smiled. “It was nothing. Let’s go, okay?”

**********************************************************************

Clarke and Octavia had been sitting motionless outside the door for over two hours. Every small sound coming from the tunnels was setting their nerves on edge. Lincoln and the two guards were standing a few feet away, eyes on the passage out.

A sound on the other side of the door had them leaping to their feet. There were muffled shouts and the sound of the latch being lifted. Seconds later, Harper and Miller burst through the door.

“Oh, thank god!” Clarke cried. She ran to Miller and hugged him tight, then did the same to Harper. They all shifted aside to allow the other Delinquents through the doorway. There were sounds of celebration, joyous voices, cries of relief. The last person to come out was Jasper, looking somber as always.

Clarke and Octavia looked at each other, then back to Miller.

“Bellamy?” Octavia asked, fear in her voice. Miller looked at the ground. Harper stepped forward.

“He went back inside,” she said. “There were two people who helped us escape, from the inside. Cage took them, so Bellamy...”

“God dammit!” Clarke yelled. “Why did you let him go back?”

“I tried to stop him, Clarke. But he wouldn’t listen. I’m sorry.”

Jasper walked up to them. “One of the people he went back to try and save was Maya. And we wouldn’t all be standing here if it weren’t for her. Ok? As far as I know, Cage might have killed her by now.”

Octavia glanced around at the group huddled together. “Wait, where’s Monty?”

“He went back, too,” said Jasper. “And before you ask, Clarke, I tried to stop him. But he knew what Bellamy was walking in to and he couldn’t let him do it alone.”

Lincoln approached them, already aware that Bellamy was missing from the group. “Octavia,” he said gently, “we need to get them out of here.”

Octavia nodded. “You go on. I’m not leaving until Bellamy walks out that door.”

“I’m staying, too,” said Clarke. “There’s still a chance they’ll get out. We can’t just leave.”

Jasper slumped down against the side of the cave wall. “Well, I’m not going anywhere either.”

Lincoln sighed. It was clear he wasn’t going to be changing any of their minds. He motioned to the other two guards to start evacuating. “Let’s move out!” One of them shouted. The small group hustled forward. Miller looked back at the four who had chosen to stay behind.

“The guards are gonna come through that door any minute,” he warned.

Lincoln nodded. “We’ll be ready.”

Within five minutes of the Delinquents disappearing through the cave tunnels, there was the sound of the latch turning on the door a second time. The four friends crouched in silence. Octavia grasping her sword and Lincoln holding a dagger. Two guards burst out of the door, yelling through a radio.

“They were just here,” one shouted. “I can hear some noise further down the tunnel. We’ll...”

He was cut off by Octavia’s sword piercing his body just below his rib cage. At the same instant, the second guard fell to the ground with Lincoln’s dagger embedded in his neck. Clarke grabbed the radio.

“Shhhh!” she hissed.

“Sloane?” a voice crackled over the radio. “You still there? Emerson is dead. Blake is still in the building.”

Clarke thrust the radio into Jasper’s hand. “Answer him,” she whispered. “Tell him you’re in pursuit of the prisoners.”

Jasper nervously pressed the button. “Yeah, Sloane here,” he said. “We’re in pursuit in the cave. Transmission failing. Stand by.”

“Do you think they’ll send others?” Octavia asked. Lincoln shrugged, then dragged the bodies of the two dead guards away from where they were standing.

The four friends settled in to wait, each lost in their own thoughts for a long while. Clarke finally spoke.

“Jasper, you doing okay?”

He looked at her. “Okay? I mean, I guess considering I may never see my girlfriend again. My best friend and my fucking idol are possibly dead. Yeah, I’m doing fine.”

Nearly half an hour passed. Jasper now sat with his legs splayed out in front of him, tossing small pebbles across the ground. “It was bad in there,” he said. “I mean, me and Monty had it easy compared to the others. Especially Bellamy. He was shaking his head, fighting tears. “I just hope he’s able to kill that son of a bitch.”

Clarke and Octavia looked at each other, each guessing what the other was thinking. Jasper saw the look that passed between them.

“They’re not coming, are they?” he said.

At that moment, the door flew open. Clarke jumped in surprise as two figures burst through the doorway. She froze at the sight of Bellamy and Monty peering into the dark cavern. Bellamy had a gun drawn.

“Bell!” Octavia yelled. “Thank god.” She rushed over and hugged him.

“Hey, sis,” he spoke into her hair. “Thanks for waiting.” He raised his eyes to Clarke as Octavia released him from her arms. Jasper and Monty were grinning at each other.

“Maya?” Jasper asked.

Monty nodded. “She’s alive,” he said. Jasper let out a sigh of relief, ran his hands over his face, then hugged Bellamy around the neck.

“I love you, man,” he said. “Thank you.”

Bellamy patted Jasper on the back. “Hey, we couldn’t have done it without her.”

Clarke still stood by, waiting for everyone to finish celebrating. When Bellamy finally walked over to her, she had tears running down her cheeks. He reached out and took her hand.

“You made it,” she sniffed.

“You waited,” he smiled. He tugged on her hand and pulled her into his arms.

“Let’s go home,” she whispered. He nodded into her hair.

**********************************************************************

**Epilogue**

Life gradually returned to normal for the Delinquents after their return to Arkadia. The group that had survived Mount Weather remained close, sharing a trauma that others might not fully understand. To Miller’s surprise, the Farm Station survivors had also arrived in Arkadia while he was imprisoned, leading to a joyful reunion with Bryan. They were inseparable, as were Monty and Harper, whom everyone referred to affectionately as “Mom and Dad.”

Bellamy kept to himself, preferring to stay away from gatherings. He and Miller remained close friends and Octavia and Lincoln still made him laugh when they visited. Clarke quietly moved into his quarters, which no one questioned but everyone secretly celebrated. She held him close when he woke screaming from his frequent nightmares. Until, finally, they weren’t so frequent.

One day, three months after their return, they received a visitor. A figure in full biohazard gear approached the gate, hands raised in a gesture of peace. Miller approached the figure, and when he got close enough to recognize the person inside the suit, he turned and called for Jasper, who came running. Maya had come with a gift and news from the new leader of Mount Weather, Ann Lovejoy.

Ann announced that upon her election, she had made the decision to destroy the plasma project that Cage and Tsing had worked on. She outlined a new plan for residents of Mount Weather to one day return to the ground. A plan that didn’t involve the torture and murder of innocents. She wanted to open a dialogue with Arkadia and share the Mount Weather technology in exchange for medical research from Abby, who agreed enthusiastically.

Her gift to Arkadia was sixteen apple tree saplings, one for each life taken by Cage Wallace. A beautiful tribute to their lost friends. The planting of the small apple grove was attended by all of Arkadia.

Three months later, a second messenger appeared, this time from Polis. Lexa’s Flamekeeper arrived on horseback. As he approached the gate he announced he would only speak to Bellamy Blake. Within minutes Bellamy arrived at the gate as the rider was dismounting. Clarke ran up behind him, watching as Bellamy gently took a small bundle from the man. She saw the expression of tenderness on his face and knew instantly what had been delivered. They walked together back to a quiet place near the apple grove, the rest of the crowd dispersing but watching them with curiosity.

Bellamy sat on a log, cradling the tiny baby in his arms. Clarke sat next to him and pulled the cover gently from her face, revealing a head of dark curls and big blue eyes that gazed up at both of them.

“She sent a letter,” Bellamy said, handing it to Clarke. “Can you read it to me?”

Clarke unfolded the letter and read:

_Bellamy, you once swore to me that you would protect Clarke with your life. I have to ask you now to extend that oath to protect one more. Your daughter Madi is exactly what I hoped she would be. She is a Natblida with Skaikru lineage. She will be sought by people who want to worship her and those who want to harm her. You will have to keep her hidden from both. I hope that one day she will rise to Commander, but that will be a path that her father can help her decide. I know this responsibility was not what you asked for, but your role in the future of our people is one you should be proud of. Please accept my gratitude and respect. Clarke chose well._

_Lexa_

She folded the letter and put her hand on his shoulder as he continued to stare into the eyes of his daughter.

“Here I am again,” he whispered. “Keeping a mother’s secret safe.”

“But this time you won’t have to do it alone. We can do this together,” Clarke said.

Bellamy turned to her and smiled. “Together.”

THE END...?


End file.
